The Dresser Page #3

cleaning your wig and beard,

washing your undies.

And what have you been up to, Sir,

if I may ask?

"Oh, I've been jumping on my hat,

Norman. "

Have you? Well, that's an odd thing

to do. May one ask why?

"Why what, Norman?"

Why have we been jumping

on our hat, Sir?

SIR GRUMBLES:

Shall we play I -Spy?

I spy with my little eye something

beginning with...

A.

I know you won't guess,

so I'll tell you.

A is for actor.

And actors have to work, and actors

have to put on their make-up

and change their frocks and then,

of course, actors have to act.

Good lord. Zounds, madam,

where dost thou get this knowledge?

From a baboon, sir,

that wandered wild in Eden.

Or words to that effect.

There's less than an hour to go

and you usually want more.

So, come on, shall we make a start?

Yes, it's me, Norman,

the one with the soulful eyes.

There.

Drink up. It's tea, not rat poison.

There you go, that's better,

isn't it? Isn't it?

Would you like a biccie?

I saved some from the mayor's

reception in Bridlington.

No?

Would you like one, Norman?

Ooh, I say.

Thank you, I will.

If you don't mind my saying so, Sir,

there seems little point

in discharging yourself

from hospital and then coming to

sit here like Niobe prior

to being turned into stone.

So, shall we make a start?

No, no, don't do that.

That's what I'm here for.

HE SOBS:

Ohh!

Oh, I know how it feels.

I had a friend,

worse than you, he was,

and all they ever wanted to do

with him was put him away.

And no-one should have to

go through that.

That's what my friend said.

You know they'll send you

to Colwyn Bay

and you never do any

business in Colwyn Bay.

And guess what got my friend well?

Sounds silly this.

An offer of work.

Can you understudy Scrubby?

Outward Bound, start Monday.

He discharged himself, just like

you, my friend did, took the train

up to London, found digs

in Brixton and never looked back.

What do you make of that?

An offer of work.

It meant that someone...

.. was thinking of him.

It was ever such a comfort.

And here's something

to cheer you up.

A full house tonight.

People thinking of you,

wanting to see you act.

Really? A full house?

Now, shall we make a start?

What play is it tonight?

King Lear, Sir.

That's impossible.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's nice, isn't it(?!)

People paying good money to see you

and you say "impossible".

Very nice indeed(!) I don't think.

I don't want to be seen.

Well, that's difficult

when you're playing King Lear

with the lighting you use.

I don't want to see her ladyship.

Oh, well, even more difficult

when she's playing your daughter.

You saw her a moment ago.

You were alone together.

Were we?

What play is it tonight?

King Lear, Sir.

Madge was wrong.

Yes, well, she often is.

I have been ill before this.

Did you ever see me in

The Corsican Brothers?

Ah, no. Alas, sir, before my time.

I went on with

double pneumonia then.

Apt when you're playing

the Corsican brothers.

I'd rather have

double pneumonia than this.

Than what?

What prevents me from packing up

and going home?

Why am I here

when I should be asleep?

Wasn't that a strange light

in Market Square this evening?

I don't remember

being in Market Square.

You've been missing whole days.

What do you remember?

Walking, walking, walking. If only

I could find a good, catchy title.

I think My Life a little plain,

don't you?

Still stuck, are we?

No, no. I wrote a little today.

Two or three sides

of an exercise book.

But I can't find a title.

Oh, well, we'll think of something.

See if it's still in my jacket.

And my reading glasses.

I thought I had written today.

No, well, you'll not see

much through those.

Well, look for me.

Is there anything?

Evidently not.

It cannot be Lear again.

Shall we start our make-up?

I'm getting out of here.

I'm not staying in this place

a moment longer.

I am surrounded by vipers,

betrayal on every side.

I am being crushed, the lifeblood

is draining out of me.

The load is too much.

Norman, Norman, if you have any

regard for me, don't listen to him.

Who? Who? More, more, more,

I cannot give any more.

I have nothing more to give.

I want a tranquil senility.

I'm an old man.

I don't want to go on painting

my face night after night

after night, dressing up in clothes

that are not my own,

I'm not a child dressing

up for charades.

This is my work, this is

my life's work, I'm an actor.

Who cares if I go out there tonight

or any other night

and shorten my life?

Shorten my life...

I don't care if there's only

three people out front,

or if the audience laughs

when they shouldn't, or don't

when they should, one person, just

one person will know and understand.

And I act for him.

I cannot move that which

cannot be moved.

What are we on about now?

I'm filled inside with stone.

Stone upon stone.

I cannot lift myself.

The weight is too much.

Oh, I know futility when I see it.

I dream at night of unseen hands

driving wooden stakes into my feet.

And the dream is long and graceless.

I awake, sweat-drenched, poisoned.

And the whole day long there is

a burning heat inside of me,

driving all else from my mind.

HE GRUNTS:

What did I do today?

You walked. You thought you wrote.

You went into Market Square.

And a woman kissed your hand

and said you were lovely

in The Corsican Brothers.

How do you know all this?

Has someone been talking?

I don't wish to hurry you, Sir.

No, I lie, I do.

I hate the swines. Who?

He's a hard task-master,

he drives me too hard.

I have too much to carry.

(Yes?)

I'd like to see him.

(I'd rather you didn't.)

It's my responsibility to take

the curtain up tonight.

There isn't much time.

(Things have reached

a delicate stage.)

What's all the whispering?

Nothing, nothing.

Has he begun to make-up yet? Not

yet. Do you realise how late it is?

They'll be calling

the half in a moment.

I know how late it is.

SIR HUMS A TUNE LOUDLY

Then on your head be it.

Oh, look! A dressing-gown!

Shall we put it on

and keep ourselves warm?

What does it matter where you were

or what you did today?

You're here in the theatre,

safe and sound, where you belong.

Another full house. Lovely.

Really? A full house?

They'll be standing in the gods.

Do you know they bombed

The Grand Theatre, Plymouth?

And much else of the city besides.

I made my debut

at The Grand Theatre, Plymouth.

They weren't to know.

I shouldn't have come out this

autumn but I had no choice.

He made me. Who?

I should have rested.

I had a friend that was

ordered to rest.

He obeyed

and that was the end of him.

He was ever so ill.

Nearly became a Catholic.

Right, now, would you like

a little rub-down?

I'm not surprised

you're feeling dispirited.

It's been ever such a hard time.

No young men to play juveniles and

the trouble with Mr Davenport-Scott.

What news of Mr Davenport-Scott?

The police have opposed bail. What?

Well, he'd had his second warning.

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