The Cookout Page #8

Take the high road,

my sons.

There's no such thing

as an... easy bake.

Light 'em up.

Light 'em up.

I can't feel

my face, man.

Ah, who would

have thought...

that a straight-laced

dude like you...

would enjoy

getting a lift? Man.

I used to like to do

a lot of things...

before I married

Mrs. Crowley-

drink malt liquor...

listen to rap music...

eat Oreo cookies.

Oh, I know that one.

If she's such

a buzz-kill then...

man, why did you marry her?

It was a good

business decision.

See, she comes from money...

and where I was raised,

money marries money.

Yeah, but them tits

is nice, too, though, huh?

What about them nipples?

She got some little raisins...

or some nice big gumdrops?

That's my wife

you're talking about.

Oh, my bad, man.

Sorry.

OK.

Gumdrops.

I knew it! I seen them

in her shirt!

You mind if I help?

Knock yourself out.

Oh! Sweet Jesus!

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on.

Let me help.

Let me help.

You'll tear

the thing up.

Is it coming out?

You can put a flower

or something over it.

A flower, Em?

Look at this.

I got to take this

back tomorrow.

$1,200?

Why'd you spend

$1,200 on a dress?

I wanted to be more

fabulous than you, OK?

Nettie, come on.

Come here.

Come on. Sit down.

God, Nettie,

come on now.

When you and me,

we were coming up...

we were tight,

we were close.

Then everything

changed. Everything.

Why?

All the while

we were growing up...

all I ever heard was how

beautiful Emma was...

and how smart Emma was.

Even now, it's like

you're the better parent.

Todd is hosting a cookout

in this castle...

and Jamal can't even get

a pro basketball tryout.

You're acting like...

this is some kind

of competition.

Jamal is top honors

in his class, Nettie.

He's damn near

a straight-A student, OK?

He could be a doctor

or a lawyer.

You ever think about that?

He could change the world.

Wow. Change the world.

Lawyers and doctors

make good money.

Hello.

This ain't no

competition, but...

they make good money.

Miss Becky Cruz.

Hey.

Hey, Lady Em.

Thanks for inviting me.

Hi, baby.

Your mother told me

I'd find you back here.

Cookout's around the back.

Just follow the cigarette burns

and the doo-doo diapers.

You don't recognize me,

do you... Doo-doo head?

Doo-doo head?

Buck teeth, braces,

glasses so thick...

I could see

into the future.

Becky?

Yo. Girl.

Hey.

Sit down. Sit down.

Sit down.

Oh, man.

Damn, girl!

You look...

What happened?

You... you did your thing.

What can I say?

After 10 years in braces...

I guess my teeth finally

decided to cooperate.

The last time

I saw you was...

the cookout that my moms

threw for me and Jamal...

before I went to Rutgers.

Yeah. I just graduated

from Spellman.

Congratulations.

Thanks. I just

moved back home.

I start at dental

school in the fall.

But enough about me.

Look at you.

You've come really far,

Doo-doo head.

Not far enough.

When moms gave word

about this cookout...

my family

started showing up...

faster than roaches

at a garbage strike.

Yo, hurry up.

What's taking you so long?

Yo, Wheeze, hurry up

so we can get out of here.

I almost got it.

Excuse me. What do you

think you're doing?

Come here and shut up.

Aah! Please don't hurt me.

Just drive the car and

nobody will get hurt...

you sexy little self.

OK, I will, but my

boyfriend's really rich.

He'll give you

anything you want.

You just get us

to Garden Ridge.

We'll worry about

your boyfriend later.

Remember about two years ago...

when you were playing

against Indiana State?

You were struggling

the whole game.

That was the worst

game I ever had.

Yeah, I think I was, like...

2 for 8 from

the free-throw line.

Your family had

these big signs up...

with your name on them...

and they stayed up

the entire game...

even when you

were on the bench.

They brought those

signs to every game.

They've always

had your back.

W- wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

So you used to

watch me play?

Don't change the subject.

But... yes.

Just because

we lost touch...

doesn't mean I didn't

check up on you.

I guess I got some

apologizing to do.

Yep.

You know, Becky...

I always, always

thought you were...

really special

to me, and, um...

it was something

I always wanted to do...

but I never

got a chance to-

I wanted to

do that earlier.

Whoo! Yes.

Come on.

Summer.

It's really summer.

Yeah. Thank you, man.

Ma, those potatoes

you made earlier was banging.

Look, Ma, the stuff

I said earlier-

I love you, too, Todd.

Come here.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I'm sorry.

Jeeves, what

are you doing?

Well, I'm giving

to-go containers...

to your guests, Sir.

Man, put those away.

People only use those

to bring food home...

after a cookout.

Oh. Very good, Sir.

Let's go. Let's go.

I put his ass in check

right quick...

just like I done you.

Plus that stupid gate arm

won't open.

Oh!

Remember, I always

loved you, baby.

Time to break the glass.

You know, I'm...

I'm trying to find...

my husband Holstead.

Have you seen

my husband Holstead?

My husband Holstead?

Excuse me!

Has anybody seen Holstead?

My husband.

Holstead!

What have you done?

What it look like?

I gave me and that b*tch

some flavor.

What did I tell you about

using that kind of language...

in front of-Aah!-

language in front of her?

Have you forgotten

how sensitive she is?

Look here, woman.

Things are gonna

change around here.

I'm tired of you

putting your foot...

on the back of a brother's

neck all the time.

There it is.

Amen, brother.

Don't let her put white balls

in mother earth.

Damn straight.

I've never seen you

like this before.

I mean, you're so proud

and... sexy.

Let's... go home. Now.

Woman, what did I

just tell you?

We go home

when I say so.

All right.

Come on. Let's go.

I know that's right,

Mrs. Crowley.

You better get that.

OK, everybody,

let's say grace.

Todd, you're our host.

Lead us in prayer.

Dear Lord, thank you

for this gathering-

Sir!

A Mr. Big Pimping

Bling-Bling...

and Mr. O.G. Big Wheezer.

What's that smell?

It's the sneakers...

the funky-ass sneakers

over there.

That don't smell like feet.

It smells like ass.

Yeah.

Y'all are doing

the damn thing in here, huh?

Corn...

ham...

some chicken...

mac and cheese.

Looks like y'all don't need

no more of that.

Brittany,

what's this trash...

you done brought up

in this house?

I'm sorry. He has a gun.

But, Lady Em,

here's the ham.

It has bone in it

and everything.

Why is it that every time...

black folks get together

to have a good time...

jokers like you always seem

to mess it up?

Your kind is the reason...

good folk like Todd

leave the neighborhood.

Young man,

you're not welcome here.

Shut the hell up, lady.

Take care of them kids

back there.

That's what you

need to be doing.

Look, man, who are you?

And what the hell are you doing

in my house, man?

Don't act like

you don't know me.

I taught you

everything you know.

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