The Competition Page #7

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Yes, of course!

What the hell, Cal!

Well, did... did you sleep

with her or not?

Yeah, I slept with her.

Look,

we went down to the river

and we talked.

After a little while

she made a move,

but... I didn't want to.

I mean, I wanted to,

but... I couldn't do it.

I've never cheated on Jenny,

so we just slept.

What are you laughing about?

You, man!

You're the man!!

Oh, God, OK, all right!

I knew it, I knew you were

one of the good guys, man!

I knew it! OK, that's two.

- Come on, baby, yeah.

- All right, all right.

All right, I believe you.

You know...

Of course, we'll never really

know what happened out there.

But if Mandy didn't

get his underwear,

then I guess we'll say

nothing happened.

Although, she's quite taken

with Simon.

She even wants me to let

her know when he's single.

I don't think

she's his type.

Yeah? She said

he's the first man

to ever turn

her down. Ever.

Hey, you know where I want to

take you when all this is over?

It's not over yet.

I'll take you to Paris.

We can get some striped shirts

and live the life of the mimes.

Really horny mimes.

I know it's going to be tough

for you to shut down that blog,

but, um, you know,

maybe you don't have to.

Maybe you could just... turn it

into something more positive.

Well, there's one more

challenger left.

It could go down

either way.

Ah, yes.

The good minister Dooley.

Well, I'm sorry, babe, but

he's a ringer for the home team.

My man is legit.

There is no way anyone

is going to convince him

to cheat on his wife.

Oh...

People can surprise you.

Mm. Yes, they can.

If there's one thing this

competition has taught me it's that.

Well,

we've decided

to have the last challenge

at Corina's house.

I'll text you the address.

Just tell the minister

that he should

come by around 7

and that you have a friend

who needs some guidance.

We're running

a conversion con.

A conversion con?

Listen to you.

It's a good thing

this is almost over.

You're turning

into a regular gangster.

Well, I have a meeting

with the publishers on Monday,

they want to, you know, discuss

the book proposal, details...

Well, either way,

you're going to have

an interesting story to tell.

Hey, you want to have dinner

with me tomorrow night

while all this is going down?

You know, we can celebrate...

either way,

like a couple of good sports.

Wait for the results

together?

Yeah.

I'd like that.

Okay.

I talked to Minister Dooley

this afternoon

and he was all in for

bringing in another lost sheep,

so... the last competition

has begun.

May the best man win.

May the best person win.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello, this is Calvin.

Uh-huh?

Oh, you're kidding?

Yeah, is he all right?

OK, sure. Sure, yeah,

thanks for letting me know.

Uh-huh. Bye-bye.

- Wow.

- What happened?

Umm, Minister Dooley

is in the hospital.

- What?

- Yeah, apparently,

he broke his leg

playing hoops today.

Oh, God, well...

poor Minister Dooley,

but I'm supposed to be

meeting with the publisher

on Monday... I can't keep

pushing them off.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Um. All right.

We need a new competitor.

So, um...

Jacob.

I'll send Jacob,

it's perfect.

- Jacob?

- Yeah, sure,

he's in the dark about

all this like we agreed,

and he's been engaged

to Danielle for over a year,

so he fits the bill, right?

I'll just, uh,

text him that a friend

needs help

with her computer

- and we'll see

what happens.

- It could work.

- Yeah, yeah, it's going to be good.

It's going to be good. We are

still going to end this tonight.

Ah, he's free.

Sweet! OK, let me text him

the address and boom.

Done. We're back on, OK?

He's kind of a freak, right?

I mean, you sure

you want to use him?

But... he doesn't go

for easy women.

Huh, so, you scared?

Right? You're scared.

You're sensing another W

for team Calvin.

Don't refer to yourself

in the third person.

And don't be a sore loser.

All right? Excuse me,

I'm going to restroom.

It's a close one.

Jacob's good. Jacob's good.

Oh, this is bad,

bad, bad...

Hey, Simon.

Can you just, uh,

tell Calvin that I

started feeling really bad

and I had to leave

and I'll call him later?

- Yeah.

- Great, thanks.

Hey, Simon, man,

did you see where Lauren went?

She said she wasn't feeling well

and that she'd call you.

What, she just took off?

Did she look sick?

She seemed kind of pale,

I guess?

Oh, wow, Jacob,

hey, come in!

Hey, tech geek to the rescue.

I don't know, you don't look

like a geek to me, Jacob.

You OK?

The computer's just

in the bedroom upstairs.

O... kay.

So, where's Cal?

Oh... Cal didn't tell you?

Yeah, we broke up

last night.

Everything was just

moving too fast.

It's OK though.

We're still friends.

Really?

So...

this is the one

that's giving me trouble.

So, is it running slowly

or not at all?

Slowly. But then it freezes

and then I have to

shut the whole thing off

and start over again.

It's-it's infuriating.

It sounds like you just need

to clean up your hard drive,

maybe run a de-frag.

Let me clean

some stuff up here

to see if that

fixes the problem.

- Thanks.

- Mm-hmm.

I'm lucky to have a bonafide

computer genius to help me.

Yeah, that's me.

Wow.

What?

Oh, your-your shoulders

are really tight.

When was the last time

you had a massage?

Oh, my God,

I don't know. Never.

Danielle doesn't give you

shoulder rubs?

No.

Here, unbutton this,

let me get in there.

Oh, God, that feels good.

Oh...

Just need to let

the de-frag run a little while.

Takes a bit.

Thanks.

So, you and Calvin

are definitely over?

I just want this

whole thing to be over.

I'm so confused.

I just...

I can't even think straight.

Broke up?

Hey, hey, it's OK.

Everything is OK.

I'm here.

Yeah.

Yeah, you are, aren't you?

Yeah, I'm here.

You've, uh, you've been

a great friend, Jacob.

Yeah? All right.

I think I understand you

pretty well.

Yeah, I always

really liked you.

Oh, um... Sorry, sorry.

Just my head really hurts.

I need an aspirin.

You're the perfect woman,

Lauren.

- What?

- You're the perfect woman.

I created an app that I sold

for a ton of money this week

and it's all about you.

The perfect woman.

I'm going to be rich and now

that Calvin is out of the way,

I can take care of you

like you deserve.

Uhh, I'm not

the perfect woman... at all.

You have no idea

how messed up I am, actually.

Ohh, I'm so messed up, so maybe

we're perfect for each other!

- Uh, wait, hold on.

- What?

I think my phone is... yeah.

Yeah, I did hear it...

Uh, oh... Mom?

- Yeah, I'm, um...

- Lauren?

You don't have

to tease me anymore.

I'm already

crazy about you.

I knew... I always knew we would

be together, I just knew it!

What the hell

is going on in here?

Oh, my God,

Calvin.

Oh... Nothing, nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Oh my... I'm so sorry.

It was the competition

and I was trying to win.

Uh, isn't life

really a competition?

Wait...

Dude, you guys broke up!

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