The Deer Hunter Page #6

ALBERT:

Yeah.

JOHN:

F***ing women, man...

ALBERT:

(shakes his head)

I know...

INT. CADILLAC NIGHT

NICK'S head is sunk below the upper rim of the steering

wheel. One eye is entirely shut and the open one seems close

to death. Suddenly his head snaps up. He slams his foot down

on the brake and the Cadillac fishtails, rubber screaming, to

a jolting stop.

EVERYONE in the car comes awake ten bleary eyes staring out

through the windshield.

There are deer in the road, fifteen or twenty of them

standing in the headlights.

EXT. CADILLAC - NIGHT

VINCE, ALBERT, NICK and JOHN pile out with their rifles.

VINCE immediately slips and falls down.

VINCE:

Get 'em! For Christ sake, get 'em!

JOHN:

Who's got the ammo?

ALBERT:

Ammo! Get the ammo!

VINCE:

I'll get it! Where is it?

JOHN:

It's in the trunk!... It's in the

trunk! I'm telling you, it's in the

trunk!

VINCE, ALBERT and JOHN rush around to the trunk. ALBERT

begins pounding on it.

VINCE:

There, Albert! Hit it there!

Pushing and shoving each other, VINCE, ALBERT and JOHN rush

around to the side of the car. As they pass along the

embankment at the side of the road there is a soft sound,

like a sigh, and all three of them simultaneously vanish.

NICK, who has been watching, stares at the place where his

three friends disappeared. He takes a few steps forward,

realizes what has happened and doubles up in the middle of

the road, helpless with laughter.

VINCE (CONT'D)

(getting out of the car)

Man, let's go hunting!... Where are

they?

NICK makes a gesture, a downward pointing of his finger.

VINCE crosses to the side of the road.

EXT. RAVINE - NIGHT

The slope is a good 45 plus. At the bottom, barely visible,

three tiny figures flop in the snow.

EXT. CADILLAC - NIGHT

VINCE looks down at the three hunters with an expression of

absolute disgust. He looks at NICK -- flat on his back,

pounding his feet, howling -- and then he looks at the deer.

The deer are still watching. If anything they have edged

closer and their massed expression of polite curiosity throws

VINCE into a blind rage.

VINCE:

Get out of here, damn you! Go

home!... Scat!... Shoo!

VINCE, whose rifle is fully loaded, slams a shell into the

chamber and lets off a barrage of shots above the deer.

VINCE (CONT'D)

Bastards! A**holes! Get lost!

EXT. MOUNTAIN PASS - DAWN

The sky is cold -- first light -- with low, wind-driven

clouds. CAMERA TILTS DOWN and we see NICK's Cadillac coming

up a narrow road flanked by precipitous, heavily forested

ridges on both sides.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAWN

The Cadillac seems minuscule, overwhelmed by the massive,

black slopes looming up from the road.

INT. CADILLAC - DAWN

Everyone is eating cold hot dogs, ripping them out of a half

dozen plastic packages, dipping them in a jar of mustard and

stuffing them down. Hot dog juice has dripped over

everything, potato chips are littered everywhere and both

beer and milk are being passed around.

ALBERT:

Fuel up. Need fuel.

JOHN:

Those are mine!

ALBERT:

You want 'em?

JOHN:

Damn right!

ALBERT:

Gimme a Hostess Twinkie, Merle.

MERLE:

Here's a Hershey.

ALBERT tears off the wrapper, dips it in the mustard and

glomps it down.

JOHN:

That's mustard!

ALBERT:

(mouth jammed full)

What?

JOHN:

You just put mustard on your

Hershey bar.

ALBERT:

(nods)

Good... Pass the beer.

VINCE:

(pointing to a location

beside the road)

Here, here! This is it!

MERLE:

(milk slopping over him)

Watch it, shithead!

VINCE:

(pounds Nick on the

shoulder)

Here! This is it!

