The Dresser Page #4

How then do we dispose our forces?

Mr Thornton is standing by

to play Fool.

And who as Oswald?

Mr Brown, I'm afraid.

That leaves me a knight short for

"reason not the need".

98 short, actually,

if you take the text as gospel.

One more or less won't seem

too upsetting.

Herr Hitler has made it

very difficult

for Shakespearean companies.

It'll be a chapter in the book, Sir.

I hate to mention it but we're going

to be short for the storm.

We've no-one to operate

the wind machine,

not if Mr Thornton is to play Fool.

Mr Thornton was ever

so good on the wind machine.

Madge knows the problem

but she's very unsympathetic.

You tell Madge from me I must

have the storm at full strength.

What about Oxenby?

Not the most amenable of gentlemen.

Send him to me at the half.

I'll have a word with him.

Better talk to Thornton, too.

There you are, you see?

That's more like it.

You're where you belong,

doing what you know best,

and you're yourself again.

Right, well, you start

doing your make-up and I'll go

and tell them to come and see you.

I've cleaned the wig and beard.

Shan't be a minute.

Oh, no, Sir! Not Othello!

The lines are fouled.

Up on your short, down on your long.

Is there a dead for it?

Instruct the puppeteer to

renew the strings.

The stuffing is

escaping at the seams,

straw from a scarecrow lies

scattered down, stage left.

I would have given anything to see

the play tonight.

There's you all blacked up

and Cordelia saying,

"You beget me, bred me, loved me. "

Well, the time has come,

if you don't mind my saying so,

to stop waxing poetical

and to wax a bit more practical.

KNOCKI NG:

Who?

Irene.

I've come for the triple crown.

Enter.

Good evening, Sir.

All well? Yes, thank you, Sir.

You've come for the triple crown.

Yes, Sir.

Polish it well. I like it gleaming.

Yes, Sir.

And return it to me

well before curtain up.

I like to wear it by the quarter.

Yes, Sir.

And when I have used it on stage,

see that it is returned to my room

after the interval.

She has done it before, Sir.

I like to be certain.

There it is, my child.

Pretty young thing, aren't you?

Thank you, Sir.

Sir, it's time to age.

They're all the same colour.

Which stick do I use?

I can't see the colours.

What now? How is he?

He'll be all right

if he's left in peace.

I want to see with my own eyes.

No, no, he is not to be disturbed.

And what about the understudies?

He knows all about it,

everything's in hand.

You realise now there's going to be

an audience out there.

It'd be a bit silly going through

all this if there wasn't.

Will he be ready on time?

Will he be well enough? Yes.

Madge, can I just, erm...?

Who was that?

Just a minion minioning.

Too many interruptions,

my concentration.

Norman. Yes, Sir?

How does the play begin?

Which play, Sir?

Tonight's, tonight's,

I cannot remember the first line.

"Attend the lords of France

and Burgundy, Gloucester. "

Yes, yes.

What performance is this?

Tonight will be your...

227th performance of the part, Sir.

227 Lears and I cannot remember

the first line.

Haven't we forgotten

something else, Sir?

If you don't mind my asking.

We have to sink our cheeks.

I shall look like this in my coffin.

And a broad straight line

of number 20 down the nose.

'Give you strength, you say. '

'Surgical spirit. '

'I know how to stick on a beard.

'I've been a depicter for 50 years. '

'I shall need a rest after

the storm scenes. '

'There's no need to tell me.

I know. '

'And shall we take extra care with

the wig join tonight?'

'I shall give them

a good one tonight. '

Norman! Yes, Sir?

What's the first line again? All this

clitter-clatter-chitter-chatter...

"Attend the lords of France

and Burgundy, Gloucester. "

You've put it out of my mind.

Keep silent when I'm dressing.

I have work to do,

hard bloody labour.

Sir, Sir. I cannot remember

the first line. 100,000 performances

and I have to ask you

for the first line.

Yes, I'll take you through it.

Take me through it?

Nobody takes you through it,

you're put through it,

night after night after night.

I haven't the strength.

And you're a fine one.

I must say, you of all people,

you disappoint me,

if you don't mind my saying so.

You, who always say that self-pity

is the most unattractive

quality on stage or off.

Who have you been working for

all these years?

The Ministry of Information?

Struggle and survival, you say,

that's all that matters.

The whole world's struggling for

bloody survival, so why can't you?

My dear Norman, I seem to have

upset you. I'm sorry.

I understand.

We cannot always be strong.

There is danger in

covering the cracks.

Never mind about

covering the cracks,

what about covering the wig join?

KNOCKING:

Half an hour, please, Sir. Already?

You were in late this evening, Sir.

She hasn't returned with

the triple crown.

I like it on my head by now.

Look! What?

My hands, they're shaking.

Well, they'll be very

effective in the part.

Don't forget to make them up.

I can't stop them. You do it.

Oh, oh, look here.

Look here, it must be infectious.

I can face the division

of my kingdom.

I can cope with Fool.

I can bear the reduction

of my retinue.

I can stomach the curses

I have to utter.

I can even face being

whipped by the storm.

But I dread the final entrance.

To carry my Cordelia...

dead, dead.

To cry like the wind,

howl, howl, howl.

To lay her gently on the ground,

to die.

Have I the strength?

If you haven't the strength,

no-one has.

You're a good friend, Norman.

Thank you, Sir.

You shall be rewarded.

Pardon me while I get my violin.

Do not mock me. I may not have long.

My father used to say that.

He lived till he was 93.

He may still be alive,

for all I know.

Bonzo, how do you feel?

A little more myself, P*ssy.

You see? Once he's assumed

the disguise, he's a different man.

"Egad, Madam,

thou hast a porcupine wit. "

And are you sure you're

able to go on?

On and on and on.

P*ssy, I thought

it was the black one tonight.

My dear.

Did I wake in the night, P*ssy?

Did I thank you

for watching over me?

Was there talk of violence?

No, Bonzo, you dreamt it.

I still have the feeling.

Would you like me to fetch the

cloak and tie it on as usual?

Yes, as usual.

Oh, erm, Mr Thornton and Mr Oxenby

are waiting outside to see you.

Would you like me

to ask them to come in?

I don't want to see Oxenby.

He frightens me.

Mind you, he was the best

lago I've ever had or seen

and I include that 4'6"

ponce Sir Arthur Palgrove.

That's more like the Sir

we know and love.

He went on playing Hamlet

till he was 68.

There were more lines on his face

than steps to the gallery.

I saw his Lear. I was pleasantly

disappointed. Sir Arthur Palgrove.

Who advises His Majesty,

answer me that?

You're a miracle-worker, Norman.

Thank you, Your Ladyship.

(Here's a piece of chocolate

for you.)

(Oh, thank you, Your Ladyship.)

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