The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! Page #6

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(BOTH SCREAMlNG)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(BEEPlNG)

Got it! Let's go!

(DlNOSAUR GROANS)

(WOMEN SCREAM)

Burn in hell, you fat

f***ing homewrecking b*tch!

lt's a living.

(LAUGH TRACK)

Outrageous!

How did you think you were

going to get away with this?

A foul-mouthed clone of my daughter.

What if some child actually thought

it was her using the word shitcunt?

l understand. But we are taking measures.

We are taking measures, too. Ooh!

-(ELECTRlC WHlNE)

-What the...

(EXPLOSlON)

Target has been eliminated.

Just to be on the safe side,

erase the whole place.

And get back here when you're done.

There's been a change of plans.

But sir, this is the happiest place on earth.

lt was the happiest place on earth.

(LAUGHS)

Erase it aII.

CHOIR:
lt's a world of laughter

It's a worId of sunshine

(SlNGlNG AND MUSlC DlSTORT AND STOP)

(GLASS SHATTERS AND METAL CLANGS)

FOXXY:
After we got Toot back from Bedrock,

we immediately brought

her to Suck My Taint Girl.

(GASPS) You're all here! Hooray!

Wait. Where's Clara?

FOXXY:
And we told Suck My Taint Girl

the terribIe news about CIara.

-What?

-She took it pretty hard.

(CRYlNG)

But after a long talk and

a respectaful memoryial service,

Suck My Taint Girl agreed to

take us to Make-A-Point Land,

help us find the Make-A-Point wizard, get

our point, and get our show back on the air,

hence redeeming myself for

getting us all into this mess in the first place.

Uh, why did you say all that?

Sorry, giving confessionals

is a hard habit to break.

Well, it seems kind of crazy.

(GRUNTS)

You know what's crazy?

You ass-bags dragging me here.

When my Barney comes for me,

you'll all get yours.

(LAUGHS)

This is great and all, but can we

get going to Make-A-Point Land

before l.S.R.A.E.L. finds us?

Tain't no time like the present.

But remember,

there are lots of magical and mysterious

creatures in Make-A-Point Land,

and they don't take too kindly

to those who are disgusting

for the sake of being disgusting.

(ALL GRUNTlNG)

What? l'm sorry. l got distracted.

What were you saying?

l was saying it's time we go.

Let's taint the town brown!

(WHlRRlNG)

(ALL GASP)

Uh, question. Why is your ship

plugged into the ass of that animal?

(MOOS)

Oh, Mr. Ham. l'm so glad you asked,

because you're going to love this.

This ship is powered by... Wait for it...

Poo!

(FLATULATlNG)

A feces-fueled rocket ship? That's awesome!

Yep. This ship is an ear of corn

powered by bull sh*t

because, don't you see, ethanol is bullshit.

Oh, yeah. l get it.

l kind of liked it better when

it was just a sh*t-powered rocket.

(RUMBLlNG)

SECOND MAN:
T-minus 5, 4,

Liftoff.

(FLATULATlNG)

Well, l gotta hit the head.

Don't go changing while l'm away. (LAUGHS)

(SCOFFS) l am sick of it

just being the 2 of us.

Ohh.

Playing hot potato just sucks

without my beloved Hero.

And l love hot potato!

MAN:
Ling-Ling make sad realization

Xandir's heart is with another

if Ling-Ling really loves Xandir

like he says he does

He'll help Xandir get back Hero

(SCREECHES)

What? Molly!

You promised me we'd go to prom together!

l can't believe you would do this to me!

(CRlES)

Later

Guys, it's over between me and Molly.

(CRlES)

Oh, there you go. lt's ok.

Cry on my shoulder, darling.

-Hyah!

-Look, Make-A-Point Land!

Where? l can't see it.

lt's right over there between

Why-You-So-Bitter-

About-Being-Canceled Land

and You-Had-3-Or-4-Seasons,

You-Should-Be-Happy-With-What-You-Got,

Most-Shows-Don't-Even-Get-That Land.

Hold onto my taint, everyone!

lt's going to be a rough landing.

