The Dick & Paula Celebrity Special Page #10

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But you used to do something else?

Yes, I was a teacher.

I see...

the name Beowulf.

Oh my God!

Chaucer! I

taught Chaucer.

- Like some tea? Mint tea?

- I would love a drink.

I got a drink for you.

No problem.

So you like television better?

It's interesting to see who we

choose as our celebrities, and why.

What makes them tick.

You learn a lot about a society

by who it celebrates.

- Is this good?

- Yes, please.

Like, we did this show

on Sunny Von Bulow...

and she's a coma patient.

She lies there in a coma...

but she's a celebrity.

You were up there with

her. What happened?

She was okay. A little nervous.

Listen, I've got

bad news.

Here he is.

The wedding's off, so

why don't you all go home?

Thank you.

It's not gonna happen, Iris.

Just go home. Make sure

Mom gets there.

Are you all right?

Is she hurt?

No, nothing like that. Just go on.

- Thanks.

- I'll be home.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

It's all right. Just...

I'm here to help you.

Whatever.

You need a change

in your life.

You must reevaluate the

plans you were contemplating.

- I see you change your direction.

- I had planned to get married.

Perhaps it needs more scrutiny

before you decide.

Really?

- When was the wedding?

- Today.

I left him at the church with

his family and friends.

My God! What have

I done? I don't know!

If you're not sure you love him,

it's a mistake to go forward.

- I am sure. He's wonderful.

- So then I don't understand.

I feel guilty because I've

had such good luck.

Everyone I know has

so many problems.

They're lonely, needy. I

have this guy fall in my lap.

I still don't get it.

His name's Tony, and

I said, "You're terrific!"

"When will the other shoe drop?"

Some bad part of him that'll ruin things.

But there is no bad part.

- Well, you provided that.

- Me?

He's a wonderful guy, but

you screwed things up.

Why?

You said it yourself.

It's guilt.

You don't need a fortune

teller. You need a shrink.

- Me?

- You meet this wonderful guy, okay?

You can't believe something so wonderful

can happen to you.

So you ruin it.

I did a horrible thing.

He'll never forgive me.

Who could blame him?

You want your $10 of

psychic prediction?

He's going to forgive you.

Obviously, he's crazy about you.

Just because you've acted like a

horse's ass doesn't mean he will.

So you tell him

everything you told me...

and then...

you give him a big kiss.

We can be seen...

or don't you care?

I don't.

I care about you.

Perfect.

Emotionally it's exactly

where you should be.

I don't feel I'm there at all.

Trust it. We'll come

back to it tomorrow.

We'll stop now and

continue from here tomorrow.

I feel I know where she's coming

from, but she's contradictory.

Contradiction is good. Just don't

contradict yourself when you act.

Play one thing

at a time and trust it.

You have a hold on it.

Just don't look in the mirror.

Both of you.

Don't overplay the lust.

I know. She's a carnivore.

- Wanna have a drink?

- Yeah, love to.

We'll talk.

I just caught the ending.

Seems like a terrific scene.

It's great work.

- You didn't say you were coming.

- I was in the neighbourhood.

Thought I'd stop by to pick you up.

You know Greg.

- How you doing?

- Good to see you again.

- Going to Moran's round the corner.

- Do you wanna have that drink?

- I thought we'd walk home together.

- I want to talk to Greg.

- Thought you might want to walk.

- You know I'm in rehearsal!

I knew you'd be through by 5,

so what's the big deal?

I'm going to the bar, but

we can talk tomorrow.

- Don't crowd me! It's annoying.

- I'm not!

I came to pick you up.

Thought you'd be glad to see me.

- Things come up!

- Something's very wrong.

I stop by and it puts

you in a bad mood.

- It's because you don't trust me.

- Should I?

- Suspicious, that's your problem.

- You wanna sleep with the director.

- I'm not in the mood to argue.

- You said you loved me!

Why do you want me if

you don't trust me?

How can I? I turn my back

and you're off with someone.

I already told you, I

don't want to be closed in.

- So why are you living with me?

- I'm not! I've got an apartment.

- I just stay over most nights.

- I don't want to crowd you.

Let me get a drink and

go talk about the play.

"F*** off so I can f*** the

director." I understand.

I am who I am. I told

you that when we met.

I always hope it'll be

different, but it never is.

You love me and you'll be hurt

if I give up on you.

So think about this.

Just go home.

We'll just enjoy the

time we have together...

and not complicate everything.

Everything doesn't

have to be questioned.

You're still saying, "Get lost

so I can sleep with the director."

Anyone would think I was

the whore of TriBeCa.

So would you be happy if I said

goodbye and never saw you again?

That wouldn't make me happy.

We haven't made love

in weeks. What is that?

Why do you want me, when I

just lie there like a dead fish?

But you didn't used to.

What happened?

Nothing.

It's me, okay.

It's me. Let's just stay in tonight

and not over-analyse everything?

What is it with the pills?

- Diet pills.

- Oh, please!

I give up.

So what do you want for dinner?

What should I buy?

Spaghetti.

I was going to ask

you to marry me.

No, penne...

with marinara.

Lee, right?

Phil Datloff. Bonnie brought

you to a party at my apartment.

Sure I remember you. You were very

kind. I passed out on your carpet.

- That I remember.

- That's right.

What happened to the book

you were toying with?

It just kind of...

floated away.

I thought about it the other day.

A culture that took a wrong

turn somewhere.

A flawed individual who

can't find himself.

That was my book.

Because V.J. Rajnipal,

a great writer...

just gave us a manuscript

on the same subject.

Really, the same subject?

A society where every single

member is famous.

There are no uncelebrated people.

Very satirical.

I'd like to have seen your

take on the same subject.

He's a great artist.

I could never...

- How's Bonnie?

- Fine. Great girl.

I think she sold

a screenplay.

We're at the star-spangled

premire of "The Liquidator".

Unfortunately for the beautiful

people, the weather hasn't held up.

But the show must go on.

Here's producer, Dalton Freed.

- Can you believe the weather?

- Unbelievable. How you doing?

Could be better.

Hasn't kept people away.

Is this your wife?

This is a young actress you'll

be hearing a lot about.

My wife, you know,

she's in rehab.

I've read the reviews.

Very interesting!

- I never read reviews.

- And your next project?

"Birth of a Nation", an

all-black version.

Can't wait.

Oh my gosh, Erno DeLucca,

who did Nicole Olivier's wigs!

I also did her werewolf makeup.

- Werewolf?

- Yes, twice.

- Good job. Nice to see you.

- Thank you.

There'll be lots of big celebrities

tonight. I'll keep my eyes peeled.

Here's the director. How are you?

What a night!

Incredible, like a typhoon. Are

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