The Divorcee Page #3

Hey, let's do a little celebrating.

Sweetie, out in the refrigerator...

Well, you know.

- I got you.

- Make it snappy.

Helen, I'm so excited

about you getting married.

And me, too. I'm thrilled to death.

Oh, don't get excited, it's all right.

I'll take them right off.

My Italian blood, she is very excited.

I must sing, that's all. I've got to sing.

All right.

Hurry up, Jerry. Get the pennies.

Hurry up, get some more pennies.

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

Hey, what you do...

Ted.

Say, what the deuce did you horn in

on this party for?

I wanted to see the woman

that stood between us.

Do you realize that

this is my wedding anniversary?

It's not decent.

Why haven't I heard from you in a month?

- Conscience.

- You're not that old-fashioned, are you?

Now see here, Janice.

I was plastered, and you know it.

Oh, but you're not such a sterling

character when my arms are around you.

- Be true to me in Chicago?

- Cut it out, Janice. Cut it...

A little cramped for room, weren't you?

If I could think as fast as that

I might have stayed married.

Think of all the fun you'd have missed.

Ted, you have a train to catch.

- I hadn't forgotten, dear.

- Oh, really? Good.

And some guests who are only thirsty.

I'm going to dress.

Ah.

- That gal's real opposition.

- Well, you're not. Get that straight.

- Ted.

- Open that door.

- Now, Ted...

- I said open that door.

- Here we are, folks.

- The drought's broken.

Tell Jerry to hurry, will you, dear?

We haven't much time.

Yes, I'll tell her. She'll be out in a minute.

- Excuse me, Bill.

- Okay.

- You ready, Jerry?

- Just about.

You know, it's a darn shame I've got

to get on that train tonight, isn't it?

Yes, Janice and I will both miss you.

Oh, now see here, Jerry.

How do you like this little pose?

Don't you think it's rather fetching?

- Now, what are you driving at?

- Nothing.

Except that Janice seemed

to be rather enjoying herself

when I came into the kitchen just now.

Nonsense.

It was something in the way she looked

at you that made me want to kill her.

Am I right, Ted?

Am I right?

You know I won't lie to you.

Oh.

Jerry.

Then...

She has a right to look at you

any way she likes?

Now see here, Jerry.

I'm sorry, darling. Of course.

But there's no sense in over-playing it.

There's nothing to it.

Come on. Snap out of it.

It isn't the end of the world, darling.

Why gosh, I don't care a snap

of my fingers

for any woman in the world but you.

If I'd killed somebody, you'd go

all the way and back again for me.

I'd ask you to try and forgive me

if I thought it was the right thing to do.

But that isn't the point.

Darling, you've got to get

a broader look at things, that's all.

Well, you're out in the world

doing a man's work.

Was that just a lot of talk

about a man's point of view?

Please believe, me, darling.

It doesn't mean a thing.

Not a thing.

Doesn't make the slightest difference.

Come on, snap out of it.

Now, pull yourself together.

Yes, of course. We're...

We're celebrating

our third anniversary, aren't we?

All right, Ted, I won't spoil it.

We'll think another time.

That's fine.

And that, too.

We'll do that another time.

What could've happened to those kids?

Here, cut out the private farewells

and come on out here.

Don't you realize that

we have a lot of catching up to do?

Jerry's awfully upset, Don.

Yes, I know, about your going to Chicago.

Well, never mind. I'll cheer her up.

There's nothing I like better

than taking care of lonesome wives

who talk exclusively about their husbands.

Come, come.

A little cheer for the departing host.

Here you are.

Thank you. Here you are, Ted.

- Oh, thanks, old boy.

- Not at all.

Oh, sorry to have held up the party.

- Oh, hello.

- Oh, there you are.

Here you are, darling.

Thank you, Helen.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the bride and groom.

May they never be less happy

than they are at this moment.

Cheerio.

Skoal.

May we never be less happy

than we are at this moment.

Why, Jerry!

- What's the idea?

- What did you do that for?

Just an old Spanish custom.

- Come on, everybody, let's go.

- Get my coat, will you, dear?

Jerry!

I always did like saying goodbye

to husbands.

Well, I guess we'd better be off.

Well, that's all right. Here you are, Ted.

Here's your hat and coat.

Now, you're sure you have

everything packed?

You've got your pajamas, your toothbrush

and everything?

Everything set? Now, hurry up, come on.

Well, well, come on, hurry up, Jerry.

We've got to get some business.

Hurry up, hurry up. Make it quick.

Hurry up. That's it, baby.

- Oh, porter?

- Yes, sir.

Porter, how long do we stop

at the next station?

Long enough to telephone?

Yes, sir.

If you ain't gonna talk to nobody too far.

We're supposed to stop there

in about six minutes.

- I see. Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Same old plight I've always

had with keyholes.

You stick with me and I'll win this one.

I'm going to invent a key

for leaping keyholes.

- Thanks, Don.

- Don't mention it.

- Nice of you to bring me home.

- Oh, it's all right, it's all right.

Sorry to be such a nuisance

and drag you away.

- Smarty, smarty had a party.

- And everybody stayed but smarty, I know.

Yeah. Sure.

What's the matter with you, Jerry?

I'm just trying to hang onto the marvelous

latitude of a man's point of view.

But I find I can't do it

and rub elbows with Janice.

- What do you mean, Janice?

- Oh, don't stall, Don. I know all about it.

Ted told me tonight.

Oh.

And I suppose I'm the last one

to find it out.

Listen, how could any man

who ever held you in his arms

be serious about Janice?

I know, Don.

It doesn't mean a thing.

Ted told me that.

Not a thing.

Well, how could it?

You're too marvelous.

You're a wonderful girl, Jerry.

Thanks, Don.

But nevertheless,

I couldn't stand the party.

Oh, it doesn't mean a thing.

Janice? Not a thing.

That's funny. Very funny.

Let me in on the joke.

It doesn't mean a thing, not a thing.

What's the matter with me?

Jerry.

I'm sorry. You know, I can't understand it.

Oh, come on now. Pull yourself together.

Please, Don.

Oh, now, darling. It doesn't mean a thing.

Not a thing.

Now, now, now. There.

Hello? Hello? Can't you get it?

I know, but keep on trying,

will you, please?

This is very important.

I've only got a few minutes, you know.

There, there, there, don't you worry

your little head about Janice.

Janice, my hat!

Why, you're the grandest girl.

You got everything.

Most wonderful girl in the world.

Feel better now.

Thanks for being so sympathetic.

Been awfully sweet, Don.

I guess I'm all right now.

You'd better run along like a good fellow.

- Oh, somebody forgot something.

- What is it?

- What's that letter?

- Which one?

There's only one.

Looks like a "J" when it stops dancing.

"J" for Janice.

I wonder why she left that?

She took everything else.

Oh, I've got to get out of here.

I can't stand it. This place is haunted.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes