The Divorcee Page #4

Come on, Don.

Okay, where do you wanna go?

Oh, anywhere as long as it isn't here

and I'm not alone.

Okay by me.

I got plenty of places to go

and lots of things to do.

We'll go all the places

and do all the things.

Jerry?

Oh, Jerry?

Hello, Jerry.

Hello, Ted.

- You'll upset a perfectly good breakfast.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I...

- I brought you something.

- Oh, how lovely, Ted.

That's sweet of you.

Well, aren't you going to kiss me?

Well, I love you, so why not?

Where's Hannah?

Oh, she had to go to the dentist.

That tooth that's been bothering her

for the last eight years.

Oh, really? That's too bad.

Nice trip?

Oh, no, awful nuisance.

A lot of big dinners,

and bald heads and double chins.

You know, stupid.

Too bad.

Oh.

- Smells good.

- Oh, this is great, Jerry.

So, why didn't you answer the wires

I sent you?

Oh, there was a lot to think about.

And the longer you wait,

the more sense you get.

You know, letting things ride the way

you did certainly whipped me plenty.

Boy.

You know, I imagined all

sorts of receptions when I got home.

- This is great.

- You'll spill it.

Well, believe me, I've done all

the spilling I want to do.

Yes?

- Anything new?

- No.

Oh, Helen and Bill are going

to get married today.

Oh, really?

I suppose we'll have to go to that.

- I'm best man.

- Oh, yeah?

And after the wedding tonight,

there's going to be a jamboree.

- A get-together of all their friends.

- Thanks.

Oh, gosh.

I suppose we'll have to go to that, too.

Well, they'll expect us to.

You know, it was our blissful example

that made them do it.

Was there an overtone of sarcasm

in that remark, Jerry?

Or am I looking for trouble?

Hmm?

No, Ted. Your cheeriness is amazing.

Well, what do you mean?

You're like a little boy

that's stolen some jam,

been spanked, and kissed,

and is happy again.

You know, that's just the way I feel.

You know, Jerry, darling,

I was afraid of my life

we wouldn't hurdle this.

Gosh, you'll never know what

an awful week I've spent without you.

I can't live without you, Jerry.

I never knew how much I loved you.

Darling, please. Now, don't do that.

Well, for heaven's sake, Jerry,

you'll have to make up your mind,

you know, one way or the other.

Gosh, I thought you'd already done it.

Ted, let me understand something.

When you say that being unfaithful

doesn't mean anything,

you mean just that, don't you?

- Well, what I said was...

- Yes.

I remember what you said.

"It doesn't mean a thing. "

I wish I could cover up things

and forget them, Ted.

I'll answer that.

Hello.

- Hello, Jerry?

- Yes.

This is Don.

I've been trying to get in touch

with you ever since...

Well, for the last week.

I understand Ted's getting back

in town today.

I realize how you feel

and I sympathize with all your ideas

about truth, honesty and ethics.

I want you to give me your word

that you won't say anything to Ted.

- Will you do that?

- No.

For heaven's sake. Don't you realize

it will be all up with you if you tell Ted?

Perhaps.

Well, if you won't consider yourself,

will you consider me?

After all, I'm supposed to be

his best friend.

And...

Hello? Hello? Don't hang... Hello, Jerry?

Oh, Lawson?

Lawson?

- Yes, sir?

- Find out what boats are sailing today.

- Where to, sir?

- I don't care, the further the better.

Yes, sir.

What were you saying

when the telephone rang?

That I've balanced our accounts.

That's all.

I didn't really intend to,

but that's how it is.

I had to tell you.

Don't look at me like that, Ted.

- You don't mean that, Jerry.

- I'm telling you the truth.

- Who's the man?

- Oh, Ted, don't be conventional.

Who's the man?

I want to see him.

Isn't it a rather good time

to remember what you said?

- That it doesn't mean a thing?

- Shut up, you!

It can't be true.

Why, I always thought you were

the most decent thing in the world.

Can't be true.

Well,

it is.

I'm going to work, Ted. I'm late.

See you tonight.

Great party.

- Hello, Jerry.

- Hello, Hank.

- Ted back from Chicago?

- Yes.

Is he coming tonight?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him since the morning.

What's the idea?

Well, you're a full-fledged

married man now.

- You certainly have a fine girl, there.

- Sure.

I hope you'll be very happy.

We're bound to be, aren't we, darling?

Say, let me tell you something.

All you have to do

to get a free sandwich here,

- is to wish them health and happiness.

- This is a private party.

I understand all that.

- Hello, Ted.

- Helen.

- I told you they knew me.

- Yes, sir.

- Hello, Arkansas.

- How are you?

I'm sorry I'm late, Helen.

Husbands should never be late. No, sir.

You never know

who's sitting on the bench

waiting to take your place

when you fall out of the game.

Oh, don't be silly, Ted.

What made you so late?

Well, I...

- This little hand, you hand it over?

- Oh, pull yourself together, Ted.

"I weep for you," the walrus cried.

"I deeply sympathize. "

I bet you haven't had any dinner?

Dinner? No, I don't believe I have.

You better have some food, son.

I haven't seen my wife since

she welcomed me home this morning.

Don't worry about her.

Have some food first.

- We'll find her later.

- No!

I'll find her. I'm all right.

Hi, Ted. Where've you been?

- Hello. How are you?

What's the matter, Ted?

Hello, Ted.

- Help yourself, son.

- Help myself, huh?

All right, I'll take the blonde.

- I beg your pardon?

- It's all right.

Ted.

Look at the hero.

Just a fool, that's all.

There isn't a woman

in the world worth that.

Love, honor and obey, huh?

Don't make me laugh.

- Ted!

- Where's my wife?

- Ted.

- Oh, there you are.

Oh, so you're the white-haired boy, huh?

Murderer returns to the scene

of his crime.

- Ted, you don't know what you're saying.

- Wait a minute!

But I don't know whether you are or not,

but just for luck...

- Ted, stop it. Cut it out!

- Let go of me!

I'll go through this crowd like a high wind.

- Ted, pull yourself together!

- Get away from me!

Come here, come here.

Get him out!

Does this mean

that you're leaving me, Ted?

It's rather apparent, don't you think?

Oh, don't let's make a mess

of things like this.

Spoil our happiness.

Happiness?

Don't you think it's a little late

to talk about that?

Well, you didn't think of that when...

Oh, I see. You're going to put

all the blame on me, huh?

Oh, Ted, no. I didn't mean to say that.

Well, listen, I'm not the first man

in the world who's made a...

Oh, Ted.

Don't let's talk about men and women.

They do all sorts of things.

We've got to live our own life, dear.

There's so much of it ahead.

I'll never do anything you don't like.

I'll never make you sorry, really.

I'll forgive you anything, dear.

Can't you please forgive me?

When I try to look ahead without you,

why, everything goes black.

I love you, dear. I can't go on without you.

Oh, you'll get along all right.

You've made a pretty good beginning.

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