The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain Page #4

l am doing my very best.

Perhaps you`d like to have a try.

l`d hate for you to have to

exert yourself a little bit.

- [ Backfire ]

- What did you say ?

Trouble, gentlemen ?

Uh, yes.

l`m afraid so.

Oh. Dear, oh, dear,

oh, dear.

[ Anson ] Uh, Mr. Morgan.

By the way,

l was wondering:
What happened

to the, uh, the flagpole ?

Dry rot.

Dry rot ?

ln Wales ?

- That looks more than 20 foot, man.

- Oh, it`s 20.

- Bloody hell. We`re gonna need

a lot of earth to cover that.

- Aye.

- [ Knocking ]

- lt is not 9:
00--

- Good morning.

- Reverend Jones.

Uh, am l disturbing you ?

l thought you were

one of the children.

[ Laughing ]

Oh.

Ah.

Just what we need

to talk about.

Today is

an historic day.

Historic !

A day which generations

will talk about...

for years to come !

- ls there news from the front ?

- No.

The news is here.

The news is up there.

Today...

we are building

a mountain !

And l want your pupils

to help.

My pupils.

To labor.

To help you falsify

the height of a--

To falsify ?

Oh, Mr. Davies,

both your sense of community

and your vocabulary...

leave much

to be desired.

[ Piano Keys Banging ]

- [ Grunting ]

- [ Backfire ]

- So ?

Ahem.

Well, um--

Well what ?

Well, difficult to tell.

And by now,

you`ve probably flooded it.

We`d best leave it

for ten minutes.

Fancy a drink ?

Forgive me, Lord.

- [ Air Hissing ]

- Sh-shh--

No, they know not

what they do, as you said.

Sng Bread of heaven Sng

Sng Bread of heaven SngSng

There you are. l`ve been standin`

at that bar like a lemon.

l`m busy.

Refreshments.

- Hey, get that.

- Ahem.

- What shall l say to them ?

- Don`t say anything.

Just push it to the garage

and take the engine apart.

Yeah, but l`ve never taken one of these

apart. lt isn`t a two-stroke.

- Now`s your chance to learn.

- What if l can`t put it

back together again ?

You`ll have done

a great service.

All right, let`s get this down

to the garage, eh ?

Ah, bloody hell.

- Quite.

- When it rains it pours, eh ?

So, do you know

who`s behind this ?

l don`t know what

you`re suggesting.

What l am suggesting,

Mr. Williams,

is that our problems

seem highly coincidental...

with my qualification

of your mountain as a hill.

l am beginning to suspect

childish revenge, bad sportsmanship--

Stop ! Now stop before you say

something that you will regret.

Yes, it`s true

a lot of people are upset,

but to think that

anyone would--

Mr. Garrad, sir,

we are an honorable people.

l`m sorry.

l`m sorry.

lt just seems

very, very odd.

Well, let`s forget that for now,

get this down to the garage.

And, um, how long do you think

the repairs will take exactly ?

Oh, l`ll, uh--

l`ll have you on your way in no time.

Good. Because otherwise, we shall

have to make alternative arrangements.

No need for that,

gentlemen.

Now if you`d kindly

remove your luggage...

and push me.

Push ?

Push.

- Tommy in ?

- He`s sleepin`. Night shift.

- l have to see him.

- He`s not going anywhere for you.

Wake him, woman !

This is a matter of life and death !

Oh, very good, very good.

Excellent.

- Three buckets. Excellent, excellent.

- Hello, hello.

- We`ve chosen a hot day for it.

- Oh, better than rain.

But it`s going

to rain later.

Well, all the better

to refresh us, you see.

Be optimistic. Now go on. Dig.

Fill that third one, quick.

Ask some house on the way into Cardiff.

You can`t miss it.

But, Morgan,

l`m workin` nights.

There`s some of us

workin` day and night.

l don`t want to be telling people it all

failed because of Tommy Twostroke.

Capital, capital.

Right. Let me

just get my tools.

And when we were talking about Llywelyn

the Last, you will remember that--

- [ Knocking ]

- Come in.

- We`ve come for the children.

- We need them at home.

Well, this is most irregular.

Refreshments !

Anyone in need of refreshments ?

Ahem.

Go on.

Go on home.

l can`t say l like this village.

lt`s altogether far too quiet.

Yes, l noticed.

l rather like it.

Do you think he has a clue

about what he`s doing ?

Well, h-h-he`s certainly

stripping it with great confidence.

- l know, but--

- l`m afraid l don`t know

the first thing about motorcars.

Unfortunately,

neither do l.

Aha ! l think, gentlemen,

l`ve found the problem.

Ahem. Yeah.

And what`s that ?

Well, l don`t know

the English word, but in Welsh,

we call it a--

a bethangalw.

- A what ?

- A ''bairthandgaloo.''

- Yeah. Close enough.

- And, um, where can

we get a replacement ?

- Ooh, Cardiff.

- Cardiff !

We`ll send Tommy Twostroke

when he gets back.

Right.

- Tommy !

- l thought that--

Never mind what you thought.

What the hell are you doin` here ?

- Morgan sent me.

- What does Morgan want ? lt`s

Thursday. l`ve got my work.

- He wants you to come right away.

- And lose my job ?

lt`s an emergency. He said,

''Tell her l can`t do it without her.''

- Can`t do without me ?

- Mmm, something like that.

[ Morgan ] Ha`penny change.

Thank you.

- Ah ! Mornin`, Reverend.

- Don`t you ''Good mornin`, Reverend'' me.

This is typical.

While the entire village-- with the

notable exception of Davies the School--

toil in this heroic task,

you have applied your labor

to, to, to making a profit...

and to further disseminating

the evil of alcohol.

Now, now, Reverend. l think the heat is

getting to your good temper.

- l`m supplyin` a service.

- [ Scoffs ]

A true service

would be free.

Trust me.

l`m making no profit.

Oh-ho-ho, dear.

Trust you ?

The day has yet to dawn...

when l will trust you.

Oh, come on, George.

lt`s not the end of the world.

Just means we`ll have to

stay here for another few days.

ls there any transport

for hire at all ?

No, everything`s

being used, um, for the, uh--

Yes ? For the what ?

- The war.

- Oh, the war. Yes.

l thought l heard

a train last night.

So is there

a railway station here ?

- Well, uh--

- lt`s a simple question.

ls there or is there not

a railway station ?

Well, not really.

Not really ?

[ Train Whistle Blowing ]

[ Singsong Chattering ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

- [ Cooing ]

- [ Chattering ]

- Ah. Morning.

- Oh.

Do you have

a train timetable ?

- Trains ?

- Yes, trains.

Uh, you`re English, are you ?

Anson ?

Uh, yes.

Yes, we are, yes. Um,

and we-- we`d like

to catch a train.

Ah. No trains.

Good God, man,

l just heard one.

They`re coal. There`s coal trains

all day, coal trains all night.

But no passenger trains.

- Don`t see any passengers, do you ?

- [ Cooing ]

[ Morgan ] Meat pies !

Apples ! Pears !

[ Whistles ]

[ Sighs, Groans ]

Now, now.

The Good Lord took a day

to divide heaven and earth.

We can`t expect

to do better.

And, and, and we`ve broken

the back of it.

- That`s the important thing.

- We haven`t broken the back of it.

Yes, we have.

[ Speaking Welsh ]

We`re almost

up to 14 feet.

We`ll need more as we get higher

and the base grows wider.

- He`s right.

- Oh !

Pessimists, all of you.

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