The Dramatics: A Comedy Page #4

Uh, my girlfriend.

Oh. Cool.

Really stoned.

- Right?

- Yeah, me too.

- Muchas gracias for the herbage.

- Yeah.

Appreciate that.

May Jah bless you on your journey.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

Oh, hey, um...

Can I get your number?

Not for like a date or anything.

I'm starting

another improv group

and we wanted you

to be our coach.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Cool.

Cool.

- You're cold.

- Yeah.

- Wear my jacket.

- Oh, no, no, no, no. That's okay.

Sam, give her my jacket, please.

Oh, you...

I really don't need it.

Oh, all right.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Can I, can I have one?

You know,

women shouldn't smoke cigarettes.

I don't really.

It's really disgusting.

Here.

Open it.

Oh my god,

you're Bryan J. Macy.

- I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Don't worry about it. What's your name?

- Huge fan. I'm Eric.

- Hey.

Hey, game of chess,

I gotta tell you that, uh...

You know I wanted to

be a teacher,

but I was addicted to drugs

- Meant a lot to me.

- I'm sorry, man.

- It's a pleasure to meet you.

- Thanks.

It means a lot.

- Good to see you.

- Yeah. Nice to meet you.

I desperately await

my punishment.

I desperately await

my punishment.

Eagerly.

Eagerly await my punishment.

- What's going on champ?

- Oh, hey, babe.

- What you got on there?

- Uh, Bryan gave it to me.

It's just I guess to work on

character stuff or something.

Is that what you're

wearing on the show?

Uh, I mean, not this exactly.

I was researching

corsets from that period

and this is actually

a little too modern.

But, yeah, something like this.

- Do you like it?

- Love it.

Oh, also, I woke up

to a text from Bryan

saying that he wants to have

us over to his house tonight

for a little dinner slash meet

and greet with the producers.

- It's gonna be tough for me.

- Why?

It's just the writing. You know,

had a lot of breakthroughs yesterday

and, I mean,

gotta see them through.

Gotta strap myself to the beast.

I mean, you know how it is.

Uh, well, could you

just not be that late?

Life of an artist,

you know. It's tough.

I'm gonna try

and make it though.

I'll definitely try and be there.

What time is it?

- Eight.

- Eight. Ohh!

I'll make it work.

You submit a personal firearms

eligibility check application

along with 20 bucks and your ID.

Get that notarized and include

your right thumb print.

That's gonna take 38 to

120 days to come back.

Then you're gonna want to take

the personal handgun safety test

which is 30 questions...

I'm gonna go and cut

you off right there.

This all feels like a lot.

- You know what I mean?

- Uh...

Is there any way...

Would you kinda just like...

Bypass the red tape?

Uh, in what way?

What do you mean?

How can I put this?

You know, like in Taxi Driver,

when he goes and he meets

that guy in the hotel room.

And the guy's got all the

briefcases full of guns.

And he's like,

that's a .38 Magnum.

That's a snub nose.

I just sell high quality

goods to the right people.

Do you have any stuff like that?

Get out.

- Leave the store.

- Okay, I'm just gonna just...

Let me throw this one at you.

I'll give you $72 cash

up front for that shotgun,

no questions asked,

out the door.

Absolutely not.

Leave now.

Okay.

Thank you, thank you,

thank you for seeing me last minute.

I am like

freaking out about this.

It's so much pressure.

You're like,

the only acting teacher I trust in LA.

Okay.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi. Aah!

So what can I do for you, Katie?

Uh, well, I told you in the email

I think that I got this part.

"Master...

The Master's Maiden."

The Master's Maiden.

Okay.

Which, you know...

I mean, that's gonna

be like huge.

Mm. What's huge about it?

- Yeah...

- Mm-hmm?

He's so...

Yeah. Totally.

Why do you think

you attracted this part

at this point in your life?

Maybe like, something about...

Being sexy?

Do you think you're sexy

enough to play this part?

I mean, I guess I am.

Or they wouldn't have cast me.

- Right?

- I don't know.

Uh, so yeah,

can we just go over some of the...

Love yourself.

Okay.

Yeah. Okay.

Love... yourself.

I mean I do, pretty much.

Hey, yeah, hi. This is Paul.

Katie's boyfriend.

Hello? Hello?

Wait there.

Remember, okay, we are the last line

of defense for these poor villagers.

I look up

and, and I see this kid,

no more than six years old.

No shirt, no shoes,

running towards me

as fast as he can.

He's shivering...

- Hey.

- Mr Macy's not expecting you.

Uh, well, my girlfriend...

Look, you're not on the list,

I can't let you in.

All right, look.

I'm just gonna call her.

What am I gonna do?

I can leave this, this child.

And I remembered where I am.

Lieutenant's yelling at me,

"Come on, come on!"

Gotta get back

on the helicopter.

So I-I-I grabbed this child

up in my arms

and I...

I run for the helicopter,

and all of a sudden, just pop!

His head explodes.

How...

F***ing voice mail, dude.

Damn it! Look.

I get it. You're here to protect Bryan

from like crazy stalkers and sh*t.

I'm not that.

I wouldn't be here

if my girlfriend wasn't doing

some shitty series with him,

to be honest with you.

Not even a fan

of Bryan J. Macy.

Actually think he's

kind of a hack.

Still not gonna let you in.

Yeah. Well,

I'm gonna go then.

I always thought the line

between life and death was thin.

But it took that moment

for me to know

there is no line at all.

Wow.

That is so powerful, Bryan.

Yeah. It is.

Aah!

- The f***!

- Paul?

Hey.

Sorry, I'm sorta breaking into your house,

Bryan J. Macy. Uh...

Your guy wouldn't let me in.

Katie wasn't

picking up her phone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

My phone, it was inside.

It's cool, babe.

- Cool tiny bridge, man.

- Hey, what the f***...

Dennis, Dennis, it's okay.

It's all right. He can stay.

Hey, I'm sorry I went

behind your back, man.

- Yeah, man.

- Thank you.

He's a good guy and...

He just wouldn't let me in. I'm sorry.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm good. I'm good.

Hey.

So, Paul, Bryan.

Bryan, Paul.

Nice to meet you.

No big deal

'cause you're here now.

But I was kinda hoping it'd

just be people from the show.

What's that?

No, I'm just kidding.

Oh, man.

Gotta watch out

for this guy, huh?

Okay.

- Anybody hungry?

- Hmm.

- Go inside.

- What're you drinking? Apple...

- Appletini.

- You don't... Okay.

- That's cool.

- Bryan made it.

I trip, I looked down.

It's this guy's foot.

He's been curled up underneath

one of the desks at the preschool

whacked out of his mind

on drugs...

Wait, who knows where he's

been the other two days.

Parents didn't know

that he was doing...

- This was his process you know.

- ...drugs,

So we're like, get him in the

wardrobe and get him in the scene.

- Right.

- I said, "Bryan, get up.

We got work to do here.

Come on, let's do the scene."

- What does he say?

- What does he say?

He says, "My name is Chester."

- Like, the guy is still in charac...

- Character.

- Yes!

- Wow!

- Big time.

- And disappeared.

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