The Comebacks Page #6

And you're a terrible gossip.

Everybody knows that.

People talk about you.

You cheat at checkers.

Oh, why resist it? Aah.

Oop da. Yeah, easy.

That's right.

Make it, take it, be-Yotch.

Yeah! Come on!

Is that all you got?

I hope you weren't

planning on leaving today.

Get that sh*t outta here.

It's called skills, junior.

And I guess I got some. Whoa.

Change of rules.

Even if you win,

you're still gonna stay here.

What you looking at?

I'm not getting it.

Fine.

I'll get it.

I got it.

Hurry up!

Sh*t.

All right, gang, today we play

the Friday Night Lights.

They're one of the best teams

in the conference.

I'm not going to lie to you.

There's a lot of drama

going on over there.

Just found out that

Rick fell off the wagon.

He's drinking again.

And Lyla is cheating on Jason

With Tim, if you can believe that.

Smash can't

control his temper,

And I just found out

That last night,

Billy and Tyra

Had a pre-Homecoming party

And it got broken

up by the cops,

Which means, for us...

Automatic victory-

They're not gonna make it!

Rock n' roll!

Blue, 22! Hike!

- Hey.

- Hey, Coach.

- How's it going, Coach?

- Good game, guys.

Thanks

Oh, for the love of the game.

We all remember that touching story

Of the autistic

high school boy

Who was finally

given his chance to play.

This amazing story

has inspired people

From all different

walks of life.

Last night,

at Cleveland General Hospital,

Dr. Edmund Grand allowed Billy,

a longtime orderly,

A chance at his dream.

Touching story

out of Cleveland.

Time of death- 8:05.

There you are.

Well...

Tonight should be the greatest

night of my life, Barb.

But those kids,

they still just don't get it.

Who's that?

Who's who?

That guy in the

bed with you.

Right there.

Oh... um...

I didn't think

you'd mind.

We-We took in a foreign

exchange student.

He's a foreign

exchange student?

Uh-Huh.

Where you from?

I'm from, uh...

Banging-Your-Wife-Istan.

Where is that?

It's, uh...

It's a little south of, uh,

Doing-Barb's-Fine-Ass-Yvania.

All right, Coach, all right.

I... I just couldn't

take it anymore.

You were never here,

and I am a woman

- In her sexual prime.

- Yeah.

Don't try to stop me, Coach.

I have finally found a man

who gives me what I need.

There isn't a Doing-Barb's-

Fine-Ass-Yvania, is there?

Is there?

Big story developing

out of Plainfolk, Texas.

Heartland State head coach

Lambeau Fields

Is taking an unusual stance

against academic excellence.

He has locked his team

out of practice all week,

And now the squad is in danger

of forfeiting the upcoming

Conference championship

at the Toilet Bowl.

You sure got to have some

big clankers to come in here.

Go ahead. Do your worst.

My wife left me.

Aw, hell.

It's my fault.

I forgot she was there.

Boys, if you find

that perfect gal

That has all

the little things,

And, yet, she's willing

to enhance them surgically

Into bigger things.

And she doesn't mind

showing them to your friends

At a New Year's Eve party,

That's a gal.

- Yeah.

- That's the gal.

Well, don't take it so hard,

poon cheeks.

We've all walking in

on a loved one

Getting barn-Doored

by a half rack of bird doggers.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, we sure have.

Ow.

Hell, I remember

when my Dorothy left me,

And I did everything

I could to get her back.

And when I did, I made sure

that she'd never leave me again.

How'd you do that?

I treated her like a queen-

Like an Egyptian queen.

Mummified and entombed her

in the basement.

Her shrieks of help

like music to my ears.

It's all about communication, fellas.

My Jeanie, she used to wag

her finger in front of my face

And bug the bejesus

out of me.

But, well, we sat down

and when we discussed it

In a mature manner and-And-

And now sh-She'll never,

Never wave this finger

in front of me again.

Amen to that.

Hey, you know what?

I'm gonna tell you something.

It's about compromise.

Now take Salamander here.

Now we get up in each other's

rifle racks now and again.

But then we make up and talk

about it. We bangity-Boo.

You know what I'm saying, Coach?

Solid advice, fellas.

You're good people.

It's still locked.

What's up, guys?

It's time to do something

we should have done long ago.

Get in the back.

Let's go.

Let's do it!

I think we're gonna need

a bigger truck.

I can't believe you, Dad.

Haven't you put

the team through enough?

They did it to themselves, Michelle.

I finally found someone

that I care about

And you're taking

away his dreams.

Sweetie, Trotter

only cares about himself.

I don't like Trotter anymore.

There's somebody else.

Someone kind and sensitive.

Someone who

Loves to laugh and...

Makes me feel wanted and alive.

Michelle, I'm your daddy.

I'm talking about Lance.

Oh... Oh, good.

He's a good boy.

He has a future.

This could be the real thing.

I want what you and Mom have.

Herpes.

No!

True love.

Oh...

Well, if you find it,

hold on to it tight.

Look at me. I blew it.

I promised your mother

I wouldn't let this job

Get in the way of our family,

and I failed her.

It's not too late, Dad.

You can change all of this.

All you have to do

is win the championship.

Can't I lose by just a little?

No, Dad. You have to win.

You've spent your

whole life losing,

And this is your last,

and actually first chance,

To prove everyone wrong.

I know you're scared.

But you have to remember,

There used to be a...

A big, big man inside of you.

There's a reason for that.

I was in prison,

I didn't have a choice.

No, uh...

What I'm trying to say is that...

I believe in you, Dad.

Oh...

And Mom does, too.

Sweetie...

Thank you.

Well...

Then I better take care of business.

And when I'm done, we're gonna

win that championship.

What the hell

is going on here?

Hey, Coach.

Buddy Boy smashed a whole

I Pod's doing body shots

out of his belly button.

And Jorge, he's been

dancing like this

For the past six hours.

And Jasminder,

she made 300 bucks.

And I think that Randy

lost his cherry

To Gwen Stefani over there.

And our signed contracts.

I have never been so proud

of a team in my entire life.

Yes!

Who do you play for?

Comebacks!

Hello, everyone.

Al Michaels, along with

John Madden, and welcome

To Odessa, Texas, home of

the second annual Toilet Bowl.

And-And this is

the place you really want to be, Al-

I mean, right in the middle

of the Toilet Bowl.

I mean, there's no place

in the world I'd rather be.

What's this, Freddie?

Your players look like a bunch

of thankless thugs and thieves.

That's because they are.

They're my gridiron gang.

So, you want to forfeit,

Save yourself a lot of

embarrassment and pain?

Why would I start now?

Lance!

Michelle.

I left something

for you in your locker.

For good luck.

I know.

I'm wearing it.

What?

The lace bra and the...

Crotch-Less panties.

No. I left you a note.

Oh.

A note saying that I'm sorry

For the way that I treated you.

That I was afraid

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