The Dick & Paula Celebrity Special Page #9

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the world, and I am.

I'll try and be honest in

my own stupid way.

I met someone else, Bonnie.

You what?

Listen, I met someone else.

I met someone else. I don't

know how else to say it.

- How could you?

- You have every right to hate me.

- I just moved in yesterday.

- I'm just so screwed up.

I wish I could put

it another way, but...

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

- Moving in together...

- Yeah, it was your idea!

I know, and if I could explain it...

So when did you meet

this "someone else"?

- That's not important...

- No, it is!

I have rearranged my goddam life!

I know you did. And

this is so difficult to...

- You said you loved me!

- I said I thought I did.

And believe me, I wanted to.

- You're a wonderful person.

- Know what?

- You're a sick son of a b*tch.

- You're right.

- That goes downstairs.

- Get the f*** out, please? Thanks.

Listen, I accept

full responsibility.

I'm a total a**hole.

Yeah, you're a total a**hole!

But I thought if I was honest

and brought it up openly...

that we could understand

that at least...

I truly do not mean

you any harm.

I know how you

feel and I feel so bad.

But if we just

accept me as sick...

and try to, I know it's

hard, remain rational...

then we can do this with

the minimum of disruption.

Naturally, you can store your

stuff here for a while and...

You're f***ing psychotic!

Bonnie, this is hard and I

just don't know. I'm so...

Ah, boy!

What are you doing with my novel?

Now, that's an only copy!

Hey, buddy!

Did you see a woman come

out of here with a manuscript?

I saw a girl come out the door.

Where'd she go?

Tall girl?

Ran across the street.

In 5...

4...

3...

Now "Manhattan Moods"

goes live to our feature...

"Luncheon at Le Bijou."

Hi, I'm Robin Simon.

Welcome to Le Bijou...

New York's most

exciting restaurant...

where every day is a

potpourri of the city's...

most rich and

famous residents.

I'm sitting here

talking to Evelyn Isaacs...

Manhattan's most exclusive

real estate broker.

The woman who has situated...

- Is that correct?

- I like it.

The cream of the city's

most luminous residents.

You were saying you couldn't

get rock star Ennis Taylor...

into the apartment

he wanted.

The tenants didn't want the press

and groupies hanging around.

Must've been leery of wild parties.

Yes, but Ennis is not what

you'd think from his band.

He's not violent or destructive,

he's intellectual and sweet.

But the board of the co-op

had a problem with his snakes.

They had a problem with

the boa constrictor.

Any other big name turndowns?

No, but I got a beautiful triplex

for the Charles Aranows,

12 rooms on Park Avenue, and they

made one into a Hamptons room.

Tons of sand from Amagansett

to cover the floor. It's fun!

Well, thank you. I see.

It's time to table-hop...

so we can meet some of

the other exciting patrons...

who lunch typically at

Le Bijou.

Look who's here. Senator Bob

Paley! How are you?

We're here for the celebrity

golf tournament.

I play every year and

it's a good cause...

earning money for

the Heart Foundation.

They say I'll be paired

with Greg Norman.

Wonderful!

Any comments about

the recent allegations?

I think when the facts are in, the

Justice Department will find...

I made an error of judgement,

without real intent of treason.

Moving right along...

I see Dee Bartholemew,

"Empress of Gossip".

Robin, hi. So rainy out today.

Just this gloomy weather.

But I love your pin.

Is that Georgian?

Thank you. No,

it's Art Nouveau.

Where'd you get it?

My first husband gave me it for

our 15th wedding anniversary.

When you say "first", do

I sense a second on the way?

I ran into Tony Gardella

at the Caf Carlyle.

He had a blissed-out look,

like he was in heaven.

How'd you manage to put

that smile on his face?

Using my head.

Any choice items

for our viewers?

Very prominent

actress/singer...

has become pregnant on

visiting Buckingham Palace.

No names, please.

Well, thank you.

Look who's here!

Donald Trump.

What are you working on?

I'm working on buying

St Patrick's Cathedral...

doing a little rip-down job...

and putting up a tall,

beautiful building.

That's wonderful!

- You were great!

- Terrible!

You said you couldn't do it.

And I said, "Yes, you can."

No actress-turned-

interviewer...

- could do it as real as you did.

- I was a jerk.

You're not a jerk.

You were real!

No-one cares if it's unpolished.

They find it appealing.

It's your 15 minutes of fame.

I never believed what

Andy Warhol said...

that we're all famous for 15

minutes. Nice, but it's not true.

Almost nobody will ever be

famous for even one minute.

So enjoy it!

How did I swing this?

Last year I was teaching English,

performing a serious function.

And suddenly, through a

whirlwind series of events...

I become the sort of woman I've

always hated. But I'm happier.

You nervous

about Saturday?

Are you?

I'm counting the seconds.

My hands are sweating.

I never sweat.

- Got the ring?

- What am I, a schmuck? Sure!

Sophisticated. Very

educated. She sure is!

Oh, picture!

I like this girl.

I think she's terrific.

It's ironic.

You go to get face work...

and you meet a wonderful

guy who changes your life.

Better than face work.

- Think this looks okay?

- You look perfect.

I expected a bigger turnout.

Ma, they wanted to keep it small.

Isn't that...?

Al Swayze, a

friend of Tony's.

- Yeah, he...

- Does the weather.

Right, he does the weather

on channel...

Hello, how'd you do?

Congratulations.

Thank you. My daughter, Iris.

So glad to meet you.

We enjoy your program.

Really? Nice to meet you too.

We watch you

give the weather.

You're usually wrong.

Occupational hazard, y'know?

But you're cheerful.

You're all so cheerful.

I can't find her.

Did you see her?

Did I...?

- What happened?

- She's not in the bathroom.

- You were with her.

- I don't know what happened to her.

Frankie, come on.

Relax.

How can I relax?

She's gotta be here.

- What's going on?

- It's all right, Ma. Nothing.

I'm sure it'll all turn out okay.

She walked out,

alone. 15, 20 minutes ago.

- Where'd she go?

- I didn't see.

- You sure she was alone?

- Absolutely.

Frankie, go up and stall them.

I'm gonna look around.

- Where?

- I don't know!

You're out of your mind.

What'll I tell your parents?

- Everything's fine.

- I hope she's all right.

- What's going on?

- She's nervous, Ma.

She needs time

to fix her makeup.

Should I go help her?

- Tony's all right?

- Please don't go help her.

She'll come out.

Iris, just leave her alone.

She's gathering herself.

Olga PS YCHIC READER

AND ADVISER:

Want a reading?

Come on inside.

- I'll give you a nice reading.

- No, I'm just walking.

You look like you need a reading.

- Really?

- Come inside.

- Come on in.

- I don't believe in psychics.

You don't have to

for a reading.

So what do you do?

I work in television.

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