The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! Page #4

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which makes me the princess.

Father, l think this peasant

has gone mad with the plague!

For everyone knows

l am the true princess of the land.

(ALL GASP)

My loyal, filthy subjects,

surely you a**holes recognize me.

lmposter!

(ALL YELLlNG)

(SlGHS)

Guys? l think the Jew Producer

was telling the truth.

l think l'm a fake.

l think we're all fakes!

Oh, my God. You know what l think?

Duh!

To the dungeon with them!

(WHlMSlCAL MUSlC PLAYlNG)

It ain't where it is and it ain't where it ain't

lt's a little stinky thing l call a taint

Why don't you suck it, why don't you suck it?

Why don't you suck my little taint?

It ain't where it was and it taint where it ain't

And it's something they call my stinky taint

Why don't you suck it, why don't you suck it?

Why don't you suck it?

-What the hell is this?

-This is horrible!

She's a little girl who sings about her taint!

lt's genius!

-Why don't you suck

-Why don't you suck

Why don't you suck her stinky little taint?

Why don't you suck

-Suck my taint

-Suck my taint

Suck my stinky little taint

-Suck my taint

-Taint

-Suck my taint

-Suck my taint

Come on and suck my stinky little taint

lt's the most beautiful thing l've ever seen!

Don't you see?

lt taint corporate greed,

and it taint the politicians

who have drained our economy.

lt's the lack of personal responsibility.

ALL:
Oh!

-That is so true.

-l never thought of that before.

l normally don't laugh at taint humor,

but this is wrapped in

such an important message.

Why don't you suck

-Suck my taint

-Suck my taint

Suck my taint

And when did it become a crime

to be passionate about your work?

So what if l love the characters l created?

Screw him, right?

And kidnapping my son, whoo, how tacky.

Not to mention clich!

You don't talk much, do you, l.S.R.A.E.L.?

I.S.R.A.E.L. taIks when

l.S.R.A.E.L. has something to say.

l'm just trying to pass the time, man.

Listen, l know you're a robot,

but don't you have feelings?

l mean, isn't it hard to destroy innocent

people that have never wronged you?

Everyone's wronged l.S.R.A.E.L.

Really? Wow.

lf that's the way you feel, maybe

we'd all be better off if you didn't exist.

l.S.R.A.E.L. has every right to exist!

Ok, ok, dude, relax.

Don't get so defensive.

I.S.R.A.E.L. need rest.

(HORNS HONKlNG)

Here? This is where you want to rest?

This is the single most dangerous place

you could be situated!

There are so many other

places you could be, l.S.R.A.E.L.,

that would be safer and

would cause less problems!

Why here?

I.S.R.A.E.L. shouIdn't have to Ieave.

Everyone else should leave.

They're the ones who are stupid.

Oy! l.S.R.A.E.L., you are a handful.

l'm sorry, Drawn Togethergang.

But l have to save my Jew son.

Oh, l.S.R.A.E.L., l think

l know where they are.

(SQUEAKlNG)

Oh, yeah.

l haven't seen this many sh*t-covered

rodents since my last colonoscopy.

-(RlMSHOT)

-Ta!

(CRYlNG)

Oh, it's ok, Clara.

So we're not who we think we are.

-So what, right?

-So what?

lf l'm not a princess,

then l'm just another beautiful virgin

with real C-cups and a super tight ass

that continuously vibrates

and tastes like wild berries.

Who could ever love someone like that?

-(CRYlNG)

-(DOOR OPENS)

Dungeon master, make sure the guillotine

is not too far back on the stage.

l want the people in the

front row to have to wear rain ponchos.

Milord, perhaps you could see it in your heart

to let me live here in your kingdom

and give me the opportunity to be

the real princess l always thought l was.

For l can be just as good as the officially

sanctioned princesses in your kingdom.

Allow me.

(VOCALlZlNG)

Hmm?

(VOCALlZlNG)

Yeah, Clara! She's doing it! lt's working!

For f***'s sake, Xandir!

l'm trying to impress the goddamn king!

And l can't f***ing sing if you keep

flapping those dick-sucking lips of yours!

Hmm.

Uh...

(VOCALlZlNG)

Guards, tomorrow, off with their heads!

No, wait! Please!

Release the king, vile peasant!

Hero! Do something!

Oh, yes, of course.

You shouldn't see this, baby.

l know how you are around blood,

and this could easily go that way.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMlNG)

(GRUMBLlNG)

Oh, you totally would

not have been into that.

(HUMMlNG)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Excuse me, Suck My Taint Girl, we...

Oh, my goodness!

You guys are from Drawn Together!

Uh, l heard you were all erased.

-You know who we are?

-Well, of course l do, silly.

l'm, like, the taintest fan

of Drawn Together ever.

l tain't missed an episode.

Well, good, 'cause we need your help,

Suck My Taint Girl.

We was canceled,

and we need to get back on TV.

But of course you were canceled.

You guys were filthy and offensive

without ever having a point.

A p-p-p-pa... Pa... Po...

Po... Po... Poi...

Poi... Aah... Poi... Ohh...

Ohh... Ahh... Oint?

Yeah! You know, like social commentary.

Everybody knows that these days,

if you want to be raunchy and funny on TV,

you need to also be relentlessly preachy.

-Too bad we never had a point.

-Hey. Know what you should do?

You should go to Make-A-Point Land

and get yourself a point

from the MakeA-Point wizard.

You'll be back on the air in no time!

Really? Because if you're lying, l'll cut you.

l'll cut you to the f***ing bone.

Ooh! Can you take us to this

Make-A-Point Land, Suck My Taint Girl?

Well, l really shouldn't be seen with

you guys, but l could be convinced

if you introduced me

to the rest of the Drawn Togethergang.

Huh? What do you say? ls it a deal?

(CLARA CRYlNG)

No, Molly, you're the cutest.

No, you are! (CHUCKLES)

Watching Hero and his whorish

know-it-all girlfriend made me sick.

l had to get Hero to break up with Molly

so l could have my best friend back.

And l had just the plan.

(WHlSPERS lNDlSTlNCTLY) Got it?

Now, follow my lead, and don't f*** it up.

Uh, Xandir?

Wait, wait. Best friend in Ling...

(LAUGHlNG) Oh, God!

Asians are hilarious! (CHUCKLES)

Come on, Ling-Ling.

MAN:
Ling-Ling into depression go

He bIew his chance with Xandir

Xandir only have eyes for Hero

Ling-Ling die alone

What was that, Molly?

You have the perfect escape plan?

We'll be out of here in no time?

Really, Molly? Oh, that's awesome!

XANDlR:
When Mollyjust

lies there and does nothing,

we'll all be executed in the morning,

and Hero will finally realize

how lame his dead girlfriend is.

(CHUCKLES) l'm so clever!

(GASPS) Oh, l can't stand it!

Well, the guards are coming, Molly.

(CHUCKLES) We can't wait to see

your plan in action, can we, guys?

(FLY BUZZlNG)

Molly... Come on, do something.

You're embarrassing me

in front of all my guy friends.

(BUZZlNG)

Oh, maybe they were right about you.

Maybe we should just break...

-Whoa! That prisoner doesn't look so hot!

-She's pale, and that rat is eating her eyeball.

(BURPS)

We better do something!

(MUTTERS lNDlSTlNCTLY)

Ooh! (CHUCKLES) Clever, clever.

Psst! That guard outfit makes you look fat.

lt does? (WAlLlNG)

Oh, great! Now l'll have

to deal with that all night.

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