The Dukes of Hazzard: Reunion! Page #5

wildlife has a magical effect.

Because folks have always used

Hazzard swamp for serious courting.

It's been working for generations.

I just love this old swamp.

It's what got me interested

in ecology, Enos.

- You ever miss Hazzard?

-All the time...

...and all the good things I remember,

like you.

You have really changed.

Matured, I guess.

Yeah. Tangling with street gangs

tends to ripen you.

Anyway, you haven't changed, Daisy.

Oh, I have. A divorce,

been working my way through school.

Now, you've accomplished so much.

Just proves there's

more reasons to love you.

That's beautiful, Enos.

And now I've got a

confession to make, Daisy.

I didn't come back to Hazzard

for the reunion.

- You didn't?

ENOS:
No.

It's taken me 10 years of shootouts,

gang wars and a tour on the SWAT team...

...to get up the courage.

Daisy Duke, will you marry me?

Enos.

- Please don't say it's sudden, Daisy.

-Enos.

It's been going on

since the seventh grade.

I...

You make me so proud.

Enos.

- Oops. I'm sorry.

ENOS:
That's okay, Daisy. I'll find it.

- It's so unusual.

-Oh, it's just a little old diamond, Daisy.

No, this plant. it should be filicinae,

but there's no spore indication.

A subspecies. Enos, I think I--

Oh, I could've discovered

a whole new species.

I've gotta call the university

right this minute.

Oh, Daisy, it's been 32 years.

I can't wait here 32 more.

Enos, yes, of course.

Of course I'll marry you.

Now come on, let's hurry.

BALLADEER:
Now, I told

you that swamp was magical.

Now, Mama's boys,

who were getting more soil samples...

...Just happened to be watching.

RYKER:
Okay, they were right

in here. And then she bent over...

...dug something up, put it in a bag...

...and then they all got very excited

and ran away.

Gallium-arsenide ore.

She found it just like we did.

- That hick chick?

-ls studying for her doctorate in Ecology...

...you chauvinist ass.

If you went to the beauty parlor,

you'd know the gossip.

- Well, she found it just lying there?

-That's how we found it, just lying there.

We'll know for sure by what they do next.

[PHONE RINGS AND

FAX MACHINE WHIRRING]

What's it spitting out now?

It's a fax from the university

about that fern I found.

That machine is slicker than deer gut

on a door knob. I'll never understand it.

Listen, while we're waiting,

I've got something important to say.

JESSE:
All right.

-Enos has asked me to marry him.

JESSE:
He--?

-What?

- I said yes.

JESSE:
Well, dang on you. That's great.

You've been dangling that boy

since the seventh grade.

DAISY:
I know.

-Daisy, Enos Strate? Are you sure?

- Well, it's not like she doesn't know him.

-I always loved him.

I guess I didn't see it

because he was always there.

But I missed him a lot

and I've realized how much.

- When's the wedding?

-Saturday.

- This Saturday?

-We're racing.

At the finish line of the race. All Hazzard

will be there. We want everybody to come.

Well, she'll save on invitations.

[LAUGHING]

It'll be the biggest wedding

Hazzard has ever seen.

Oh.

- Where is Enos?

-Oh, he had to go home and lie down.

This'll be the biggest wedding

in the history of Hazzard county.

- That's a fact.

Congratulations.

I hope you all are

going to help me here.

- We'll be there.

-We'll do whatever you want.

Enos wants Rosco to marry us.

He gave him his start in police work.

And Bertha Jo Barlow

is gonna be my maid of honor.

[FAX MACHINE BEEPS]

- Bertha Jo.

-Yeah. That's as far as I've got.

You remember Bertha Jo. Threw you out

of the second-story window in third grade.

Cured my fear of heights.

LUKE:

Enos? Man.

I knew it. Look at this.

BALLADEER:
Now, y'all just witnessed

history:
The first fax to Hazzard.

ROSCO:
Environmental impact study.

DAISY:
Mm-hm.

Why, this is silly, Daisy.

Everybody in Hazzard knows

that the environment has no impact on us.

No, no, no, Rosco. What this means is that

you cannot develop the swamp...

...until you fill out this entire government

form. Which is gonna take you weeks.

What that means is I wouldn't

be signing any leases on Saturday.

Unless you'd like to face

a nice little federal investigation?

What investigation?

What do you mean. investigation?

LUKE:
We'll see you.

BO:
Thank you, Rosco.

- Oh, Rosco?

-What?

Could you rush our marriage license

through the county clerk's office?

- Why? Who's getting married?

-Daisy and me, sir.

Saturday, and since you're now

the justice of the peace...

...we want you to perform the ceremony.

- We sure do.

-Well, I guess I could.

- Thank you, Rosco.

-Thank you, sheriff. We appreciate it.

- Well, that's-

-Thank you a lot.

That's all right, you dipstick.

Well, Mama always said that...

...Enos would find a wife before I do.

[BABBLING]

So? Lose the form.

Like, misfile it.

And when they ask you,

tell them it's been misfiled.

Have them make out another form for you.

Haven't you dealt with the government?

Well, no, yeah--

Are you kidding? Misfile it?

MAX:
Yes.

-Oh, now, see that's brilliant.

That's the reason

I like working with you, Mama Jo.

- You're a real pro.

-Thank you.

- Sorry, I misfiled it.

-Right.

I'm sorry.

I misfiled it.

So now we know.

Daisy Duke did find gallium ore.

Last thing we need is the Dukes telling

somebody or the feds snooping around.

- We've got to do something about Daisy.

-Yeah.

Ryker, tell your boys we're doing

another Adirondacks caper.

- We still got guys serving time for that.

-Shut up!

I don't think that's a good--

I don't wanna hear that.

Look, this assayer's report says...

...it is one of the richest samples

of gallium arsenide ever.

In Hazzard swamp. And they can't make

super-computer chips without it.

We're talking money by the megaton.

- Now, take care of Daisy.

-Yeah, yeah.

[RINGING]

BALLADEER:
That afternoon, Bertha Jo

was moving up again in the prelims.

But, boss-- I mean, sheriff, boss,

I can't hit a woman.

- Of course you can. You can whip her.

-You think so?

Of course. She's littler than you are.

Cletus...

...the entire manhood of Hazzard's

in your hands.

- Now, get in there.

-Yes, sir.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[BELL RINGING]

How was that?

BERTHA JO:

Oh, my gosh.

[SQUEALING]

- The maid of honor? When?

-Saturday, after the race.

[SQUEALING]

BALLADEER:

That probably means yes.

DAISY:
Three tiers: chocolate,

lemon, vanilla. Vanilla for Uncle Jesse.

- He loves that vanilla.

-He loves it.

- Enough for everybody in Hazzard.

-I got it.

- I gotta go sew my dress.

-What do you think about this?

- I love it. I'm really get married, aren't I?

-Uh-huh.

Okay, I gotta go. Thank you.

SARA JANE:

Don't forget your sewing machine.

DAISY:
If I forgot anything,

just add it on.

SARA JANE:
Bye.

DAISY:
Take care.

SARA JANE:

Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

[GASPING]

[MEN GRUNTING]

MAN 1:
Get her in the van.

MAN 2:
Come on, man, get her bag.

MAN 1:

Let's go. Hurry up, hurry up.

MAN 2:
Let's go.

MAN 3:
Step on it.

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