The Cooler Page #2

Whoa, whoa... easy.

Fellas?

You think it's f***ing funny?

- Take it easy, man.

Think it's funny this

place is stealing...

my-- f***ing numb-nuts,

let go of me.

I'll have you fired,

you piece-of-sh*t...

b*tch! Piece of

f***ing garbage!

# But now I couldn't do

without my supply #...

# I need you for my own #...

# Oh, I can't break away

I must have you every day #...

# As regularly as coffee

or tea #...

# You got me in your clutches

and I can't break free #...

# You're getting to be

a habit with me... #

Oh, Shelly.

I love you, Shelly.

He's the man,

he's the best man. Salut.

No, no, no.

He hates that sh*t.

He really does.

# I used to think your love... #...

# Was something that I... #...

# Could take... #...

# Or leave alone #...

# But now I couldn't do

without my supply... #...

There he is.

- Hey.

Shelly, I was a f***ing

embarrassment...

out there, do you

understand that?

You should never have...

talked me into going

out there, Shelly.

I should have never let you.

Frank is rolling

over in his grave.

I've got strep, man.

You understand that?

I've got strep.

Listen to me, Pops, you were...

pure velvet out there.

It was just silk.

And also, looky-looky

what was hanging...

on the doorknob. Huh?

Forget about your tonsils.

When the muff confetti

stops coming,

that's when you know

you got trouble.

Did you get a receipt?

Excuse me?

- They're on sale in the lobby.

Charlayne's. This is

'Victoria's Secret

Valentine Collection.'

What about that broad

you got coming here later?

How much did she set

you back? Nothing...

but the best for

old Buddy, right?

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Gimme, you don't deserve this.

You got all those

ladies going home...

with a nice breeze

between their legs,

'cause you do it

the way they like it...

and you're saying I'm some

Buddy Stafford

ego pimp, huh?

Hey, f*** you

and-- f*** you.

Come on, give it to me.

Give it to me, man.

Come on, come on!

Come on, don't be a prick.

Come on, man.

Come on, give it to me!

Come on, man.

Oh, f***! F***!

Do you ever watch

any of those nature shows?

What?

You know, those

nature shows.

You watch them?

Yeah, I've seen

a few nature shows.

Yeah? Well, this one I've seen

about a dozen times.

It's about... lions.

It's about...

the cycle of life of the lions...

and the leader of the pack.

'Pride'. With lions it's a pride.

- Yeah.

This old king lion, right?

He's getting on in years...

and then sooner or later...

some young male

comes along.

He challenges him...

and he beats...

the f*** out of this

old lion, right?

He just kicks the

sh*t out of him.

And then... then they push him

out of the pride...

and he has to go in the jungle...

and scavenge and

he dies alone.

The nature's got

some sense of humor, huh?

No sh*t.

See, but Shelly,

it's tragic because...

he's past it,

this old f***ed lion...

and he doesn't know it...

and it would be so

much easier for him,

if he could just...

walk away.

And... he could

avoid all the pain...

and the humiliation.

Hey...

that would be like accepting...

that you were dead

already, right?

I think I like it better

nature's way, don't you?

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Yeah, that's it.

Buy you a drink?

Yeah.

Shelly, you got a minute?

Shelly, this is

Johnny Cappella.

How you doing, Shelly?

I know you from

some place, right?

Johnny's been opening

for Danny Ganz at the Mirage.

Now Sony is talking

about signing him...

to a three-album deal.

They're going to position him

as the new Harry Connick.

And I should be

interested in this... why?

Johnny's looking to headline.

I thought we might

be interested.

We?

- Did I come at a bad time?

Even if I was interested,

I got fresh ink with Buddy

for the next five years.

I just renegotiated his contract.

Listen, you two need to be

on the same page.

Larry, listen, if I don't

hear from you by Thursday,

I'm taking the Stardust.

All right? I'm going there.

I understand.

- Johnny Cappella, gone.

We'll definitely be

in touch, Johnny.

A**holes.

Your progressed

Venus is in Gemini...

and it's in direct motion,

which means...

...you're a slow starter

when it comes to romance.

Sorry. You know what?

This is real

unprofessional of me.

I shouldn't discuss your chart

with you until I'm all done.

I can tell by the

look on your face...

you think this is all a lot of B.S.

No, I just... I know what

the outcome's gonna be.

There's not like one

particular outcome.

A lot of things come

into the picture, like...

the planets, the moon phases--

The outcome won't

change with me.

It'll be all bad.

- Oh, my God.

I have never met anyone...

who was so down

on themselves.

Do you know

what I do at the Shangri-La?

I asked around.

You're a cooler.

You turn winners into losers.

- Do you know how I do that?

Listen, I know there's

a lot of stuff...

that happens in

casinos all the time.

I do it by being myself.

People get next to

me, their luck turns.

It's always been that way.

Well, that sounds...

like a self-fulfilling

prophecy to me.

There's a whole chapter

of that in my book...

I only got six more days.

Well... really almost five.

I'm leaving town.

Only five more days?

Then we shouldn't waste

any more time.

You want to go back

to your place?

If this is--

I'm not sure...

I'm not sure I can afford...

I can't afford to--

- Christ.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

Wait, I didn't mean it.

See, this is what

I'm talking about.

I've gone and cooled

the damn table.

Shut up, Bernie,

shut up.

You haven't gone

and cooled anything.

Not by a long shot.

Oh, God.

You know...

once they're dead,

they don't really grow back...

in case that's

what you were waiting for.

Oh, my God, you got a cat?

So... you got any music?

Hey...

come here.

Sit.

Relax, Bernie, relax.

I assure you...

at least one of us

has done this before.

This is not the first time

I've ever--

Surprise me.

I like this.

# Luck, be a lady tonight #...

# Luck, be a lady tonight #...

# Luck, if you've

ever been a lady...

to begin with #...

# Luck, be a lady tonight #...

# Luck, let a gentleman see #...

# How nice a girl

you can be #...

# I know the way

you've treated...

other guys you've

been with... #...

They're snaps.

- I think I can get it.

Ow! Wait. Pull down some.

Okay.

- Ouch!

I'm sorry.

- It's okay. It's okay.

# It isn't fair...#

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, sh*t.

# A lady doesn't wander

all over the room #...

# And blow

on some other guy's dice #...

# So let's keep

this party polite #...

# Never get out of my sight #...

# Stick with me, baby,

I'm the fella you

came in with #...

# Luck, be a lady tonight... #

Sorry.

# Luck, let a gentleman see... #

It's okay, Bernie.

I've had worse.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, God.

I know I'm gonna pay for this,

I just--

I don't know who you are

or what-- I don't...

This was good and I'm glad.

I don't care.

You've got a great cock.

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