The Day the Earth Caught Fire Page #4

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better and more weapons,

we should be concentrating on the

tremendous task of feeding the hungry,

healing the sick and

clothing the naked.

Let us abandon our nuclear weapons...

And may the best man win.

- You all right?

- Yeah, but my camera!

Daily Express. Can I join you?

Why not? We've got

The Herald up here already.

- Always ahead of the Express.

- Yeah, when it comes to getting out of fights.

- Now, don't start another one up here.

- Holy smoke! Look at that!

- It's an eclipse.

- That certainly wasn't in the schedule.

- Lend me this for a minute, will you?

- Hey, what, what are you doing?

I'm press. I want a picture out of this.

What have you got in?

- Black and white or colour?

- Black and white.

Wait a minute. Give me those.

Hey, I've got some pictures in there.

Don't worry, you'll get them

processed for nothing.

- Right. Let's go.

- Go where? I don't want to go anywhere.

Fleet Street. You'll get your roll back

and a dozen free. Take you 10 minutes.

I don't care a tinker's damn about

this eclipse of the sun as such.

The evening papers will cane it.

It'll be dead by tomorrow morning.

But what I do care about is why

there's been an eclipse of the sun

10 days before it was due.

Bill, this is your department.

I don't know why everybody

regards me as Nostradamus.

- Your guess is as good as mine.

- Yes, but I don't want guesses, I want facts.

Try someone on top. Sir John Kelly.

What about the Astronomer

Royal at Herstmonceux?

Stenning got in to see Kelly.

- He had 28 fully armed guards around him.

- Yes, but what did he say?

He wouldn't even say good night,

in case it was taken as an official comment

on the future of mankind.

Which convinces me even more

that information's being

withheld in Downing Street.

Here, we can't use this. Take it

across to the Evening Standard.

And if you're quick with it, they might

be able to make the first late night.

- I'll send a messenger right away.

- Never mind about a messenger,

it's your picture.

Follow it through yourself.

Does anyone really care about the weather

after the bashing they've just had?

I agree. We're lucky to

have any sun to eclipse.

You know something, sir?

I only know what I read

in these agency reports,

and I only know what

I see on this map.

Southern France, Sicily, Libya.

Ten days of torrential rain

in their peak summer months.

The Nile flooding the Egyptian deserts

for the first time in known history.

Look. It's a straight line, follow it down.

Here's Western Australia.

Arid wastes two feet deep in water.

New Zealand, floods.

And at home, an untabled eclipse.

Are we suggesting it has something

to do with the double bomb?

Oh, sure. We blew the moon

ahead of its schedule.

I'm not joking about this, are you?

Look, all I know is what

I read in the papers.

There may be some after-effects,

atmospherically, due to the bomb,

- but quite frankly, I wouldn't know.

- Well, I want to know.

- Can you give us anything to go on?

- Nothing.

Except that I've heard that the boffins

are running around like lunatics

putting bits and pieces together that

might add up to a very big story indeed.

I want it, and I want it first.

Is that clear, then?

I want it first, whatever it is.

Just announced, Sir John Kelly's on

television and radio before the 1:00 news.

He'll have a lot of hecklers.

As I am sure, most of you will know,

a solar eclipse occurs as a result

of the interposition of the moon

between the Earth and the Sun.

And that, children,

is how the little bunny rabbit

got his fluffy white tail.

When one considers the

moon is 240,000 miles away

and the sun 93 million,

it is an extraordinary thing that astronomers

can tell with such a degree of accuracy

what their movements will

be many years ahead.

Now, what does that mean?

- It means he doesn't know what it's all about.

- Right.

...start searching for wild causes.

In this case, many of you will blame

the unfortunate concurrence

of the two nuclear detonations.

But, of course, this is nonsense.

- It is certainly nothing to worry about.

- Of course not.

It's all good, clean fun.

Just light the blue paper and

retire to a safe distance.

Get me another drink, will you?

Come on, then. Out you get.

What shall we go on now?

Let's go on this one.

- What, again?

- Yes, let's go on it again.

- No, let's go on the ghost train.

- Well, we haven't much time left.

Yes, we have! Yes, we have!

- Come on, then.

- Good!

Out you get.

Alley-oop!

Let's go in again.

I wish we had time, Mike.

You shouldn't take him into

that place, Mr Stenning,

it makes him dream.

We'll have to go back now.

No! I'm going to stay here forever.

I'm going to live here.

- Now, don't be silly.

- No, you better go now, Mike. It's almost 1:00.

And will we go on the

ghost train next Sunday?

Yes, we will.

You really make things very

difficult for me, Mr Stenning.

Good-bye then, Daddy.

Good-bye, son.

Now, come along, Michael,

or your mother'll be angry.

One of each.

Well, it just shows you

what the sun brings out.

Quite a day to jump in a pool, isn't it?

Made any good connections lately?

Please. This is my day off.

Come the revolution,

and we'll all have Sunday off.

I have to be in the

office two hours ago.

I hate to think of them trying to print

that great big paper without you.

- Tell me something, Miss, er...

- "Miss Er" will do.

Are you anti-press or just anti-me?

On the contrary, I wish you the

best of luck on your prowl.

You'll find the bikini section

of the forest nearer the river.

- Why don't you howl over there.

- Oh, come on, now, what did I do?

- What...?

- I know, I know.

I shouted at you on the phone.

But that was four weeks ago,

does there have to be a blood feud?

Besides, I was under stress

and sober at that time.

It was my first day on that board.

I did some terrible things.

I connected Mr Holroyd with his wife

and he though he was talking to his...

Oh, dear. I shouldn't

have told you that.

Why not? It made my day.

No, a switchboard is very confidential,

and an Air Ministry one is even more "very".

How "very" is your phone number?

- It's a bad line. You get nothing but crackle.

- I love crackle.

You're sitting on my skirt.

Oh, sorry. Look, there's a lunch

place down there by the boating pool.

We could get fish and chips

and pretend we're in Venice.

Sundays I don't eat lunch.

- Okay, Miss Er.

- And that's not feuding, it's dieting.

- Dinner?

- No. Tonight's hair wash night.

Well, that lets out breakfast,

because I can't stand those pins.

If you turn over quick,

you can lose an eye.

Well, I suppose that's

the end of our summer.

Well, we'd better get on the main

road while we can still find our way there.

I've got to get my things first.

I left them over here.

Don't you get lost as well.

No, not that way. That's the river.

- Okay, I found them.

- Well, that's great.

Now, do you think you can find me?

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