(FLATULATES)

(ALL SCREAM)

Here we are, Make-A-Point Land!

ANNOUNCER:
Put on your 3-D glasses now!

(DOOR WHlRS)

ALL:
Ooh!

TOOT:
3-D! The technology

of the eighties, but it's now!

(MUTTERlNG)

Whoa! Whoa!

(GRUNTlNG)

(lNDlSTlNCT)

(GRUNTS)

lt looks fake.

Let's move quickly, and don't

taint any attention to yourselves.

(WlND HOWLS) Huh?

-That's a fetus tornado.

-Huh? A fetus tornado?

Don't you see? People just go round and

round when it comes to stem cell research.

Well. Not as funny.

Ray-Ray 2 through 7! Mama love you!

-SPANKY:
Cool!

-(ROARS)

The Pfizersaurus Rex! Don't you see?

lf we keep listening to

the pharmaceutical companies,

one day, we, too, will be extinct.

Not so cool anymore.

Come on, gang. Let's keep moving

before we get spotted by

floating Tom Brokaw made of semen.

Floating Tom Brokaw made of semen?

What the f*** is his point?

Maybe that the media is dumb

and superficial and delicious?

Look! The wizard's palace!

(ALL SCREAM)

(ROARS)

(GASPS) Oh, no! lt's the Giant

Who Shits lnto His Own Mouth!

(ROARS)

(GULPS)

Fee, fi, fo, fums!

l smell pointless abominations!

(GULPS) l must kill you!

(ROARS)

(ALL SCREAM)

Wait, Giant Who Shits lnto His Own Mouth!

Now, l know my Drawn Togetherfriends

are stupid, pointless, crude creatures

of mediocre comedy.

That's why l brought them here.

To get a point. You can't kill them!

l can do anything l want! (GULPS)

Except get the taste of sh*t out of my mouth.

(GULPS)

Hold up, Giant Who

Shits lnto His Own Mouth.

You saying you don't like eating sh*t?

l eat sh*t all day, every day, 24/7.

Of course l don't like it.

(GULPS) But it's how l was born.

(SNlFFLES)

Well, what if we help you?

Then would you let us go?

Mmm-hmm. (GULPS)

(GASPS) lf only we had something

we could tie to the giant's head

to interrupt the flow of poop.

(BELL DlNGS)

(GASPS) lt's working! lt's working!

ALL:
Amen.

Hallelujah. Your way talking. Whoo!

l... l can't taste sh*t,

for the first time in my whole life!

Thank you! Oh, thank you!

l'm finally free! l can eat whatever l want now!

Anything!

That's right, Giant. Anything!

Uhh...

Would you sh*t in my mouth?

Well, guys, here we are.

ALL:
Ooh!

lmpressive.

Thanks, Suck My Taint Girl.

The Make-A-Point wizard's got to help.

He's just gotta.

Uh, any chance there's a

Wrap-This-Thing-Up-Already wizard in there?

l can't believe the MakeA-Point wizard

finally gave me my point.

Of course! l represent the

duality of goodness and martyrdom

and the unencumbered id that is repressed

when religion meets sexuality.

And crab.

-(SlGHS)

-Come on.

Let's get ourselves back on the air.

(ALL GASP)

Who has come forth seeking a point, hmm?

Your Majesty, l humbly present to you

what's left of the Drawn Togethergang.

Oh, my. You kids have

caused quite a bit of trouble.

Honestly, l don't

even think a point can help.

(CHUCKLES)

You Honor, dis is our only shot.

lf we don't get the Drawn Together

back on TV, we ain't never gonna be safe.

Please, Mr. Wizard. Without my TV persona,

l'm just another 33-year-old

schizophrenic drug addict

with jaundice and several deformities.

Fine, fine. Sheesh! l'll give you a point.

(DRAWN TOGETHER CAS CHEERlNG AND TALKlNG AT ONCE)

(LAUGHTER)

ALL:
Ohh.

WOOLDOOR:
lmpressive.

Well, this is it, y'all.

We's about to get our point,

get back on the air,

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