The Cooler Page #5

Hi, Bernie.

F***ing rock star!

Give me them dice back.

Okay, pay me, moron,

pay me. Come on!

$9,000, $9,000.

- Give him $9,000.

We're on a streak here.

Move it, move it, move it.

God bless you all.

Point is nine. Point is nine.

Let me get all the hard ways...

for 'Team Moron'

here, okay? All right.

This is great!

- For you guys, all right?

Here we go.

- Come on.

Six and three. Five and four.

- This is for the baby.

Come on.

Oh, oh, careful!

Come on, guys, with

the cigarettes.

We've got a pregnant

woman here.

Put them out. I'm winning

you guys money. Come on!

Come on.

All right.

What gives?

He's up 18,000

since I stepped up to the table.

Sorry, Shelly. I'm kind of

hit-or-miss these days.

$9,000, $9,000. Oh, baby.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I can feel a kick.

F***ing amateurs.

Let's get it. Let's get it!

Nope. That's it. Line away.

Guys, I thank you.

My pregnant wife thanks you.

My unborn child

thanks you very much, okay?

Color me up, will you?

And keep one of these

little blue ones for yourself.

Thank you very much.

That's quite a run

you had there, champ.

Oh, yeah, lucky!

Lucky night, I guess, huh?

- It's so exciting to watch, too.

If you don't mind,

I'd like to settle

this in my office.

I don't like to lay out

that kind of cash on the floor.

We'll go up there, relax a bit,

have a drink,

name your poison,

a little apple juice

for the mother-to-be here.

Seriously?

- Yeah.

Should I take this

stuff with me?

No.

Yeah...

Okay, that is not

how I propose we handle this.

We turn this matter

over to the authorities.

They'll be blacklisted,

their credit ruined--

Then, I suppose I should stick...

a f***ing lollipop

in their mouths...

for the ride home, huh?

Let me tell you

something, 'Harvard,'...

come upstairs with

me in my office,

watch and learn how to protect...

your investments

the old-school way.

F***.

Ow, ow, ow... ow!

All right. Here we go

everybody. Let's go.

Shelly? Shelly!

Shelly, wait a second.

Get off me! No!

Shelly, wait. Wait!

Don't, don't. Don't do this.

Stay out of this, Bernie.

It's got nothing to do with you.

It's got everything

to do with me.

He's my son.

Him? This little prick

is your son?

Pop, you've got to

help me out here.

Shut up!

What are you talking about?

Wait, wait. Are you in on this?

Huh?

- What! ?

I asked you a f***ing question.

You come clean with me now.

No! For God's sake,

what's the matter with you?

I didn't know nothing

about this!

Shithead here is your son?

Let me ask you a question.

How much you think

their two lives are worth?

Myself, I don't think they're...

worth piss, but hey,

he ain't my kid.

This shithead was up

That's 150 grand

that somebody's...

got to account for.

What do you say you cover

them both, 75 apiece, huh?

Come on, Shelly.

They didn't get away

with the money.

You haven't lost nothing.

- Go to work.

Pop! Pop!

- No, wait! Come on!

Jesus!

- Wait.

All right, all right.

God damn it. All right.

All right, all right.

I'm good for it. $150 G's.

I'm good for it.

It's all right, honey.

- Oh, my God, the contractions.

I need to go to the hospital.

- Come on, Shelly.

Oh, for God's sake, Shelly.

Will you help her out?

That's my grandkid.

Oh, my God, that's right.

That's Bernie's

grandchild in there.

You all right, sweetheart?

You need to go to

the hospital, huh?

Uh-huh.

- I'll bet you do.

Jesus!

- Charlene!

Hey, everybody look,

It's a boy!

Oh, can you believe this?

Bernie, you have a grandson!

Shelly:
Bernie's got

a little grandson!

Isn't he cute? Isn't he cute?

I think he looks

like you, Bernie.

What do you think?

A nice healthy grandson.

Want to hold your

grandson, Bernie? Huh?

Break out the

champagne, everybody.

Bernie's a grandfather.

You still want

to make good on this?

If you want to

change your mind,

I don't blame you.

I'll make it up to you, Pop.

I swear.

I'm good for it.

All right, up on the

table, right now!

Whoa, whoa whoa--

Wait a second.

Shelly, we had a deal!

$150 G's buys their lives.

This is a little slap on the wrist

to remember me by.

Wait, wait.

- No, no!

Jesus, Shelly, no!

Come on.

F***!

I brought this on myself.

I planted the seeds.

When Angela had run off

with Mikey, I didn't--

I never made--

I never made an effort

to get back in his life.

I figured...

the kid don't need

a f***ing loser for a father.

And now it's come full circle.

I give him the money,

I open the door to all this.

This-- I got this coming to me.

This is-- this is payback.

Are you done

beating yourself up, Bernie?

# My funny Valentine #...

# Sweet comic Valentine #...

# You... #...

# Make me smile

with my heart #...

# Your looks are laughable #...

# Unphotographable #...

# Yet... #...

# You're my favorite

work of art... #

Bernie...

are you awake?

I think that...

I love you.

No.

I don't think.

I'm pretty sure of it.

You blindsided me,

Bernie Lootz.

I never saw it coming.

You shouldn't do that to a girl.

There's so many things

you don't know,

that you should know.

Oh, f***,

I don't want to ruin this.

It-- it don't matter.

It don't matter

what you come clean about,

it's not gonna change

the way I feel about you.

It's not.

Natalie, I...

I'd say it, but...

- Say it, just say it.

No, with my rotten luck--

Don't-- f*** rotten luck, Bernie.

That's over.

I love you, Natalie.

I really, really love you.

Trixie?

You came back?

# What a day this has been #...

# What a rare mood I'm in #...

# Why, it's almost like

being in love #...

# There's a smile

on my face #...

# For the whole

human race #...

# I would swear

I am falling in love... #

Tell Bernie to go to table six.

# All the music of life

seems to be #...

# Like a bell

that is ringing for me #...

# And from the way

that I feel #...

# When the bells

start to peal #...

# I would swear

I am falling #...

# I can swear

that I'm falling #...

# Well, it's almost like

being in love... #

Lovett, party of six,

your table is ready.

Duty calls.

Bye.

Yes!

# All the music

oflife seems to be #...

# Like a bell

that is ringing for me #...

# And from the way

that I feel #...

# When the bells

start to peal #...

# I would swear

I am falling #...

# I can swear

that I'm falling #...

# Well, it's almost

like being... #...

# Well, it's almost like

being in love. #

Hey, Shelly, check it out.

The new 'Mega Million.'

I call her 'Marnie.'

You know,

'cause she's one frigid broad.

You want to tell me

what's going on out there?

I don't know.

What do you mean

you don't know?

We're down almost

a mil out there.

Doesn't that seem

strange to you?

I guess I'm having an off day.

No, no, no.

You don't have off days, Lootz.

You're shitty luck incarnate.

What's wrong?

You coming down

with something?

You have this look about you.

No, no, I'm fine. As

a matter of fact,

I've never been better.

Give it a shot.

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