The Dresser Page #6

into submission if you dare!

But each word I speak will be

a shield against your savagery,

each line I utter

a protection against your terror.

I don't think they can

hear you, Sir.

Swines! Barbarians!

BOMB HITS CLOSE BY

HE GROANS:

Oh, no. Oh, Sir.

Just as we were winning.

Perhaps it's timely. He can't go on.

Look at him. Fetch Madge.

Norman! Sir.

Get me down to the stage. Yes.

By Christ, no squadron of

Fascist Bolsheviks will stop me now.

Do as I say!

BOMBS DROP IN THE DISTANCE

How is he?

Who'll make the announcement?

Mr Davenport-Scott, of course.

No! Oh, dear! You, then, Norman.

Me, Sir? Do not argue,

I've given my orders,

I have enough to contend with.

Sir, I'm not equipped. Do it!

Come on.

Take the apron off,

for goodness' sake.

PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

BOMB CRASHES:

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen,

the warning has just gone.

An air-raid is in progress.

We shall proceed

with the performance.

MUTTERING:

Will those...

Will those who wish to live...

CHUCKLES:

Will anyone who wishes to leave

do so as quietly as possible?

Thank you.

APPLAUSE:

Stand by.

Stand by on tabs.

(Stand by on stage.)

Go LX. Go flies.

Curtain going up.

I thought the King had more affected

the Duke of Albany than Cornwall.

It did always seem so to us.

Geoffrey, was I all right?

Yes, yes, old man, damn good.

Your Ladyship, was I all right?

Better than Mr Davenport-Scott.

Really? Do you mean that?

I was ever so nervous.

Do you think anyone

noticed the slip?

"Will those who wish to live... "

Ooh, I could have kicked myself.

I was really all right?

You were fine.

Did he say anything? No.

Cueing grams.

My services to Your Lordship.

Stand by, please.

All right, Sir.

Cueing timpani, Sir.

The King is coming.

APPLAUSE:

Sir? What?

Her Ladyship's entered.

Oh, quite a nice round,

so it's your turn now.

You see? What did I say?

Please, Sir, the entrance.

You're on.

Please, Sir, it's your entrance.

Me thought I saw him.

His procession formed,

100 knights his escort...

Mr Oxenby's having to extemporize.

"Attend the lords of

France and Burgundy".

The King, my father, was,

me thought, behind me.

From our camp we marched,

a goodly distance,

I ahead, as is our custom.

Sir, the natives are

getting restless.

Sound the fanfare again.

DISTANT EXPLOSION

Ah! Methinks I see the King.

IMPACT OVERHEAD:

AUDIENCE GASPS:

No, I was mistook.

My Lord, with thy consent,

I shall to his majestic side,

there to discover

his royal progress.

Is he coming or isn't he? Yes!

I'm cueing the King's fanfare again.

"Attend the lords of France

and Burgundy, Gloucester. "

FANFARE:

Cue the knights, cue the knights.

Oh! Go on, go on.

Enter, for God's sake.

APPLAUSE:

Attend the lords of France

and Burgundy, Gloucester.

I shall, my liege.

Meantime we shall express our darker

purpose. Give me the map there.

Know that we have divided in three

our kingdom, and 'tis our fast

intent to shake all cares and

business from our age, conferring

them on younger selves, while we,

unburdened

crawl toward death.

Thou art a lady,

if only to go warm were gorgeous.

Why, nature needs not

what thou gorgeous wear'st,

which scarcely keeps thee warm.

But for true need,

you heavens, give

me that patience,

patience I need.

You see me here, you gods,

a poor old man,

as full of grief as age,

wretched in both.

If it be you that stirs

these daughters' hearts

against their father, fool me

not so much to bear it tamely.

Touch me with noble anger.

And let not women's weapons,

water-drops, stain my man's cheeks!

No, you unnatural hags, I will have

such revenges on you both.

That all the world shall -

I will do such things -

what they are yet I know not but they

shall be the terrors of the earth.

You think I'll weep.

No, I'll not weep.

I have full cause of weeping

but this heart shall

break into 100,000 flaws

or ere I'll weep.

O, fool! I shall go mad.

THUNDER SHEET BOOMS

Let us withdraw, 'twill be a storm.

I know you. Where's the king?

Stay out of my focus, Geoffrey.

Contending with

the fretful elements.

Bids the wind blow the earth into

the sea or swell the curled waters

'bove the main,

That things might change or cease.

Geoffrey, wait. Don't get in

the light. Don't hold up, no pauses.

Just keep the pace going.

Pace, pace, pace, pace, pace.

Sir, I do know you, open this purse,

and take what it contains.

A fie on this storm! Stand by.

I shall go seek the King.

Stand by LX. Now!

THUNDER SHEET BOOMS

Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks.

Rage, blow, you cataracts

and hurricanoes, strike.

Thou sulphurous

and thought executing fires...

Louder! He wants it louder!

Singe my white head

and thou, all shaking thunder,

strike flat the thick

rotundity o' th' world.

Crack nature's moulds, all germens...

Come on, louder!

He wants it louder, come on!

That's not loud enough, louder!

Come on, come on!

Nor rain, wind, thunder,

fire are my daughters.

So old and white as this.

O, ho, 'tis foul!

Where was the storm?

Where was the storm?

I ask for cataracts and hurricanoes

and I am given

nothing but trickles and whistles.

I demand oak-cleaving thunderbolts

and you answer with farting flies.

THUNDER SHEET BOOMS

Norman, Norman, you have thwarted me.

I was there, within sight,

I had only to be spurred upwards

and the glory was mine for

the plucking and there was naught,

zero, silence, a breeze,

oh, a breeze!

A shower,

a collision of cotton-wool,

a flapping of butterfly wings.

I want a tempest not a drizzle.

Something will have to be done.

I demand to know what happened

tonight to the storm!

I'm pleased you're pleased.

I've never known you not complain

when you've really been at it

and, tonight, one could safely say,

without fear of contradiction,

you were at it.

Go on, rest now.

You've the interval and all

of Gloucester's blinding before,

"No, they cannot touch me

for coining. "

Try to sleep.

You've been through it.

Or been put through it,

whichever you prefer.

And you need quiet, as the deaf-mute

said to the piano tuner.

Mighty, Her Ladyship thought you

were tonight, she did,

that was the word she used.

"Mighty. "

Of course, I cannot comment

on the storm scene but I did hear,

"O Reason not the need".

Tremble-making.

Never seen you

so full of the real thing,

if you don't mind my saying so, Sir.

And here's a funny thing.

In the storm scene, while we were

beating ourselves delirious

and I was having to jump

between thunder sheet

and timpani,

like a juggler with

rubber balls and Indian clubs,

Mr Oxenby came to our aid,

uninvited.

Not a word said,

just gave assistance

when assistance was needed.

Afterwards, just before

the interval, I thanked him.

"Get stuffed,"

he said, which wasn't nice.

And then he added, scornfully,

"I don't know why I helped. "

And I said, "Because we

are a band of brothers,

"and you're one of us

in spite of yourself. "

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