The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain Page #2

So who-- who decides

on British maps ?

Mr. Davies,

now this in confidence.

- They`re saying--

- What, the English ?

Yes ! They`re saying that

it must be over 1,000 feet.

Really ! l`d imagined

5,000 was the standard.

But how high is Ffynnon Garw ?

ls it over a thousand ?

Over two thousand ?

A thousand ? l`d always imagined

it was a few hundred.

Oh, dear. Oh, and l thought

you were an educated man.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

[ Grandfather ] The first mountain

in Wales.

Yes, it is something we have

boasted about since time immemorial.

We didn`t have the biggest mountains

of the North...

nor the beautiful mountains

of mid-Wales,

but we could claim that we lived

in the shadow of the first mountain...

inside the Welsh border.

These mountains

have defeated every invader.

This is where

the Britons fled...

when they were invaded

by the Romans, the Angles,

the Saxons, the Vikings,

the Normans.

Oh, yes, they all invaded

this island of Britain,

but they`ve never

taken the mountains from us.

They`ve never taken

ancient Britain.

[ Chuckles ] My God. Those last

stretches are steeper than they look.

- Yeah.

- l hardly think that

your pedometer reading...

will be much use.

Uh, well, not much,

but, uh, nevertheless--

So, can you see either

of our checkpoints from here ?

Uh,

n-no.

But l can see

those two men again.

SngSng [ Faint Singing ]

Rather ominous. Reminds me

of surveying Abyssinia in `88.

- [ Men Chattering ]

- [ Morgan ] Come on, boys.

Any more bets ?

This may be your last chance.

[ Man ] 2,300.

2,300.

For Williams the Petroleum.

Good man, good man.

Right, Anson.

Oh, uh, well,

same as you,

l imagine.

Mmm, yes.

More or less.

Good.

The very men we need.

Mr. Garrad, sir.

Settle our bet.

How high is our mountain ?

l`m sorry.

l can`t say yet.

We`ve only just done

the first recce.

You must have some idea.

Well, nothing accurate

as yet, l`m afraid.

- Good night.

- Night.

- [ Men Murmuring ]

Uh, look.

l may be wrong, but after 25 years

of doing this sort of thing, l doubt it.

l would say about 930 feet.

Gentlemen.

- 930 ?

- 930 ?

[ Dog Barking ]

- [ Knocking ]

- Come in.

- Mr. Anson !

- Oh, Mr. Morgan.

Yes. Perhaps you can help.

Do you know, um, who those two gentlemen

down there in the street are ?

They`ve been

following us all day.

[ Morgan ] Thomas Twp

and Thomas Twp Too. Local farmers.

They`re not quite

with it-- touched.

- Oh.

- Stupid. Twp.

That`s Thomas Twp on the left

and his brother, Thomas Twp.

- Sorry ?

- Oh, he`s Thomas Twp Too.

- He is.

- Or is it the other way round ?

W-Well, whichever. Tha-That`s fine.

lt was just they were, um--

-We were beginning to get a bit worried.

-Oh, quite harmless.

Now l think

l can safely say...

l`m speaking on behalf of all

of my patrons-- villagers to a man--

when l say l feel--

we feel--

that your Mr. Garrad`s done a pretty

shoddy job measuring Ffynnon Garw,

which is, to any trained eye,

a mountain.

- Beg your pardon ?

- Oh. Accepted.

No, no, no, no. l mean-- Sorry.

l-l`m not quite following what you--

930 feet, man ?

l hope he doesn`t intend sticking to

this obviously euphonious measurement.

No, th-th-the thing is,

Mr. Morgan, we haven`t really

measured, um, your mountain yet.

We`ve merely made a preliminary

reconnoitre, which has yielded

a very approximate figure.

[ All ] Click, click,

click, click, click.

- All the way to the top.

- That`s it ?

- Yep.

- Well, no wonder they

bloody got it wrong.

[ Men Laughing ]

And then finally, um, we`ll make

measurements using... this.

Uh, b-but

to use this thing,

which we call

the transit,

we have to be able to clearly

view the summits of Newton

Beacon and Whitchurch Hill.

- But they`re not mountains.

- No, they`re not mountains,

Mr. Morgan. They`re not.

But Her Majesty`s

Ordnance Survey of 1887...

established their heights

and the distance between them...

and the distance between them

and Ffynnon Garw.

And, and, and, um,

given those measurements,

we, we should be able to ascertain

the true height of Ffynnon--

Uh, this elevation.

Ah, so you`re saying

it probably isn`t 930 feet.

Well, l`d be very surprised if today`s

measurement was accurate, yes.

Ah, good.

Well, l`ll see you in the bar then.

Yes, yes, yes.

You should bear in mind, Mr. Morgan,

that your, uh, mountain-- whatever--

may very well be more than 930 feet.

- Yes !

- But it may also be less.

[ All ] Less ?

- [ Men Muttering ]

- No !

[ Grandfather ] All this fuss.

Over what ?

ls it a hill ?

ls it a mountain ?

Perhaps it wouldn`t matter

anywhere else, but this is Wales.

The Egyptians built pyramids.

The Greeks built temples.

But we did none of that

because we had mountains.

Yes, the Welsh

were created by mountains.

Where the mountain starts,

there starts Wales.

lf this isn`t a mountain--

Well, if this isn`t a mountain,

then Anson might just as well

redraw the border...

and put us all in England,

God forbid.

[ Morgan ] Good morning, Thomas,

and Thomas.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- What can l do you for ?

We`ve come to see the men

who are measuring the mountain.

Well, uh, hello.

This is Mr. Garrad,

and, um, my name`s Anson.

And as you can see,

we are terribly busy.

This is my brother, Thomas Twp,

and l am Thomas Twp Too.

We`ve no learning,

and most people say we`re twp.

But we`re not so twp as to

not know that we`re twp.

Well, how novel.

lt was very nice to meet you.

We would like to know how you intend

to measure the mountain.

We would like to watch, and we`d

be happy to help carry your rule.

Really ? Well, thank you.

That`s splendid.

They don`t call them

twp for nothin`.

[ Garrad ] Good God.

[ Speaking Welsh ]

Thomas, l`m not

altogether happy...

about you carrying

this equipment for the English.

Are you suitably

rewarded ?

l don`t know, sir,

but l`ll put it down.

- Morning.

- Morning.

We`re for the historical

measurement.

Have you met

the Reverend Jones ?

N-N-No, no.

How do you do ?

You`ll do your best now,

l`m sure, hmm ?

- Well ?

- What`s the result ?

[ Garrad ] Please. We have

hours of calculations ahead of us.

l`m afraid you`ll have to be

a little patient, but, uh,

we should know this evening.

Now, excuse me,

gentlemen.

Oh. Thank you.

Please be careful.

- And how do you know later ?

- Well, we`ve made measurements

with those two hills,

and we already know the height

of Newton Beacon and Whitchurch Hill.

- But how were they measured ?

- The same way. By comparing

them with other hills.

But who measured

the first hill ?

Well...

God, my boy. God !

[ Grandfather ] That night, the pub

did big business...

as all gathered

to hear the result.

All except Reverend Jones,

of course,

who wouldn`t step into

such a den of iniquity.

[ Men Chattering ]

- Same again ?

- No, l wish to change my bet.

- You can`t do that.

- Well, then, l wish

to place another one.

[ Chattering Stops ]

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