The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning Page #3

but there's always room in the budget

for shop class in Hazzard.

How come boys never notice me?

'Cause you're dressed like a lady golfer

who likes to swoon lady bikers.

No, he's kidding. You're more of

a lady construction worker on her day off.

So, where is this engine whiz

you've been talking about?

Somebody call my name?

Hey. Hey.

- Daisy Duke.

- Cooter.

These are my cousins, Bo and Luke.

Pleasure to meet you,

Sweet Innocent and Dark Mystery.

Just nicknames. Take 'em or leave 'em.

My stars. That is real nice.

Hey, I'll bet that breathes real good,

doesn't it?

- Are you the shop teacher?

- Hell, no. I'm a student.

- Daisy tells us you know cars.

- Cars? Yes.

Look at this baby.

Math and history? No.

A high school diploma remains

just out of reach.

Lord willing and the creek don't rise,

they'll let me be a senior a fourth time.

There's still much work to be done here.

- We need something reliable.

- Something with speed.

Speed I can do.

My trademark? Horns.

That song needs work.

Okay, you want something

a little more edgier, then?

What do you say,

we test drive this sucker, huh?

Well, sh*t. I'll try anything once.

Except guy-on-guy. I'm just kidding.

I'd try that.

All right. Come on.

I got the perfect place to open her up.

Watch out. Watch your back.

Coming through.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

- Whoa!

- Look out, man.

Coming through. Bo Duke.

You're gonna kill us, Bo.

Here's a little reminder that we live

in the greatest country on the planet.

Oh, man.

Hello, ladies.

Oh, you missed a spot.

Hey!

Please don't touch that!

Get back and help me.

Bo, you can't go there.

Don't be driving down the halls like that.

You can't be driving

down the halls like that.

Slow down. Pull that thing over.

Oh, no. Oh, man.

- Well, I could jump it.

- It?

Her. It.

Whatever. I can jump it.

Hot damn.

I ain't seen moves like that since a tornado

touched down in Miss Lally's class

and ended the evolution debate

once and for all.

- Hey, Enos.

- Cooter.

- Are you mixed up with them?

- Like a mixed romaine salad

topped with vinaigrette and pecans.

- Hi, Enos.

- Hi, Daisy.

Looks like you got manhandled.

Actually, it was the JV cheerleading

squad. Thank God it wasn't varsity.

Listen, Enos. My cousins are new in town.

Maybe, as my friend, you can let them go.

Just this once.

Oh, sure, Daisy. For you.

Let's get you back together.

They don't teach you about cheerleaders

in training you to be a hall monitor.

I'd say you can handle that engine, Cooter.

Yeah?

Now all we need is the perfect body.

Boys, I feel like I've been failing

my whole life for this moment.

Come on. I know a place. Hop in.

The county junkyard.

Yep. You might see

nothing but piles of junk,

but these boys see warm dollops of clay

ripe for sculpting into greatness.

What are you looking for, Buddha?

My gut is gonna tell me

when I've found the right car.

All right, don't question me on this

and I won't question you on being a virgin.

All right, who told you that, huh?

I want names, addresses, phone numbers,

next of kin.

'Cause I've slept

with thousands of women.

Oh, well, that's smart in this day and age.

Well, we're all virgins

till we've been with the one that we love.

Well, that's good. Except I ain't a virgin.

Virginity ain't a crime, now.

Except in the State of Bo.

Watch this.

I'm okay.

What's with sliding across the hood.

Why would I waste my time

walking all the way around the car?

Think, Luke.

You're supposed to be the smart one.

I'm the good-looking one.

I know the right car is here somewhere.

Bo.

I admire his passion, but that boy is crazy.

Well, what do you say we call it a day?

Go cool off. Get some smoothies.

I know a place.

- All right.

- Come on, big guy.

Boys, welcome to Hogg's Ravine.

- Is there anything Hogg doesn't own?

- Nope.

But one day,

I'm gonna open up my own garage.

Cooter's Garage.

It'll have my name on it.

Boss ain't gonna own that.

Hey, what's on the other side

of the ravine?

Factory for Hogg's ice cream.

- Hogg makes ice cream?

- Yup, yup, yup. I never had any,

but I heard

the peach melba's absolutely outrageous.

Anyway, no one's allowed over there.

Road's all gated up.

Boss is very protective of his recipe.

Hey, boys.

Sunny-side up or over easy?

Call it in the air.

I've always been a breast man.

Okay, you take the rack, I'll take the back.

Watch and learn, Luke. Watch and learn.

Ladies, do me.

Hey, girls, watch me.

- Why you got to go and do that?

- I like it.

- Anybody ever dive in there?

- Sometimes.

I'll be dipped.

You said people dive in here all the time.

I thought it was safe.

Oh, no, hell, no.

I said sometimes people dive.

Most of the time they end up crippled or

- on life support or brain damaged.

- Oh, man.

Just depends.

Oh, man. I'm coming for you, Luke.

Come on. Don't die on me, now.

You'd think Bo'd be under water

looking for his drowning cousin.

But it's hard to think

about your loved ones

when you've found a sunken treasure.

Breathe.

Score one for Cooter.

There is a car down there.

Thanks for saving me, Bo.

It's a '69 Dodge Charger.

Well, I'll be mud on a frog's back.

Hey, back in my pop's day, they used to

dare each other to jump the ravine.

Some stupid son of a b*tch tried.

- Sounds like he didn't make it.

- Nobody can. It's impossible.

Car must not be that hot, neither.

No. That is the car. I can feel it.

It just hasn't found the right driver yet.

It's from the Civil War.

What's your lucky number, Bo?

One.

Ain't that just about

the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

That car kicks so much ass

it should have feet.

- Why you gotta go and do that?

- Because it's cool.

You sure you don't want me

to weld your side shut?

- No.

- All right.

- Ready, coz?

- Ready, coz.

All right, boys, listen.

This little baby here... Oh, sorry.

That's mechanic talk.

This car, well, it's got enough parts,

it'd make the Pentagon wet.

All right? Break it in nice and easy.

Race you.

Go, Bo!

I'm not gonna see that car for a while,

am I?

I don't think so.

Oh, my goodness.

I wanna paint. I wanna sail.

I wanna help old people and children.

But most of all, I wanna drive this car

right through the sound barrier.

Oh, my God.

Bo just discovered religion and Cooter.

Cooter, you're his prophet.

Thank you, man.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- It's okay, pal.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry today.

Look at me.

You're an honorary Duke now, Cooter.

You know, when I was a Ridge Runner

moving shine and leaving them cops

choking in my dust,

we used to name our cars after generals.

Oh, well, then, this should be named

after the greatest of all.

General Lee.

You know, running shine is a lot

like knowing how to kill a man

with your thumb 12 ways.

It ain't really that hard

once you know how,

but you got to practice at it.

You can kill a man with your thumb?

Forget that part.

Here's what you got to remember.

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