The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain Page #3

- Feeling any better ?

- No.

No, l`ve got a shocking headache.

l think l should lie down.

Do you, um, want me

to tell them then ?

That`s a splendid idea, although it

really should be me. On the other hand,

this might be a good chance for you

to get practice talking to the natives.

- You don`t know when it might be handy.

- Mmm. Yes, of course.

- 980 feet.

- Ah-ah !

Objection ''substained.''

l`m not takin` any bets

under a thousand feet.

- Traitor.

- Traitor ?

[ Speaking Welsh ]

Are you sure you haven`t got

any English blood in you ?

- Any result ?

- No !

They`re not going

to like it very much, are they ?

No. All the same,

these figures are science.

And what is science,

Mr. Anson ?

l always forget that one,

don`t l ?

- Oh, come on.

- Um, science is dispassionate.

Exactly.

- [ Chattering ]

- Ahem. Ahem !

[ Chattering Stops ]

Oh. Evening.

-Well, Mr. Morgan, with your permission.

-Mm-hmm.

Gentlemen. Um, we have now...

[ Bumps Head, Chuckles ]

completed the,

uh, survey of, um,

[ Mispronouncing ]

Ffynnon Garw...

and, um, l have to inform you

that it is...

984 feet.

- What ?

- [ Men Exclaiming ]

Now l-l-l realize that this

may be a disappointment to you,

um, but l would ask you to remember

that it is just a measurement...

and in no way should detract from the

beauty of, or indeed your affection for,

this, uh, uh--

[ Stammering ]

H-Hill.

Thank you.

- Hill ?

- [ Men Chattering ]

A result ?

Tell me. Do they have a result ?

lt`s a... hill.

[ Whispering ]

A hill.

Ohh.

Perhaps it would have been different

if there hadn`t been a war,

but this was 1917, and

people were exhausted by loss.

Those that were allowed to stay

manned the pits,

mining the coal

that would fuel the ships.

Twenty-four hours a day

they labored.

Corners were cut.

Coal was hacked hastily,

and those who survived

the trenches died for the coal.

lt was a sad time.

Our friends had been taken,

our sons, our husbands.

A once-close community

was slowly bein` destroyed.

How could we face those who survived

if they returned to find no mountain ?

While they had fought the Germans, we

had lost the mountain to the English ?

Our village had been ruined, and now

they were takin` our mountain...

and our Welshness.

- Meeting in the village hall.

- Meeting in the village hall !

Meeting in

the village hall !

[ Panting ]

Reverend Jones...

is assembling a meeting

in the village hall.

- Now !

- What does that old coot

think he`s gonna do ?

- Raise the mountain ?

- He`s gonna organize

an official complaint.

Come on, boys.

Were you comin` ?

A complaint ?

[ Townspeople Chattering ]

Thank you, thank you,

thank you.

Look, l propose

a petition...

demanding the inclusion

of Ffynnon Garw...

as the first mountain

in Wales,

to be included on all

of His Majesty`s maps.

And who`s gonna read this petition ?

Huh ? Who`s going to agree ?

- l don`t think l need any advice

from you, Mr. Morgan.

- l haven`t finished.

l haven`t finished yet.

l don`t want Ffynnon Garw

to be on the map...

because we begged for it,

because we-- we pleaded.

No ! lf Ffynnon Garw

has to be a thousand feet,

then l say

let it be a thousand feet !

Twenty feet !

That`s all we need !

A 20-foot tump

and we have our mountain.

- l`m not sure how legal that is.

- Yes. Or ethical.

''Legal'' ? ''Ethical'' ?

How legal was it to say that

a thousand feet is a mountain...

and 984 isn`t, huh ?

Do we call a short man a boy

or, or, or a small dog a cat ?

- [ Laughing ]

- No !

This is a mountain--

our mountain--

and if it needs to be

a thousand feet, then by God,

let`s make it a thousand feet.

l would prefer it,

Mr. Morgan,

if you did not take

the Lord`s name in vain.

Ye-Yes, lvor, go on.

Have a go.

- Uh... Morgan the Goat--

- [ Townspeople Laughing ]

Sorry, Morgan.

Morgan has a point.

l have visited mountains that are topped

by ancient burial chambers,

and it is that full height

which is measured.

l see nothing wrong with

adding to Ffynnon Garw.

- [ Townspeople Murmuring ]

- ln Rhondda Fawr,

there`s a huge coal tip above

the village, and that`s on the maps.

[ People Murmuring ]

Am l the only one that thinks

this smacks of sharp practice--

of cheating ?

What do we do ? Lower one part

of Ffynnon Garw to raise another ?

Take it from your garden if

it makes you feel better.

Yes ! Yes ! lt would

make me feel better.

l would be happier...

if the mountain was raised

by toil, by sweat,

by work,

by sacrifice.

Yes ! Take the earth

from our own gardens.

- That would make me feel better.

- You`re just making it impossible.

No, Mr. Morgan,

l am not !

Oh, that man.

J-Johnny.

- Well, this is--

- No, listen. [ Muttering ]

ln France--

ln France, we dug trenches

ten miles long.

We took earth from here

and built hills there.

We moved fields.

You wouldn`t believe what we did.

lt`s possible.

lt`s just hard work.

l`ll help.

[ Grandfather ] And that`s how

it all started.

The Reverend had an idea,

but Morgan had a better one,

which the Reverend altered...

and Johnny believed possible.

Of course, it didn`t change the fact

that Morgan the Goat...

wouldn`t talk

to Reverend Jones...

and Reverend Jones

wouldn`t talk to Morgan the Goat.

And Johnny could rarely

talk to anyone.

[ Knocking ]

Sergeant.

- Gentlemen.

- Mr. Anson.

On behalf of the village,

we would like to convince you

to persuade Mr. Garrad...

to stay longer and

measure the mountain again.

Again ? Well, l-l`m sorry, but l think

today`s reading was accurate.

We`re going to add

20 feet.

- [ Anson ] What do you mean

add 20 feet ?

- `Tis legal, isn`t it ?

Heights of other mountains

sometimes include burial mounds.

- Even coal tips.

- Aye !

- Uh, well, now that is true--

that permanent features

are sometimes allowed, but, uh--

Good.

Twenty feet it is then.

We can`t possibly wait

while you, uh,

add 20-- 20 feet.

- l mean, how are you going to do this ?

- Never you mind.

We`ll manage. You just

convince Mr. Garrad.

[ Stammering ] Uh, n-no, l know

l`d be wasting my breath.

We have a very tight schedule, and, um,

Mr. Garrad`s very eager to get on.

- All we`re asking--

- No, it`s very late,

so if you don`t mind,

we will be leaving

first thing in the morning.

Thank you.

- Aye, it`s a damn shame, man.

- Don`t worry.

They`re not goin` anywhere.

Sorry, Morgan ?

l missed that.

l must be goin` deaf

in this ear, man.

- l said good night, Sergeant.

- Aye, aye.

Good night now.

- Morgan ?

- l need two pounds of sugar.

- [ Loudly ] Two pounds !

- Shh !

- [ Whispering ] lt`s rationed.

- l know it`s rationed.

Come on, lvor.

This is a national emergency.

Yes, but...

two pounds ?

l don`t want to have to tell people

that it failed because of you, lvor.

So, are they stayin` ?

Oh, l, uh, l think

l won them over, my love.

l think l won them over.

For God`s sake, Anson,

crank harder.

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