The End of the Tour Page #8

BETSY:

Hi.

LIPSKY:

Nice to meet you.

DAVID:

Betsy and I went to grad school

together, in Tucson.

LIPSKY:

Nice. (to Julie) How do you know

David?

DAVID:

She wrote me a fan letter.

JULIE:

I did, I was the books editor at City

Pages and I wrote him a fan letter,

that’s right.

DAVID:

Julie has worked with a whole lot of

writers

JULIE:

So I’m discriminating.

DAVID:

Exactly. And we discovered that we

actually kind of like each other as

people.

JULIE:

Indeed.

DAVID:

That’s how I met Jon Franzen: I wrote

him a fan letter. Writers are

pushovers when it comes to flattery.

You could try it sometime.

66 INT. BOOKSTORE/MANAGER'S OFFICE - ST PAUL - 1996 - NIGHT 66

The room, crammed with books and an old sofa, doubles as a

kind of “green room” for visiting writers.

44.

MARTHA CAVENAUGH, the shop manager, a robust earth-mother who

loves books and her job, offers cookies to Julie, Betsy,

Lipsky and Patty while David looks over his reading

selection.

MARTHA:

You sure I can’t get you something to

drink?

DAVID:

Do you have any artificial spit?

Everyone laughs, perhaps a little too heartily.

DAVID:

No, it’s an actual pharmaceutical

product. Zero-Lube.

LIPSKY:

Really? Artificial saliva?

DAVID:

Yeah, but it’s way better ‘cause it

lubricates. You don’t get that clicky

sound you do with dry mouth.

He demonstrates.

MARTHA:

I’ll have to remember that.

DAVID:

Next tour, I bring a case.

MARTHA:

In the meantime, what can I get you?

DAVID:

Water? No ice?

Martha goes to fetch it.

Lipsky and Betsy.

LIPSKY:

Are you a fiction writer, too?

BETSY:

I’m a poet, actually.

LIPSKY:

Oh, wow.

45.

BETSY:

Just got my first poem published inthe Kenyon Review.

Really!

LIPSKY:

Wow! Congratulations!

David observes Lipsky chatting animatedly with Betsy,

disapproval registering on his face.

66A INT. HUNGRY MIND BOOKSTORE - ST PAUL - 1996 - LATER 66A

Martha leads them to the side of the podium. On the move:

DAVID:

I don’t mean to be a prima donna, but

I’d really prefer it if we didn’t have

a Q & A.

MARTHA:

Of course. Whatever you feel mostcomfortable with.

DAVID:

It’s always stuff like “Where do youget your ideas?” (to Lipsky) From a

Time-Life subscription series for$17.95 a month.

Lipsky and Martha laugh.

MARTHA:

It’s show time!

Martha goes to the podium.

DAVID:

(to Lipsky) It’s all downhill from

here.

MARTHA:

This is the very last stop on his booktour and we’re very lucky to have him!

Ladies and gentlemen... Would youwelcome to the Hungry Mind... David.

Foster. Wallace!

The packed audience applauds enthusiastically.

watches as David approaches the podium.

Lipsky

66D INT. HUNGRY MIND BOOKSTORE - ST PAUL - 1996 - LATER 66D

A long line of excited book buyers wait their turn. Seated

at a table, David signs one and hands it to a YOUNG WOMAN.

46.

DAVID:

There you go.

The young woman looks at it with bemusement.

YOUNG WOMAN:

What is that supposed to be, a

computer?

DAVID:

What? No. It’s a smiley face. See?

YOUNG WOMAN:

Ohhh...

DAVID:

If you want, I could put Wite-Out over

it...

YOUNG WOMAN:

That’s okay.

DAVID:

You sure? It’s your book...

Lipsky, in ad-libbed conversation with Betsy and Julie,

observes from the sidelines.

Back to David. A NERDY GUY pulls out the Vintage paperback

copy of The Broom of the System.

DAVID:

Oh no. That old thing?

NERDY GUY:

Do you mind...?

