The Distinguished Gentleman Page #13

what about putting limits on

malpractice awards?

TOMMY:

You tell me.

O'CONNOR

Well, if you're for 'em, I got

money from the doctors and

insurance companies. If you're

against 'em, I got money from the

trial lawyers. Tell you what,

let's say against. Now how about

pizza?

TOMMY:

(indicating his plate)

I'll stick with the salad.

O'CONNOR

Not for lunch, shmuck, for PAC

money. A lot of the frozen

pizzas use phony cheese. There's

a law pending requiring them to

disclose it on their labels.

Where do you stand?

Tommy thinks it through.

TOMMY:

If I vote for the labels...then I

get money from the dairy industry...

(CONTINUED)

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92 63.

94 CONTINUED:
(2) 94

O'CONNOR

Good...

TOMMY:

And if I vote against the labels,

I get money from the frozen food

guys.

O'CONNOR

Excellent! And don't forget the

ranchers, because they get hurt

if pepperoni sales go down!

TOMMY:

(laughing in

admiration)

A pepperoni lobby. I love this

town.

O'CONNOR

So which is it?

TOMMY:

F*** the cheese people. Thanks to

them my office smelled like smelt

for a week.

O'CONNOR

All right. For.

TOMMY:

So Tommy, tell me -- with all this

money on every side, how does

anything get done?

O'CONNOR

It doesn't! That's the genius of

the system!

95 INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY 95

A briefing in progress. Flip charts, ring binders, Celia,

Ira, a couple of other Pro Bono types. Tommy is rivetedby Celia.

CELIA:

It comes down to a question of

what is acceptable risk. Are we

willing to feed our kids a

substance that causes cancer in

lab rats? More important, who

gets to make the decision?

Bureaucrats and big corporations,

or the people whose lives depend

on it?

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92 64.

96 INT. TOMMY'S BOILER ROOM - DAY 96

Tommy's staff shares one small office. Everyone's on thephone.

VAN DYKE:

Mr. Willie? Congressman Johnson is

calling. Can you take his call?

Thank you. Please hold.

Van Dyke puts him on hold, counts to three, gets back onthe line.

VAN DYKE:

I'm sorry, Mr. Willie, he just

picked up another call. Listen, I

know why he was calling -- he

hasn't heard from you about his

fundraiser...

PAN TO Armando.

ARMANDO:

... That's right, Mr. Brown, on

the thirtieth... A thousand a

couple...A whole table? He'll be

so happy to hear it. Thank you so

much.

(calling)

Loretta! Put down nuclear power

for ten g's.

PAN TO Loretta, who chalks the figure onto a toteboard.

LORETTA:

Cool.

(into phone)

Mr. Newburg? It's Miss Loretta,

from Congressman Johnson's office,

how you doin'?

On Loretta's bulletin board is a map of the United States,

with flags, pushpins, and air travel routes.

LORETTA:

Say, the congressman's going to be

out your way next week... Palm

Springs, the Bob Hope Classic -

yes, a celebrity player. As long

as he's on the coast, we were

wondering whether you aerospace

people might want to lay on a lunch

so you can hear his views... Uh-huh

... Uh-huh... Lovely. Now what kind

of contribution to his foundation

you folks thinking about?

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92 65.

97 INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY 97

Celia continues her briefing.

CELIA:

...And in the 1988 study, it wasup to eight per hundred-thousand.

Um...am I losing you on thesemortality rates?

TOMMY:

No, I was just wondering how muchof this is a statutory problem,

and how much is a regulatory one?

I mean, didn't the Merton Act

cover most of this?

CELIA:

(surprised)

Hmmm, that's an excellent point.

Let me see something...

As she starts rummaging in her briefcase, we TRACK AROUNDto a COMPUTER SCREEN on Tommy's desk -- it displays THEEXACT WORDS HE'S JUST SPOKEN.

CELIA:

Wow...you're right. Maybe we can

get them to amend Merton-Simmons.

RACK FOCUS...reveals REINHARDT in b.g., sitting atanother computer terminal. He is typing in Tommy'sresponses, which appear on Tommy's screen.

