The Competition Page #3

---

Edward Hockett.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're high school

sweethearts.

Now we went to

a yoga class together,

and actually,

oh, you know, I hate to do it

to her really,

but, uh, hey, if Cal's right

and my theory is totally wrong,

then, hey, I haven't done

anything, right?

Right. But you're not going

to actually arrange

for these people

to have sex, are you?

No. OK, so,

Cal and I

argued about this, right?

And he came up

with a good point.

He said, "Well, somebody

could always back out,

or change their mind,

how are you gonna know?"

And I said, "Listen,

if the underwear have come out,

it's a done deal,"

so we decided on that.

Underwear is proof.

You're going to steal

these people's underwear?

Me? No, no, no.

I'm not gonna do that.

Corina's gonna do it.

Who's Corina?

She's a devout

follower of the blog.

She's got some very interesting

things to say about men.

We have gotten close

over the last couple of years.

She... dances.

Exotically.

- [GenShe's a stripper.

- Hey, don't be so judgey.

She's a person.

Like you or me.

Thank you.

Thank you...

Anyway, I said she could

post a victory blog

when we win.

Mm. When you win?

Mm-hmm.

Look, I'm a little bit

of an expert

in human nature, OK?

I can't lose.

OK, but what if you do?

Well, if I do,

I have to admit defeat.

I have to shut

down the blog,

which means I lose

my followers.

Then I have to postpone

the book,

because without a blog

there is no book.

That's a lot of think about.

You must really like him

if you're willing to

risk so much.

I don't know,

I'm going to win.

Also think about

it this way.

If I get the city's

top female advocate attorney

writing on my blog about the

competition and what it proves?

That book, that book

is worth the mint.

Wait, Sharon Gottlieb

she works in our office.

She is happily married,

just had a baby.

Corina is definitely

not her type.

Yeah, no, I know. He threw that in

there. But, you know what? It's fine.

The pig theory applies

to men and women alike.

We all can be pigs.

That's the whole point.

I mean, you and Mom

were a huge inspiration.

Gee, thanks.

So, how are you going

to tempt Sharon?

There's a male dancer

that works at the Caritas Club.

- Oh...

- He's down to play.

And, God,

he's really hot.

Poor Sharon

doesn't stand a chance.

OK. And, uh,

these last two challengers?

Oh right,

Garrett Stuckey.

Yeah, that's, um, that's Cal's

fitness instructor.

You know, he's one of these

thick, veiny-neck kind of guys.

He's been living with the

aerobics instructor for two years.

That seems like an easy one.

Yeah.

That's exactly what I think.

But, I don't know,

Cal swears

he's a man of integrity

and honor.

No, he doesn't actually

talk like that.

I swear, he does.

I don't know, maybe the

competition brought out

a whole new

Prince Charming thing.

That's precious.

Gena, I've been meaning

to ask you.

So, you guys went

to law school together,

you work with him,

you've known him

a long time, he's a guy,

and you're... you.

You guys never slept together

or anything, right?

Of course not!

'Cause that would be gross.

Yes, that would.

Now who is this

last challenger?

Yeah.

That's his minister.

Married guy.

Minister?

That hardly seem fair.

I thought that at

first too, but, I don't know,

he's a

Presbyterian minister,

so he never took

the oath of celibacy,

and I do say that, you know,

the theory applies to everyone,

so, it is fair.

Still, that seems like

kind of a long shot.

Does it, though?

OK but, how can you be sure

he's not going to

tell all of his friends

before just so that he can win?

Uh, yeah,

that's a good point.

Well, I guess we'll just

have to hope that he's

a man of integrity

and honor.

Good evening.

Well, it's just

a temporary shutdown.

Can't be writing

on the blog

in the middle

of the competition.

Don't want to ruin the secret.

Right, Ripley?

OK...

And... I raise

you two dollars.

You are so bluffing.

Kwan, you're not

even in the hand.

It's a Tae Kwon Do trick. I can

read your body, therefore, your mind.

You took Taw Kwon Do

in the third grade.

It never leaves you.

- Oh, my God, Kwan.

- Hey man,

my people

have suffered a lot.

Did you know in some places you're

only allowed to have one kid?

Yeah, but you're hungry again an

hour later, all right, let's go.

Boo-yah!

King high straight.

OK...

Now, don't feel too bad.

I got the brains.

But you, you got the...

I got the looks too.

Didn't even see the flush.

- No!

- Oooh!

Thank you. Thank you.

My doctor says

take two of these

and call him in the morning.

Cal, tell the guys

about your new girlfriend.

The hikes, the long walks

in the park.

Yeah, guys, she's, uh,

yeah, she's pretty great.

Does she work out, bro?

I mean, 'cause you want to keep that ass high and tight,

'cause later she's going to

give up and it's going to sag.

She looks like she works out.

How about we hear about

what she's like?

Well, she's, uh, cool,

and smart and quirky.

A little bit crazy.

Hey, is she a red head?

Come on.

Man, Kimberly has been coming

to bed lately in flannels.

It's a clear message.

- Black women

do not wear flannel.

I'm still being punished from

the last time we went fishing.

You should rub her feet.

What?

I'm telling you,

Jenny loves it

when I rub her feet.

And then I run her calves,

and then I rub her knees.

- Dude!

- We get it! Thank you.

So what kind of crazy is she?

Yeah, like, Angelina Jolie crazy

or Tilda Swinton crazy?

Who the hell is Tilda Swinton?

Nah, I'd say she's probably

the Tilda crazy,

but she's got a lot

of sweetness too.

I'm telling you, this uh,

this girl's a good one.

Well, be nice to her.

I like this one.

Oh, thank you, doctor,

I plan on it.

Hey, guys.

Who the hell is Tilda Swinton?

Jesus, Garrett. Go to a movie.

Go see a movie!

You too busy?

"I'm poundin' weights! Uhh!"

Protein, reps.

Ante up, douche.

Just got off the phone

with Mom, she's pulling up now.

You know, I don't see

what the big deal is.

I mean, she's been dating

since Dad died.

Aren't you even

a little but curious?

- No.

- What if he's the one?

Gena,

she already met the one.

Hello, my darlings.

I'm so sorry

to keep you waiting.

Alejandro is

parking the car.

Hi, Mom.

Hey, Mom,

how have you been?

I love your new... look.

Mama Mia, Bellissimo!

- It's Valentino.

- Giorgio Armani.

BonjournMy darling.

- Oh!

- Sweet.

Guys, this is

Alejandro Baraza.

This is my daughter, Gena,

and my other daughter, Lauren.

Like dulcet dewdrops

dripped from a diamond.

I love it...

- I love it!

- Oh, well!

Oh! Oh.

I'm so sorry!

I just must be a...

drippy, drippy dewdrop.

It's OK, it's OK...

- Let's eat.

- Hmmm.

- Right this way.

- Thank you.

So, they tell you in class

you have to

switch partners every week

so you can experience

different types of dancers.

Alejandro refused to switch.

- Of course.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes