The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain Page #5

And you !

- You ! You said it would rain.

- And it will.

God, dear. Ohh.

Morgan, what the devil`s goin` on ?

l have Tommy Twostroke...

comin` to the house

with a desperate message.

Desperate !

That`s the word, Betty.

Desperate times, desperate measures,

desperate Englishmen.

You had better not be suggestin`

what l think you`re suggestin`.

[ Glass Clinking ]

Oh. Hello.

Um--

[ Bumps Head ]

Sorry. Could l, um,

possibly have a glass of beer ?

- Do l look like a barmaid ?

- Barmaid ? Never !

l`m surprised at you, Mr. Anson,

makin` a mistake like that.

This is our honored guest,

Miss Elizabeth.

l`m sorry. l simply assumed

because you were behind the bar--

Well, l like my regulars

to feel that this isn`t a pub.

lt`s a home away from home.

- Home ?

- Back so soon ? Shame.

Difficulty with the breathing again ?

Terrible trouble with her chest.

l knew you were returnin` to Cardiff

too soon. l told you so.

She soldiers on

under adversity.

What can l get you

to drink, huh ?

- Pint of bitter, please.

- Coming up.

And put it

on my account.

Your account ?

To show there`s

no hard feelings.

Oh, really, there`s

no need for that.

Thank you anyway.

Um, Reginald Anson.

Elizabeth. Miss.

And it would be my pleasure.

Well, there. Enjoy your drinks.

l`m sure you`ve a lot to talk about.

Oh--

Uh, l`m afraid

Mr. Morgan...

does so like to discuss

one`s private matters in public.

Terribly bad taste,

l find.

[ Loudly ]

Quite common.

Well-- [ Laughs ] You can

rely on me for complete discretion.

l`m sure. Now,

would you excuse me ?

l gave up my first

real, honest job !

Mr. Garrad, sir !

Ah, excuse me.

What can l do you for ?

- [ Whispering ] Anson. There`s

dirty work at the crossroads.

- Hmm ?

l just spoke to Morgan

about staying another night,

and he wasn`t

the least bit surprised.

Oh, no, no, no.

You shouldn`t jump to conclusions.

Williams the Garage Man had already

told him that the car was inoperable.

He had ?

Oh, l see.

One can`t be too careful

in foreign climes.

- Well, it`s only Wales, George.

- lt`s still foreign, Reginald.

l understand.

l-l do ! Completely !

Especially

since they are English.

Morgan, you`re

missing the point.

No, you are missin`

the point, girl.

All you have to do

is charm the old fool...

so his days

don`t seem so empty.

Morgan, your head`s empty.

All this for just a map !

Just a map ?

ls that what Tommy Twostroke said ?

Half-wit !

Just a map !

Maps, dear Betty,

are the--

uh, the undergarments

of a country.

- They give shape to continents.

- You-- !

Oh, George.

L-Let me introduce you.

This is, um,

Miss Elizabeth from Cardiff.

Come for the good

mountain air.

And this is

Mr. George Garrad.

- Pleased to meet you.

- l`m sure.

Damn and blast !

Oh, God.

[ Rain Falling ]

l said it would.

By God, it reminds me

of the monsoons in the tropics.

So have you ever been

to the tropics ?

Excuse me.

Awful mud slides

on nights like these.

Williams ! Williams !

- Morgan ?

- We need tarpaulins

up the mountain, quick.

All our work

will be washed away !

- That`s the only one l`ve got.

- Right. That`ll do.

- Morgan !

- Get Johnny Shellshocked and

get up the mountain, quick !

- But, Morgan !

- Well, l can`t do it all myself.

Do you want me to have to tell people

it all failed because of you ?

We`re nearly there,

Johnny boy, nearly there.

[ Screaming ]

- Get down !

- [ Screaming Continues ]

Get down, Johnny,

you bloody idiot ! Lightnin` !

Get down !

Come on ! Come on !