TOMMY:

Well, for Merton to apply you haveto show high contagion...sounds tome like your contagion rates areno higher than the common clod.

In b.g., Reinhardt DIVES FORWARD to his keyboard andbegins correcting his typo. Celia looks puzzled.

TOMMY:

Common cold.

(beat)

Must have picked up a littledyslexia over the weekend.

CELIA:

I see. Well, I must say I'm prettyimpressed.

TOMMY:

You're also impressively pretty.

(CONTINUED)

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92 66.

97 CONTINUED:
97

Celia is startled. Tommy is embarrassed...the dumbcompliment he's just spoken was one Reinhardt typed onthe computer screen.

CELIA:

Oh come on...

TOMMY:

You're right. Sorry. Excuse me a

second.

(calls out)

Arthur?

Without explanation, he THROWS HIS PENCIL hard out offrame.

REINHARDT (O.S.)

Ow!

98 EXT. GULF STREAM JET - AIRBORNE - DAY 98

A jet flies through the sky.

99 INT. GULF STREAM JET - DAY 99

Tommy and handful of other Members listen to their GUNLOBBYIST host.

GUN LOBBYIST:

Frankly, we think the semi-automatic

has gotten a bad rap. That's why

the American Sporting Gun Users PAC

put together this trip.

ON TOMMY AND DODGE enjoying champagne and hors d'oeuvres.

100 EXT. DUCK BLIND - DAY 100

Tommy, wearing full L.L. Bean drag, wading with the otherMembers.

Someone blows a shrieking DUCK CALL. A flock takes flight.

Everyone in the group raises their weapons: AK-47s. A

burst of GUNFIRE. Rambo time.

We SEE the flock still flying.

One duck drops at the feet of the hunters.

TOMMY:

Must have had a heart attack.

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92 67.

101A EXT. GOLF COURSE - FIRST TEE - DAY 101A

A LARGE SIGN READS:

SCRAP IRON INSTITUTE CELEBRITY PRO-AM.

Tommy tees off. He is wearing a veritable pro shop ofcustom golf gear, all emblazoned with logos of corporatesponsors and lobbies. He hits the ball about 200

yards...but more or less perpendicular to the hole.

REVEAL BOB HOPE standing nearby, watching.

BOB HOPE:

I knew all these congressmen geta slice, but I didn't know it was

that big.

101 INT. JET - DAY 101

Tommy on the phone.

TOMMY:

Did you miss me?

102 INT. PRO BONO OFFICES - DAY 102

Celia at her desk in the somewhat ratty Pro Bono offices.

CELIA:

Where did you go?

INTERCUT CELIA AND TOMMY

TOMMY:

Oh, a fact-finding mission, someissue conferences, a few speakingengagements, a charity event... theusual.

CELIA:

More like the Petroleum Institute

Ski Cup, the NRA Open, the -

TOMMY:

Hey. Have lunch with me tomorrow.

CELIA:

I can't -- we're having a pressconference.

TOMMY:

What is it -- the ozone layer? No

fault? Killer apples?

(CONTINUED)

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92 68.

102 CONTINUED:
102

CELIA:

(laughing)

Toy safety. Wait a minute.

Tomorrow's Friday. Aren't youback early?

TOMMY:

(beaming)

You remembered! That means youmissed me.

103 EXT. JEFFERSON MEMORIAL - NIGHT 103

Tommy and Celia walk over the bridge to the cherry treesby the Tidal Basin.

TOMMY:

So, how'd you end up hustling forPro Bono instead of pesticides? I

mean, you could have been a big-

time lawyer, right?

CELIA:

Oh, I was for a while.

depressed me.

It...

TOMMY:

At a hundred grand a year, howdepressed can you get? Doesn't

it depress you to lose all thetime?

CELIA:

Sometimes. Mostly it gets me

angry. And the anger keeps megoing. Sure, I wouldn't mind

winning a few. And it's not like

I'm allergic to money...

TOMMY:

So why do you do it?

She skips a stone on the water.

CELIA:

God, it's so embarrassing to comeout and say it.

Say it.

TOMMY:

CELIA:

Meaning. I need my life to meansomething.

(CONTINUED)

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