The Day the Earth Caught Fire Page #7

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Well, supposing you want to

use the bathroom in the night?

We'll deal with each

problem as we get to it.

I have a big problem, Jeannie.

As well as being normal, I'm human.

You're also a pushover, Pete.

Meaning you're not interested.

Maybe I could be, but don't

make it so easy. Be hard to get.

Make me fight for you.

It's an unfair contest.

Well, who knows,

you might even be lovable.

But don't rush me.

I'm allergic to one-night stands.

Now if you'll give me five minutes,

I'll finish my hair.

Normally I'd offer to help,

but in the circumstances...

In the circumstances,

you can take a well-earned nightcap.

There should be a bottle

of something in the kitchen.

I forgot, Saint Bernards'

carry their own.

- You'll get a glass in there, too.

- Maybe I will.

Maybe I won't.

- Did you find it?

- Yes, I found it.

Look, if I've got to play hard-to-get

for you to go steady with me,

how about a few immigration details?

- Such as?

- Oh, where you slept for the last seven years.

Have you ever suffered from marriage,

divorce or any similar virus?

Only two near infections.

Any other inquiries?

No, the rest seems to be all right.

Maybe I will.

One or two pillows?

Oh, I'll just wedge my

head between the taps.

I'd offer you a pair of my pyjamas,

but it's a bit hot, isn't it?

Yeah. You wouldn't like to come

into my place for a drink?

- It's against the house rules.

- You like your guests sober.

I like you sober.

Good night, Jeannie.

Good night, Pete.

And thanks, for the

use of the bathroom.

You're welcome.

Sleep well.

Hello?

Jeannie's Club?

Oh, yes. Just a minute.

- Pete!

- Yeah?

Phone.

So, what do we do now?

Can you push it under the door?

Come and get it, idiot.

Just a minute, please.

Sorry. It must be the office.

Yes? Stenning here.

We just put the first edition to bed

without you. I hope that's all right.

Okay, okay. It caught you there,

it caught me here. There's no justice.

But just to even things up,

you can call round at the

Met Centre tomorrow morning

and get me some comparative ice

floe figures for the last 20 years.

You'll be surprised at what

I might bring you tomorrow.

I've... I've made a new contact.

Well, they're rather

fussy about new members.

You have to be vouched for by two friends,

and you don't have two friends.

Yeah, you too, you vulgar man.

Compromised while telephoning.

- What does it all mean, Pete?

- It means you'll probably have to marry me.

I mean the mist and this

crazy weather. What is it?

Don't ask me. You know more

about what's going on than I do.

- Oh, but Bill...

- Oh, come on now, Jeannie.

You've been running around

that office for months,

trying to hide signs of the

elephants that passed.

I don't understand half

the things I hear anyway.

Such as? I'm no mastermind,

but such as?

Be fair. I'm not even supposed

to be talking to you.

So far, that's all you've done.

- Let's change the subject, shall we?

- To what?

- Pete Stenning.

- Too dull.

- What happened, Pete?

- What, "What happened"?

They say you used to be a writer.

Look, let's just put that subject on the

same list as the weather, shall we?

Well, that leaves us with

nothing to talk about.

Do we have to talk?

- No, but seriously...

- I'm not unserious, Jeannie.

- Your bath's getting cold.

- Look, Jeannie.

I don't wanna make love to you.

I don't wanna hold you or kiss you,

because you don't appeal

to me one little bit.

But please fight for me, Jeannie.

Do you think it will

last a long time?

- The fog?

- Us.

Why do women worry about

the end right at the beginning.

- I'm not women.

- I mean...

- I know what you mean.

- So move over, then.

Even though ye hide

in the secret places of the Earth,

ye shall be found out

for the last judgement.

Come with me. Repent!

Morning, Sarge. Anyone in yet?

A few. Most of the night duty

staff have only just left.

Cost a fortune in overtime, it will.

Well, there you are, boy.

Just relax and get rich.

Oh, the lift's out of order. When the

power failed, it blew a fuse or something.

I'm liable to do the

same in this heat.

- Another cyclone, in Greece.

- Another one, or the same one?

Casualties aren't quite so high.

Boy! Greece, Italy, France and us.

We're still along the

old man's same line.

- Mr Maguire, ask him to follow it through.

- Yes, sir.

Jacko says will you follow

this through, Mr Maguire?

- Thank you. Did he send any Benzedrine?

- Benzedrine?

Skip it. Get me a

cold drink, will you?

If I'm asleep when

you fetch it, nudge me.

- Yes, sir.

- I can't hear you.

If Le Bourget is out, try one

of the private flying clubs.

Or get them by road to Brussels.

We've got to have those pictures.

Yes, they'll get a credit.

No, I don't want the small roads,

just the main highway diversions.

Paris Match has got pictures

as it crossed the Seine.

- When do we get them?

- A couple of hours, with luck.

It almost wrecked Le Bourget.

The other airports are jammed.

We'll need a photo news extra.

I hope nobody kicks about the price.

Photo news. Bill, there's an

extra page going out.

Hi, Jacko. Like the

old Blitz days, isn't it?

Where the hell were

you all yesterday?

You may remember there

was a mist that covered...

You may remember that

was in the afternoon.

I wasn't drunk, and I wasn't drinking,

if that's what you're suggesting.

I'm suggesting wherever you were

you'd have been of more use here.

It so happens, I made a new contact

at the Met Centre yesterday...

- Anything usable?

- Not yet.

Anyway, Bill Maguire knew

where to reach me all day.

Unfortunately Bill Maguire

doesn't pay you, Peter.

No, sir.

Hello, Mr Stenning.

What about that cyclone?

- First one ever in Europe. Did you know that?

- I do now. Thank you.

They had a whirlwind in Greece, too.

Give me that, or you'll have

one right up your backside.

- It's not very cold. The fridge packed up.

- You've been here all night?

Oh, don't ask. I'm still recovering.

Any damage up your end?

A few windows broken.

It just skirted us.

Still. At least it

blew the mist away.

- Why don't you blow yourself?

- Oh, don't sort the kid out.

- The temperature's not his fault.

- Yes, it's not my fault.

- Oh, shut up!

- All right, all right.

Why does the whole world

have to drink this stuff?

I understand there was organised

chaos here last night.

The old man put the edition

forward one hour to beat the fog.

Comes the cyclone, a complete

change-up with only half-staff.

Oh, it's bloody hot.

98 degrees on the Air Ministry roof.

Think of all those WAAFs stripped

to the fuselage. What's this?

Library clips. Cyclones, typhoons,

hurricanes. It's all there.

West Pacific, northern Australia,

Madagascar, Bay of Bengal.

List the figures for me, will you?

Rate of advance, acceleration and casualties.

Why don't I just do 500 steaming words

on how mankind is so full of wind

- it's about to out-blow nature.

- Yeah, fine. But after you've done my figures.

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