[ Screaming Continues ]

Come on !

Come on !

All right.

All right.

-Calm down. Calm down. Shh ! Come on.

-[ Wailing ]

Good boy.

You can get up now. Come on.

So we forged through Palestine,

and then from there,

on into Cairo, and finally

from there, we went on into Aden.

D`you hear that,

Miss Elizabeth ?

Mr. Garrad`s

been to Aden.

Aden ?

Have you been to Aden,

Mr. Anson ?

[ Anson ] Uh, no, no.

Not yet, but l-l--

lt sounds fascinating.

Another for you,

Mr. Garrad ?

You all right there,

Mr. Anson ?

- Mmm.

- l`ll have another.

And one for Mr. Anson.

And put them on my account.

Thank you very much. How charming to be

treated to a drink by a lady.

Oh, Miss Elizabeth`s

benevolence knows no bounds.

- Bloody hell.

- lt was only soddin` thunder and

bloody lightnin`, weren`t it ?

Drove the poor bugger

half mad.

[ Shuddering ]

- What about the mound ?

- Oh, we saved your mound all right.

You can`t leave him here.

You should take him to Blod`s.

l`ve done enough

for one night.

[ Whimpering ]

Get some towels

and a blanket, quickly.

Damn shame, poor chap. l saw a lot

of this sort of thing in Sebastopol.

Bugger Sebastopol, George.

Give me your jacket.

Come on ! A large brandy,

please. Quickly.

Right. Unclench

his fingers.

Undo his shirt. Get his shirt

undone and unclench his fingers.

All right, all right.

Let me see if he`s

swallowed his tongue.

That`s it. Come on.

There. Just relax.

- Blod !

- What have you done with him ?

[ Morgan ] l didn`t do anythin` !

Betty, give the man

the brandy.

Betty ? So this is Betty ?

What the bloody hell is she doing here ?

No, Blod, you-- Don`t get

the wrong idea. This is another lady.

With these gentlemen.

lsn`t that right ?

Uh, yes, yes, we`re from London.

Now can we please get on with

helping this poor fellow ?

- He`s in deep shock. There.

- l`m sorry. l thought

you were somebody else.

Come on, Morgan. Help me get him home.

l know what to do.

All right.

Gently, gently.

Well, l`ve had far too much

excitement for one evening.

lf you`ll excuse me,

l`ll say... good night.

- Yeah, but, George--

- Good night !

Oh, don`t worry about Morgan.

This isn`t the first time

l`ve looked after him.

He won`t be back

tonight.

And thank you...

for helpin` me with Blod.

Oh, it`s fine.

Just, uh, seemed the--

Seemed the thing to do, really.

l mean that.

Thank you.

That`s fine.

Good.

Well, um, good night,

uh, Miss Elizabeth, and, uh--

Betty.

Betty. Yes. Um,

and, uh, thank you for

a lovely evening, and, uh--

Are you married ?

- l`m sorry ?

- Are you married ?

No.

Good night, Mr. Anson.

You`re a gentleman.

ldiot.

[ Climbing Stairs ]

- Sleepin` quietly ?

- No thanks to you.

Well, l`ll just go back and lock up.

l won`t be long.

Don`t think for one minute

that you`re stayin` here tonight.

- After what you`ve done to Johnny ?

- Blod.

And another thing, Morgan.

lf this was all for nothin`,

don`t think about darkenin`

my door ever again.

- Don`t be rash now, girl.

- Bugger off, Morgan.

[ Grunts ]

Oh, no !

Betty !

[ Groans ]

Damn and blast !

[ Whining ]

Good mornin`.

Couldn`t you sleep ?

l slept like a log.

lt`s so quiet without

Morgan bangin` around.

[ Chuckles ]

Morning.

l thought you might

already have gone.

You seemed rather impatient

last night.

Oh, no, no, no. l`m not one

for runnin` around in the rain.

l like to stay snug

in a warm bed and just stare at it.

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