ALBERT:

It is not!

VINCE:

It is too! Now you passed it!

MERLE:

It's ahead, by the tree.

NICK:

It's ahead, Vince.

VINCE:

That isn't it! There's no way

that's it... Unless they changed

it. They might have changed it.

NICK pulls to a stop on the shoulder.

VINCE (CONT'D)

They changed it. That's what they

did. This is it but they changed

it.

EXT. ROADSIDE AREA - DAWN

The sky is just turning grey. A cold wind is blowing, moaning

in the trees and swirling a fine haze of snow across the open

roadway. The guys all pile out in their wrecked tuxedos.

VINCE:

This is it. Definitely. This is it,

but they changed it.

ALBERT:

You're full of sh*t.

VINCE:

Who's full of sh*t?

ALBERT:

You're full of sh*t!

VINCE:

I'm telling you, they changed it!

ALBERT:

They did not!

VINCE:

They did too!

ALBERT:

Jesus, it's freezing!

NICK, MERLE and JOHN have the trunk open and are taking stuff

out. MERLE strips down where he stands and begins putting on

his hunting clothes. ALBERT and VINCE grab their things and

follow the example of NICK and JOHN, who are changing on the

corner of the seats.

NICK:

Whee-uu!

ALBERT:

Jesus!

JOHN:

Holy sh*t!

VINCE:

Merle, hey Merle, you got any

socks?

MERLE, who is crouched down studying the hillside, looks

over.

VINCE (CONT'D)

(rummaging around in the

mess of things he has

brought)

Never mind, Merle. Never mind, I

got 'em... Where the hell are my

pants? Anyone see my pants?... Who

the hell took my pants!

VINCE begins plunging around.

OTHERS:

Fuckhead! Watch it!

VINCE:

Somebody took my pants... I know I

brought pants.

VINCE tears into another pile of equipment, comes up with

nothing and steps out of the car.

VINCE (CONT'D)

All right. All right, you guys.

Whoever took my pants, I want 'em

back!

EXT. ROADSIDE AREA - DAWN - LATER

Shots are ringing out in the hills. NICK, ALBERT and JOHN

stand by the roadside while VINCE and MERLE glare at each

other. VINCE is still in his tuxedo pants, is still wearing

his dress shoes and is draped in a gigantic red goose down

vest that could only have come from ALBERT. MERLE's knapsack

lies on the ground in front of him and we can see that it

contains a pair of Vibram-soled mountain boots.

MERLE:

Sure I got boots. I got boots right

here.

VINCE:

Then lemme have 'em.

MERLE:

No.

VINCE:

(both hands in the air)

No!!!?

MERLE:

No.

VINCE:

What do you mean, no???

MERLE:

That's it. No. No way.

VINCE:

Some f***in' friend... You're some

f***in' friend, Merle!

MERLE:

You gotta learn, Vince! You come

out here... You got no jacket, you

got no pants, you got no knife and

you got no boots. You think

everyone's gonna take care of you!

That's what you always think, but

this time you're wrong. This time

you're on your own!

ALBERT:

Merle, give him the boots.

MERLE:

No. No boots. No nothin'.

VINCE:

You're one f***in' bastard, Merle.

You know that? You're one f***ing

bastard!

MERLE:

(snapping it out, jabbing

his finger at the ground)

This is this, Vince. This isn't

something else. This is this!

VINCE:

You know what I think? There's

times I think you're a goddamn

f*ggot!... I fixed you up a million

times, Merle!

(to the others)

I fixed him up a million times! I

don't know how many times I fixed

him up... and nothin' ever

happens... Zilch! Zero!... The

trouble with you, Merle, no one

knows what you're talking about!

"This is this"? What does that

mean, "this is this"? I mean is

that some f*ggot bullshit, or is

that some f*ggot bullshit!!! And if

it isn't, what the hell is it???

JOHN:

Vince. Hey, you guys --

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