The Cookout Page #4

to your parents' house?

It's looking a lot

better, isn't it?

This is what you got to

deal with out in the...

Oh, she got the Bible.

What is this?

Garden Ridge Estates

Rules and Regulations.

All four volumes.

I suggest

you learn them.

You all right, sir?

I'm sorry to startle you.

You have a lovely day.

- You have a great day.

- Thanks for all your help.

I got my eye on you.

I still see you.

You feel safe now?

Yeah. I'm great.

Come on now. Come on.

Be careful with

them boxes now, baby.

Yo, Ma, this is dope!

You did your thing in here!

You like it, baby?

Yeah, I like it!

This is crazy!

I'm glad you like it.

Come give

your mama a kiss.

Thank you, Mommy.

Look here.

You see how your mama

put all your pictures...

under the glass?

This way, you can look

at all your pictures...

at one time.

Check this out, man.

OK, look. This is my cousin

Leroy right here, right?

He failed the bar nine times.

Still gives legal advice.

Right.

Oh, look. And there goes

Jasper and Jerome.

They are real country.

Who's this little

girl right here...

with the funny-

looking teeth?

Oh, that's

my best friend-Becky.

Yeah.

Oh, that's Becky.

And look here. Now

that's them in the tub.

Whoa. Chill.

We was just cool.

It wasn't even like that.

Yo, but I wonder if those

braces ever fixed her teeth.

You seen her?

Why? So both of you...

can take a splish-splash

in your brand-new tub?

Oh, come on, baby.

It wasn't even like that.

Stop. Stop. Come on.

Come on now. That's

enough of all of that.

Come on. We're going

to see the bedroom.

You, come on.

My old bedroom set!

Oh!

Your mother thought

it might help ease...

your transition from moving

out of the house.

Thank you, Mom.

Oh, look.

Little kiddie,

sporty...

Bed sheets. Yay!

Ain't they the bomb?

Maybe we can just wear...

the matching little kiddie

pajamas with it, too.

I'd rather be dead

than sleep in this.

Hello.

Hey, honey.

Is Todd there?

Todd.

Todd.

Todd, get up!

What? What?

The phone is for you.

What's... hello.

Hey, Todd. It's me-Wes.

You awake, buddy?

I got some good news.

Come on. Get your butt

out of bed.

What's up, man?

Cynthia Peters, the head

of Stone Mountain Wireless,

is interested in meeting you

for an endorsement.

For real?

Yes! She wants

to meet you A.S.A.P.

What? Are you too busy?

No, no, no, no.

I'm available.

I can do it.

Are you serious?

Yes, I'm serious!

I'm gonna have her come

by your house Saturday morning.

Yo, listen, man.

Whenever she can do it...

I'm here. Just do it.

We'll do the meeting...

first thing Saturday morning

with Ms. Peters.

Then you'll have the rest

of the afternoon...

for the cookout

with your parents.

Talk to you later.

I'll see you Saturday.

You're rich! You're rich!

OK, bye. Bye.

Baby, that was Wes.

Stone Mountain Wireless...

is considering me

as a spokesperson...

for their family

time campaign.

Oh, man!

Whoo! One of the reps is

coming over this Saturday...

to meet me, baby.

Oh.

Yo, what did you do

with all my mom's stuff?

Oh, baby, look.

Everything that

your mom tried to do...

was really great

and everything...

but I just think that it was

a little bit too down-home...

and baby, what you need

is a hip, progressive image.

Focus. Focus.

Hey, don't worry

about the house, OK?

Ms. Peters is gonna

be here any second.

You need to sell her on you.

On you, babe.

OK, look. Whatever it takes

to get this deal.

But as soon as she leaves,

I want all this stuff...

back the way it was

before my mom gets here.

And you might want

to return this.

No! That cock cost me

a lot of money to get.

You've got a giant cock

in your kitchen.

It's ridiculous.

Baby.

I miss you.

I miss you more.

Lil Dee?

Who the hell is Lil Dee?

What's good, chief?

What was that-

Public Enemy?

Are you addressing me,

young man?

If you are, it is

Judge Holstead Crowley...

not chief.

Hey, man,

I'm Todd Andersen...

your new neighbor.

Good to see...

another brother in

the neighborhood, man.

Brother?

You're not any

relations of mine.

O... K.

I just wanted

to come over here...

and invite you

to a cookout.

Thank you for the invitation,

but I will not be coming...

to your... cookout.

And keep it down.

It's one thing for you

to call me out my name.

It's a whole nother thing...

for you to call me

some other trick's name.

Don't make me break the glass.

I got to go.

I'll deal with you later.

Hey! Yo! Hey! Hey!

Whoa! Stop!

I'll do the talking, man.

Do I look good?

You look phat.

Step out of the car.

Step out of the car?

I'm not stepping

out of the car.

You're a rent-a-cop,

fool. Ha ha!

A rent-a-cop?

Yeah.

I'll have you know

I passed...

the marksmanship exam

with a perfect score.

I passed the physical

endurance test...

in record time.

And I passed

the written test...

in the top

first percentile.

That's all the way

at the top, OK?

Now, just because

I wasn't able...

to pass some

psychological exam...

don't mean I don't

have no authority.

I'll break the glass

on your ass.

She crazy.

Next time,

at the gate, OK?

Yeah. How stupid.

Don't just

drive through. Stop.

Carry your dumb asses on.

Man, let's get

to cousin Todd's house, man.

Hey, what are

you guys making?

We do not "make. "

Ham-fisted

day labowers make.

Labow-whats?

Labowers. The workers.

We are artists, yes?

We-poof!- create.

They create.

OK. So, what are

you creating?

Please.

What the heck

is a labower?

I don't know.

Just focus, OK?

Ms. Peters is-

Is here.

Look. Just be cool,

be yourself.

If you feel like

you're losing her...

tell her some sob story

about how hard life was...

growing up in the hood.

White liberals love

"the poor kid...

from the ghetto

doing good" rap...

even though Iverson

almost killed it.

All right, relax, smile,

look pretty.

Hello, Ms. Peters.

Come on in.

Ms. Peters, it is so nice

to finally meet you.

The pleasure

is all mine.

I must say...

you have a lovely home,

and I especially like...

the way you've

decorated it.

Thank you.

You were talking

to Todd. Ha ha.

Wes Reilly.

Come on in.

Let's get you

a nice cool beverage, OK?

Did someone just ask

where their b*tches are?

What's crackin',

lackey cousin?

Willie, Nelson...

what the hell

are you doing here?

Saturday. We came

for the cookout.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yo, man, where

the grubbles at?

We got the munchies

like a mug, man.

Look, man, forget it.

You don't mind, do you?

No. Go right ahead.

Check this out, baby.

Just like... mmm.

That just tastes,

like, good.

Now, that is good.

Like a nice piece

of white bread. Mmm!

With a little bit

of butter on it.

OK, Wes, we've got to

reschedule this meeting.

Not gonna happen.

Their new ad campaign

is starting this week.

We've got to

lock you in today.

No, no, no. I don't think

you quite understand.

This is just the beginning.

Todd's family is like the

black Beverly Hillbillies.

So unless she's

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