DAVID:

Eh, the new one’s better.

The guy plunks down a copy of Infinite Jest, too.

DAVID:

Now we’re talkin’.

The guy laughs as David sees Lipsky laughing with Julie and

Betsy and is threatened by it. Lipsky sees David looking at

them and smiles; David ominously doesn’t return the smile.

He turns instead to the next customer.

DAVID:

Who’s next?

47.

67 INT. I-HOP - ST PAUL - 1996 - NIGHT 67

David and Lipsky are dining out on pancakes with Julie and

Betsy. Laid-back, improvisational. It’s toward the end of

the meal.

DAVID:

I couldn’t be plain old “Dave Wallace”

‘cause there were “Dave Wallaces” all

over the place. And “David Raines

Wallace” wrote for The New Yorker.

That’s when Fred Hill asked me what my

middle name was and decided that was

what my name was gonna be.

LIPSKY:

This is literally the worst superhero

origin story.

DAVID:

I didn’t claim it was an origin

story...

BETSY:

Dave, remember in Tucson, that

professor you kind of locked horns

with?

DAVID:

My nemesis who shall remain nameless?

I think I was kind of a prick. But so

was he. I was just unteachable. I

mean, I don't think I was actively

unpleasant in class.

BETSY:

You were pretty unpleasant. Well, I

loved it. (to Lipsky) He was

pleasantly unpleasant.

DAVID:

Well, I’ve got to get up

unconscionably early for this public

radio interview, so we’d better...

LIPSKY:

Which means that I have to get up

early, too.

DAVID:

You can do whatever the f*** you want.

Sleep in if you want to.

David’s mercurial attitude toward him unnerves Lipsky.

48.

JULIE:

We’ll get you back to the hotel.

They settle up the check.

LIPSKY:

I will get the check. This one is on

me.

DAVID:

Well, it’s on Jann.

JULIE:

“Jann?”

DAVID:

Jann is his boss.

JULIE:

Mr. Rolling Stone.

68 I/E. JULIE'S CAR/DOWNTOWN SKYLINE - ST. PAUL - 1996 - NIGHT 68

Julie at the wheel; Betsy in the passenger seat. David and

Lipsky are in the backseat smoking, each blowing smoke out of

their respective windows. Spirits high, they sing along with

the Alanis Morissette song “You Oughta Know” on the radio.

JULIE:

Can you close the windows,

pleaaasssse, it’s f***ing freezing!

LIPSKY:

Oh but this is our hypothermia smoking

tour of the Midwest.

Julie and Betsy laugh. David does not.

BETSY:

“Hypothermia smoking tour.” I love

that!

LIPSKY:

Oh, thank you.

BETSY:

Sounds like something Dave would say.

DAVID:

(to himself) Doesn’t it.

David doesn’t like that Lipsky amused his friends with a DFW-

like joke - and Lipsky senses tension.

49.

69 EXT. HOTEL WHITNEY/VALET AREA - MINNEAPOLIS - 1996 - NIGHT 69

Julie’s car pulls up and deposits the Davids.

JULIE:

What are you doing tomorrow after your

interview?

DAVID:

Don’t know yet.

JULIE:

Give us a call, okay?

BETSY:

We’re here.

Ad-libbed “Good night”s all around. Julie and Betsy drive

away and David and Lipsky enter the hotel.

LIPSKY:

That was nice.

DAVID:

Yeah. I’m hungry.

LIPSKY:

Still?

70 INT. HOTEL WHITNEY/DAVID'S ROOM - MINNEAPOLIS - 1996 - NIGHT 70

CAMERA pans M n M’s and candy wrappers: The detritus of a nonalcoholic

mini-bar snack attack.

LIPSKY:

How does that feel? People fighting

to get in, big line of people who want

to impress you...

We find David and Lipsky in twin beds, facing each other,

talking like college roommates pulling an all-nighter.

DAVID:

I’ll tell you - having an audience

with really really pretty girls who

are paying attention to you, and like

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