The Day the Earth Caught Fire Page #6

---

Hold on. News desk.

Yes, sir, I'll bring them in.

Yeah, I've got that.

Madrid, Lisbon, New York, clear.

Right? Check back in an hour.

News conference, now.

The gaffer says you too.

Yeah, I know, he wants a 50-word

by-line from the Almighty.

Hate to think what the roads back from

the coast are gonna be like tonight.

I know what I'm gonna be like. I promised

myself a night of booze and orgy for years.

Where's this great

exhibition gonna take place?

I shall grope my way over to Harry's.

And who's the orgy

going to be with? May?

If you can keep Harry busy.

Now, get me Professor Jacovski,

US Weather Bureau, Washington DC.

And I don't want his assistant,

his secretary or his wife.

Make it person-to-person.

Well, boys, this is going

to be a night of nights.

If we're gonna catch the trains,

we'll have to go to press

at least an hour earlier.

- Can't be done.

- It's got to be done.

We've got to play this mist,

and we've got to play it big.

I want to give it

saturation coverage.

I want a recap on the rain,

the heat wave, the eclipse.

I want a comparison of the

statistics and weather charts

going right back to the first

meteorological reports in 1854.

You can go back as far

as Galileo, if you like.

I want to know if anything

like these conditions

has ever happened

in recorded history.

- What pictures have you got?

- We've got some shot from our roof.

That's no good. Let's have an aerial

panorama of London above the fog.

Aerial? In this place?

Well, get a helicopter.

It's only got to go up and down.

Send Benny to the heliport

now before the light goes.

Where is everybody? Most of

them are still trying to get back.

The night staff haven't

shown at all yet.

If it's a heat mist,

it can't last long.

"If" being the operative word.

We've all seen a heat mist that rises a

few feet above the ground in hot weather,

but this one's four storeys high.

And in two hours it's virtually

paralysed a third of the globe.

Look, France, Italy,

here and even India.

What sort of treatment, Jeff?

Do we still link the bombs?

We do, and we go on linking them until

someone up top proves how we're wrong.

- I want something from you on this, Bill.

- Yes, I was afraid of that.

- Any angles?

- Oh, a couple.

This mist could be caused by

an unusual amount of condensation

from the unusual heat

following all that rain.

- Alternatively...

- Alternatively what?

Well, this is just a personal guess.

I wouldn't dare to put it into print.

Let me decide what goes

into print. You just give.

Could be caused by a mass

of extremely cold water

- penetrating into the warmer currents.

- What's that mean?

An unusual amount of

melting ice at both poles.

Surely that would also mean floods.

They've already had them in

Australia and New Zealand.

Are you telling me that the heat

of the bombs melted the ice caps?

No, sir. That wouldn't melt enough

ice to flood the Isle of Wight.

But if they did go off together...

Supposing the combined

thrust of the explosions

shifted the tilt of the Earth.

Oh, come on, Bill.

That would alter the climatic regions,

a complete change in the world's weather.

A new ice age for some,

new tropics, a new Equator.

I don't know what else,

it's all guesswork.

It's all science fiction.

So were rockets to the moon

and manned satellites.

We're gonna have to move, sir.

Yes? Right? Miss Evans?

All right, move and hit hard.

Bill, write your story. I'm not

sold on it, but I'll print it.

It might force something big.

Professor Jakovski.

Just a minute, please. Hold on.

We'll try it on him. Any quotes,

you will get them.

Professor Jakovski?

This is the Daily Express, London.

You're not getting any fancy flying.

The deal is straight up, straight down.

Don't think this is my favourite

assignment, 'cause it isn't.

Now we're up, what about

a look at London airport?

Some things just aren't possible.

My orders are, everything's possible,

even the Indian rope trick.

You may need that to get down.

May I have your attention, please.

All flight departures have

been delayed for another hour.

Travel information may be obtained from

the information desk opposite channel 7.

London approach.

Speedbird 352 leaving Watford.

Roger, 352.

Descend to 2,000 feet on

your present heading.

2,000 feet. Roger.

Sorry, KLM 603. Have to return you.

Priority transatlantic only.

KLM 603. What is the

Amsterdam weather?

Hello, 603.

Visibility, 50 yards in fog.

Speedbird 352 intercepting

the ILS beam at 2,000 feet.

Roger, 352. The runway

visibility now is 80 yards.

Oh, no.

Okay, Colonel,

let down the drawbridge.

You been to Fleet

Street already, sir?

I've been on a hike where all streets

turn left and all roads lead to home.

Fortunately, I found this in a

sand dune just past Benghazi.

It's getting hotter, too. 91 degrees.

It's gonna be quite a summer.

Well, let us share a toast, Colonel.

I give you this battered and benumbed

world of sweaty moles and radio static.

- You can have it.

- Oh, thanks very much, sir.

We interrupt this programme to bring

you further Air Ministry bulletin.

The freak mist which has hit the British

isles is likely to increase in density

for the next few hours.

And the best of British luck.

The police have asked the public

to keep the roads clear

for essential transport

and avoid traffic congestion by arranging,

where possible, to stay where they are.

I think our British police are wonderful.

Where's the house phone?

Over there, sir.

We return you now to

late night dance music.

- Hello?

- Guess who.

Clever girl. Were you asleep?

No, I was just washing my hair.

Did you make it all right?

I certainly did, I'm back downstairs.

Well, it's a two-hour story.

You listening to the radio?

Did you hear that bulletin?

So, are you pro-police

or anti-police?

Yes. Yes, I'm still with you.

I was just trying to work

out all the permutations.

There's only two of them.

You can send me out into the cold, cold snow

and let me get lost with the rest of the kids,

or you can utter two one-syllable words

and become a law-abiding citizen.

Can you be one, too?

Well, since this thing seems to

be bigger than both of us...

- I'm beginning to think you arranged this.

- But of course.

You look cute, sort of boyish.

I am. Well, just remember,

you're normal.

Yes.

Well, this is all very sweet and spontaneous.

I don't mind sleeping on the couch.

Haven't got a couch.

Oh, in that case, I'll cuddle up on

the floor at the bottom of your bed

like a faithful Saint Bernard.

Oh no, you won't.

Can't we just have a flaming

fog flare between us?

Won't be necessary. If you're

staying, you're sleeping in here.

I've got a feeling you've

been through all this before.

- I have not.

- You mean, I'm the first man

you've managed to trap

up here for the night?

It's perfectly comfortable with

a pillow and a couple of sheets.

Excuse me.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes