The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning Page #2

and fix the fence,

feed the chickens and bale some hay.

So, we work, what, all the time?

No, well, not all the time.

You get four solid hours of sleep.

And remember,

Annabelle can't inseminate herself.

God!

Nothing like a good day's rest

after an honest day's work.

Unless, of course,

you're planning your escape.

Vintage Luke Duke.

Sneaking off without me again?

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm 10, you're 11. The nurses' school.

The nurses.

You didn't want to climb that tree.

You wanted to map it out, draw

a diagram, take a course in tree climbing,

but I convinced you.

What did you see?

I saw boobies.

Big boobies, little boobies,

classy boobies, I saw a feast of boobies.

The Thanksgiving Day Parade of boobies.

And did you thank me?

Thank you.

No, you heard someone coming

and you got down.

I've had a lifetime of boobies.

But I will never, ever forget

you leaving me.

Six years ago, all right? I was a little kid.

Sweet ride.

Uncle Jesse's friends with a pimp?

Boss Hogg.

- That man knows how to live.

- That's business.

Money, power, probably got a hot wife.

Definitely no farmer.

Yeah.

The Boar's Nest is kicking! It's

an election year. Put that on, dumpling.

- Here you go, darling.

- Oh, thank you.

I'm going in.

Bo, don't... Bo!

Boys.

Hi, fellas.

- What is this place?

- I don't know.

But four slices of a sex pie

just walked right through that door.

I think they need a little scoop of Bo

on top.

Whoa! Where do you think

you boys are going?

We're with them.

Okay. Thank you.

Nice sleeves.

No place for minors

is definitely a place for us.

- There's got to be another way in.

- Let's go.

- Whoa, ladies.

- Yeah.

- Well, what have we got here?

- Let me know.

- Okay.

- Bye.

Hello, folks, how you doing?

How are you doing?

- How y'all doing?

- You called my mother a what?

Not gonna take that.

- Look at that.

- There you go. Great shot.

J.D. Hogg is in the house.

Hey, now,

they're fighting over you, there, Joanne.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey. You wanna piece of him,

you better take a piece of me.

It's locked.

- I'm going this way.

- Wait up.

Boss Hogg's prize boar Dainty.

Three time state champ

and a close second in J.D.'s heart,

after his wife Lulu.

It's Hogg's hog.

Stay. Sit.

- So, how's Lulu?

- Expensive.

My wife's got a jewelry habit that'd

make a crack whore look sensible.

Lucky you're the richest guy

in Hazzard, huh?

Yeah. It's good enough

for a county commissioner.

But what about the future?

Governor Hogg.

President Hogg. Prime Minister Hogg.

- Well, I ain't much into politics.

- These things cost big bucks.

Seems my temporary blindness

to your illegal activities

- should be worth more like 10%.

- Oh, it is.

- Undying friendship.

- Which is nice.

But I'm thinking more like 25%.

Well, I ain't making a lot of money

out there selling shine.

I'm paying a few bills,

but I ain't getting rich.

Which brings me to my next proposal.

It's high time we expand

your little operation, sell abroad.

I ain't selling no broads.

- That's good.

- Yeah.

Yeah. No, I'm talking

about neighboring counties.

I can't afford to go to jail.

I've got three young'uns that I'm raising.

You're thinking small, Jesse.

We could be partners.

Rich as rich, chocolatey Ovaltine.

I really don't think it's right that

I cut you in after you've been elected.

- It's kind of like bribery, don't you think?

- It is bribery, Jesse.

What the hell you think

we've been doing out there,

selling cotton candy to nuns?

One way or the other,

I'm gonna get my money.

You got two weeks, then I'm sending

Rosco out to foreclose on the farm.

No more slipping on payments.

- Hey, where did she go?

- Who?

Who?

Come on, we'll save you, Dainty.

Hang on, girl.

Come on.

No, no. Hold on. Come on.

Oh, no.

- Would you pull, Bo?

- That is... What did she eat?

Dainty!

Dainty!

Did you meet my nephews over there,

Bo and Luke?

Y'all better pray my girl survives.

Two weeks and your farm is mine.

Dukes have been living and dying

on this farm for 150 years.

Great Grandpa Duke built this

out of a bucket of nails and a rock.

My pa died sitting in that chair

right where you are, Luke.

Shat himself

and then went gently into the night.

God rest his soul.

Hell, I was born right here on this table.

Mama's water broke, I popped out there

like a log ride at a water park.

I can't lose my home.

Look, I'll get a job at the Boar's Nest.

And I'll crack open some shine

to settle our nerves.

Can't wait for that tasty beverage.

You ain't never drinking that shine.

You hear me?

Now, J.D.'s mad.

And that stunt y'all pulled

with the flying pig didn't help none.

And he's gonna collect.

And I couldn't make enough shine

and still have time to run it

and cover the loan.

No. But we could.

Hell, yeah. We could run it.

Us working together,

we'd come up with the money.

No, your folks sent y'all down here

to be good men,

not to be shine runners.

And if you get throwed in jail,

you could be there a long time.

Listen, Uncle Jesse.

We don't have a choice.

All we have is two weeks.

- If we sell enough...

- And we're quick enough...

You don't have to worry

about Boss Hogg again.

We're Dukes. This is our farm, too.

- And no one's taking it from us.

- It ain't a bad idea, Uncle Jesse.

All we need is...

- A fast car.

- Yeah.

There's an old saying

that the journey of a thousand miles

begins with a single step.

Sometimes those steps can be blocked

by a bunch of annoying little girls.

- Hello, tiny girls.

- Excuse me, ladies.

Have any of you adorable little tykes seen

a super-charged,

high performance, V-8 engine

laying around here anywhere?

Look, we're 9, what do you want from us?

Oh, that's it. Come here. Come here.

Oh, you hide behind those pigtails

and those braces, come on. Come on.

Man, that guy's an idiot.

She ain't worth it.

Yeah. She's lucky you won't beat up

anything under 10.

She's lucky I got standards.

A gasoline bomb just detonated

in my heart.

- Who are they?

- The Handy sisters.

Brooke and Ali. Look, those girls

have reps for doing anything.

- Stay away.

- Oh, definitely.

Definitely gonna stay away

from the girls who'll do anything.

Sound advice. I'm gonna go talk to them.

Who needs to talk when you got

a blonde river on your head?

- Bo, let me talk to them.

- Blonde river.

- Talk.

- Blonde river.

Hello, up there.

- Hey, y'all.

- Hi.

Yeah. I'm Luke. Cousin Bo.

- Charmed.

- Seriously?

Thanks.

That is awesome.

Fellas.

We gotta go.

We got some business to attend to.

We do?

We do. It was nice chatting with you.

Come on.

So, they set out to find the perfect car.

Starting at the high school,

where kids learn reading, writing

and the real meaning of third base.

There's only one guy I know

who is a genius with cars.

Are sure, Daisy? I mean, we need

a serious garage, not some high school.

They might cut home economics

and the debate squad,

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