The Dresser Page #5

It'll be all hands to the pump

tonight, Norman.

A small part of the service,

Your Ladyship. Thank you.

Don't suppose I didn't see that

because I did.

There are more children in this

beloved land of ours scavenging

the larders for something sweet,

if only they came to me

I could tell them of

the one person in England who has an

inexhaustible supply of chocolate.

Because it is I who have to carry

her dead as my Cordelia.

It is I who have to lift her

up in my arms.

Thank Christ, I thought,

for rationing

but, no, she would find sugar

in a sand dune.

Shall I show the actors in, Sir?

What? No, I don't want...

Sir, you have to see the actors.

Ah, Mr Thorton. Mr Thornton

to see you, Sir.

SIR GARGLES:

Geoffrey, does the costume fit?

Mr Davenport-Scott was

such a tall man.

Mr Davenport-Scott was a worm.

You look, er...

Do you know the lines? Yes.

Don't keep me waiting for them.

Oh, no.

Pace, pace, pace, pace, pace, pace.

Yes. And keep out of my focus. Yes.

The boom lights placed

in the downstage wings

are for me and me only.

Yes, old man, I know.

You must find what light you can.

Right.

Let me hear you sing. What?

"For he that has the little

tiny wit. Heigh-ho... "

WHIMPERING:
He... he...

# He that has the little

tiny wit... #

HE WHIMPERS:

# He that has and a little tiny wit

# With a heigh-ho,

the wind and the rain

# Must make content with

fortunes fit

# For the rain it raineth

every day. #

All right, speak it, don't sing it.

And in the storm scene, if you

are going to put your arms around

my legs, as Mr Davenport-Scott did,

then around my calves, not my thighs.

He almost ruptured me twice.

I'd rather I didn't, old man.

Feel it, my boy, feel it,

it is the only way.

Whatever takes you. Right.

But do not let it take you too much.

Remain within the bounds.

And, at all costs, remain still

when I speak. Of course.

Serve the playwright...

and keep your teeth in.

It's only when I'm nervous.

You will be nervous, I guarantee it.

There will be no extra

payment for this performance.

I believe your contract is

play as cast. Yes.

Good fortune attend your endeavours.

Thank you, Sir.

(God bless, Geoffrey.)

(I'd rather face

the Nazi hordes any day.)

I hope Mr Churchill has better

men in the cabinet.

Mr Oxenby is waiting, Sir. Oxenby?

What... what...? I don't know.

What does Oxenby want?

It's not what he wants,

it's what we want - someone to

operate the wind machine.

I don't want to see Oxenby,

I can't bear the man,

it's stifling in here.

We'll have no storm without him.

Mr Oxenby to see you, Sir.

You wanted to see me?

I... I don't know, erm, why?

Er, Norman?

Sir was wondering

if he could ask of you a favour.

He can ask.

You've not been with us very long

but I'm sure you've seen

enough to know that we're not

so much a company as one great

big happy family.

And...

we all muck in as required.

As I'm sure you've heard,

Mr Davenport-Scott will not be

rejoining the company.

Yes, I've heard.

You share a dressing-room

with one or two of them,

you hear nothing else.

It upsets the pansy fraternity

when one of their number is caught.

Because Mr Thornton is having

to play Fool,

and because our two elderly knights

are setting the hovel behind

the cloth during the storm scene,

we've no-one to operate

the wind machine.

We'd ask Mr Brown

but he's really rather too fragile.

We were wondering

if you'd turn the handle.

In short, no.

Anything else?

Has he read my play yet?

Perhaps the Russians have had

a setback on the Eastern Front.

Bolshevism will be

the ruin of the theatre.

What are we going to do?

Fancy not wanting to muck in.

He hates me. I can feel his hatred.

All I stand for he despises.

I wouldn't read his play, even if

he were Commissar of Culture.

I've read it.

Is there a part for me? Yes.

I know what Oxenby's up to.

He's writing plays for critics,

not people.

Oughtn't we to be quiet

for a bit, Sir?

Where's the girl with

the triple crown?

Don't fuss. I'll go and find her.

Oh, my dear.

Norman's just gone to find you.

Has he? I must have missed him.

Remind me of your name, child.

It's Irene, Sir.

Irene. Charming.

Were you at the Rada?

No, sir. I went straight into Rep.

Of course. I remember. Which Rep?

Maidenhead. Maidenhead, yes.

Next week in Eastbourne.

KNOCKING:

I can't find her.

Just admiring her bone structure.

Run along, Irene. Run along.

BELL RINGS:

A born actress.

Can tell by the cheek bones.

Put the crown on.

It's almost the quarter.

Shall I fetch her ladyship

and ask her to tie on the cloak?

How does the play begin?

God help me, that child has

driven it from my mind.

KNOCKING:

Quarter of an hour, please,

a few minutes late, I'm sorry,

that girl Irene is going to be

the death of me.

The quarter, I can't, I'm not ready,

tell them to go home,

give them their money back.

I hate the swines, I can't, I can't.

What are you saying? Do you want

the performance cancelled?

No, he doesn't. How does it begin?

For your own good.

How does it begin?

You'll never get through it.

He will. How does it begin?!

Get out, he'll be good and ready

when the curtain goes up.

We've run out of time.

There's 20 minutes yet.

We'll go up late, if necessary.

Leave me in peace!

I cannot remember the lines.

Norman, Norman, how does it begin?

"He hath been out nine years

and away he shall again. "

HE MIMICS A TRUMPE "The King is coming. "

"Attend the lords of France

and Burgundy, Gloucester. "

"Attend the lords of France

and Burgundy, Gloucester. "

"I shall, my liege. "

Yes? "Meantime we shall

express our darker... "

"Meantime we shall

express our darker purpose. "

"Give me the map. "

Don't tell me, don't tell me,

I know it!

I'll ask for it if I need it.

I have played this

part before, you know.

"What do I fear?"

Wrong.

"Know we have divided in three. "

"Myself? There's none else by.

"True, I talk of dreams, which are

the children of a troubled brain. "

Wrong play, wrong play.

"Can this cockpit hold the vasty

fields of France?"

No, that's another wrong play.

"Men should be what they seem.

Macbeth shall sleep no more!

Now look what you've gone and done.

What?

Go out, go out.

You've quoted the Scottish play.

Did I? Macb...? Did I?

Oh, Christ. Out!

Turn round three times.

Two, three...

Right, knock.

Swear.

Pisspots.

KNOCKING:

BELL RINGS:

"And my poor fool is hang'd. "

You'll be all right.

FROM ANOTHER ROOM: Do we have

a full house?

Struggle, Bonzo.

Survival, P*ssy.

FROM OUTSIDE:
Beginners, please,

Act I.

Beginners, please, Sir. Thank you.

Let us descend

and survey the scene of battle.

AIR-RAID SIREN

The night I played my first

Lear there was a thunderstorm.

A real thunderstorm.

But now they send bombs.

How much more have I to endure?

We are to speak Shakespeare tonight

and they will go to any

lengths to prevent me.

I shouldn't take it

too personally, Sir.

LAUGHTER:

Bomb, bomb, bomb us

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