The Dog Problem Page #3

- I'm kidding.

- Don't be shitty.

- I'm kidding.

- You're an a**hole.

Come on.

Look, I'm just trying to do

the right thing here, all right?

That's cool.

That's cool.

And all I'm saying is,

you don't got to kill yourself.

Yeah, but you're busting my balls.

I'm not.

Hey, hey, hey.

- A little bit. - Listen, in that very

"unhappy time", you sold a book.

- In my opinion, a very good book.

- Don't do that.

I like the book.

I like the book.

Yeah, because it's the

only book you ever read.

Wow!

Now who's being shitty, okay?

Stop that.

Listen, you had money,

you had lots of girls around.

I was miserable.

I was miserable!

I enjoyed it.

Cas, don't you want to be loved?

- Yeah...

- Wait.

You know, give and receive?

I do.

Almost every single night.

I have nothing.

And then I give the dog

away and then I have...

I have negative nothing.

A clean carpet, maybe?

I... I know.

I don't understand.

- Hey, babe.

- Loser.

Can I have some ketch...

Ketchup?

Wow.

What's with her?

I- I don't know.

Um...

I, uh, I took some shots of her,

some nudes, and, uh...

and she's crazy.

I don't... I don't know.

You know what I need?

- Ketchup?

- No, I need a plan.

Everybody has a plan.

We all need plans.

A plan, huh?

Yeah, what's your plan?

I, uh... I have a plan.

Well, what is it?

It's to, um...

It's to sleep with lots of girls,

take pictures of them,

eat three times a day.

Stuff like that.

I need more therapy.

You are a good writer.

No, don't do...

You know, I'm going to do the thing.

La-la-la...

Don't be a child.

Don't be a child.

Stop it.

Okay, fine.

What's your plan?

I have a plan.

What is it?

Uh... I-I, uh...

Love the dog, have the dog love me.

Meet a woman, do the same thing.

Get married.

Kids.

It's a plan.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Pig.

I did not sell the f***ing pictures, okay?

They were stolen from me.

You sold naked pictures of her?

What did I just say?

Cas!

Okay, come on.

Come on.

Go play.

Come on, man, we drove all the way here.

Go play.

What?

You don't want to go play?

Here.

Here.

Look, I got the ball.

I got the ball.

Okay?

Oh!

Ah!

Come on.

Those are your friends.

Go out there.

Come on.

Go get the ball.

Get the ball.

Okay, I'm going to go that way

and you go that way, all right?

Come on, we're here, man.

Come on, man up.

Hi.

Hi.

Do you mind...

Do you mind if I sit down?

Yeah, fine.

Just don't hit on me.

- What's that?

- I don't want to flirt.

I didn't come here to flirt.

So if that's why you want to sit down, no.

But if you're really just looking

for a place to sit, then, fine.

Oh, no...

Yeah, I just wanted to sit down.

Okay.

Oh, man, I need some exercise.

I'm Solo.

What?

Sorry.

Did you just tell me you were Solo?

Yeah, I did.

W- why?

Well, I... I just felt uncomfortable

sitting here next to you

and not saying anything

and I didn't want you to

think that I was flirting so I...

Solo's my name, by the way.

Oh.

Okay.

- See, that's where I got confused.

- Oh yeah.

Yeah, see?

That's how wars get started.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Miscommunication.

Right.

That's how wars get started.

Yeah, I didn't get that at first

and then I just got it, so then I said it.

Sorry.

Yeah...

It's kind of weird sitting here

not saying anything, though, right?

Then get up.

- Okay.

- No!

Sit down.

Okay.

Hah!

You're kind of crazy, huh?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not crazy at all.

No.

I've just had a very long run indoors.

Haven't done a whole lot of socializing

in the last year, so...

Right.

Solo, huh?

- Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

- Your mom give you that name?

- Yes, she did.

- Yeah.

- Why?

Um, it's just a long story.

You want to make it short?

No.

All right.

Well...

- I'm Lola, Solo.

- Hi.

Nice to meet you, Lola.

I'm Solo.

- I know.

- All right.

Okay.

Well, I feel comfortable now.

So if you want to get

back to your book, I'll...

I'll be quiet.

You know, it's okay.

It's a bad book, so...

- Oh, really?

- Mmm -hm.

I wrote one of those once.

- You did?

- Yeah, I did.

Really?

A bad book?

- Yeah.

- I probably read it.

What's it called?

I'd rather not s...

I don't know, I don't know...

I... I don't know.

I'd rather not.

Okay.

Hey, there's a lot of dogs here, huh?

Dog park.

Yeah.

Which one's yours?

Oh, sh*t!

Vito! Off!

Off!

Oh, my God!

Look you know, I...

I really don't want

to make a big deal out of this.

Then why are you?

Well, under normal circumstances,

I wouldn't be, but here and now

with the financial state that I'm in and...

and, if truth be told,

I sort of feel like you're

responsible a little bit.

- Okay, how do you figure that?

Lady, your dog ate my dog.

He didn't eat him, he bit him.

Several times.

Look, I'm sure he's going to be fine.

Well, I hope so, you know...

No, don't be so dramatic about it.

It's just a couple of scratches.

He was bleeding all over the place.

Look, I'm not paying for this.

I feel like by bringing you here,

I fulfilled all my obligations.

I mean, I... I'm sorry.

I just... I don't feel responsible.

I mean, it... it's a dog park.

Sh*t happens.

And maybe your dog

just really isn't dog park material.

You know what I mean?

I couldn't agree with you more.

Good.

I'm glad.

Okay, so...

Well, I'm really sorry about her.

What...

He. It's a he.

His name? I...

That's still up in the air.

- You haven't named your dog?

- No, I haven't yet.

- Well, what do you call it?

- I don't call him anything.

Well, when it's over there and

you want it to come here,

- like, what do you say?

- Uh, "come"?

I don't know. I haven't really had

that problem yet, I just got him.

You should...

You should name your dog.

I know I should name my dog.

Okay. Well, Solo...

Once again, I am really sorry about this,

but you know...

I've got to go.

Vito's in the car

and I have to get him home.

Please help me.

Please.

I'm begging you.

Please don't leave me here.

Look, I know we just met and...

and... and there's no reason on earth

for you to trust me, but just do it.

Just... just lend me the money

and I swear to God,

if I have to sell my own body to do it,

I'll pay you back, very soon.

Please just help me.

Okay. I'll help you.

God, I don't know why.

But I'll help you.

They can bill me for the damages.

Uh! No!

- No touch.

- Sorry.

This is my work address.

I'm there every night till 2:00 a. m.

And by the way, I'm going to be taking

your license plate number on the way out.

You don't need to do that.

Nonetheless, that's what I'm going to do.

- Okay.

- Look, don't screw me here.

'Cause I can't afford this.

Okay.

You're a good lady.

Thank you.

You okay?

Tsk...

Excuse me, sir.

We don't allow dogs in the building.

Oh, come on.

You know me.

I'm... I'm just here to see Dr. Nourmand.

I've seen you, sir,

but that doesn't excuse the fact

that we have a "no dog"

policy in the building.

- Well, I...

- Some people are allergic.

I can't just leave him in the car.

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