The Ex Page #7

is that they can smell failure a mile away.

- It's not work, okay?

- Is it sexual?

Is there a midget

living in the basement?

If there is, they are selling

the pump on the internet,

- but I do not know if it works.

- I don't need a pump.

The thought of Sofia

alone and vulnerable-- I don't like it.

I swear to God, Chip, if you go

anywhere near my wife, I will--

What are you gonna do, Tom? You gonna

catch us on your hidden camera?

How do you know

about that?

- Let's drag.

- ( tires screech )

How do you know

about that?!

Chip.

I could not make it

up the steps.

Hope, I'm not imposing.

Son of a b*tch.

Chip.

- Here you go.

- Thank you so much.

( softly )

You know, Bob,

I have to tell you...

That when I first heard the news,

I couldn't help it.

I cried.

Bless you, Chip.

I've been going

to that place for so long,

I'll probably go back

tomorrow out of instinct.

Chip, you should stay

for dinner.

- Wouldn't want to intrude.

- You wouldn't be intruding.

Sofia. Didn't know

you were here.

Yeah.

- ( Chip laughs )

- Absolutely incredible, Chipper.

- ( Chip laughs )

- Absolutely incredible, Chipper.

Well, it's not easy swimming

with just your arms,

Especially when

the water's just 38.

I can't believe

you're still alive.

Always been

a risk taker, Sofia.

I do like

to test the limits.

Amelia:
Chip, you fill

this house with warmth,

and believe me,

we need that right now.

It isn't just that

Bob got fired,

but Tom and Sofia

are having a really--

- Mom. Mom!

- Well, you have.

- Food was delicious.

- It was.

- Wasn't it?

- ( speaks Spanish )

( both speaking Spanish )

- Anyway.

- Anyway, I rented a movie.

I've got it

in my saddlebag.

I was gonna go home,

watch it alone.

Love to share it,

if you guys are up to it.

- Amelia:
You want to see a movie?

- Sure, Chip.

Make yourself comfortable.

I have some things to do

in the bathroom.

- Okay.

- ( Oliver fussing )

Woman on TV:

I want you.

- What do I do?

- Man on TV:
Everything.

That's me.

( doorbell rings )

Sofia, I need to talk to you.

Listen, you have every right

to be upset with me.

- Sweetie, I'm not angry.

- Let me finish. Let me finish, okay?

I finally figured it out.

I didn't put the wrong tape

in the camera.

- Chip switched it.

- What?

I was right all along, baby. He's been

trying to sabotage me since day one

and now I have proof.

You can see his face

- in the reflection of my computer monitor.

- Hi, Tom.

What's he doing here?

What are you doing with my son?

- Get the baby away from him!

- Tom, cool it!

Why don't you take the baby?

Did you come over here

to get with my wife, Hot Wheels?

- Both:
Tom!

- Hot Wheels?

Chip came over

'cause he heard Dad got fired.

And how did that happen?

The same way my chair got shorter?

The same way gay porn

got put on my computer?

You had everybody fooled,

didn't you,

- you "cripple"?

- Tom!

- That's enough.

- "Poor me! I'm in a wheelchair!

Everybody feel sorry for me and have

sex with me 'cause I can't use my legs."

Or can he?

He can walk.

I have proof.

What's that?

Get up, you faker.

You can walk.

Let's show them how you walk.

Tom, stop it!

What are you doing?

- Bob:
Tom, what are you doing?

- He plays tennis.

Tom, you're gonna hurt him!

- Dad, do something!

- Come on!

Tom, have you lost your mind?

- Tom, what are you doing?

- Tom, the man can't walk!

- Oh, yeah? Let's find out!

- Oh, no!

( screaming )

- He's dead!

- I'm okay.

This isn't Chip.

It's Danny.

- Danny?

- He's Chip's twin brother!

He died in an accident

about five years ago.

He was my hero.

Tom, get down here!

Out of the house!

- Out of the house! Out!

- Tom!

I found--

I found it!

- I saw his--

- Tom, out!

I saw his reflection

in my computer monitor.

- Bob:
Out!

- Out!

God's sakes, Tom, what the hell is

the matter with you?

You just threw a disabled man

down a flight of stairs.

Moushiwake, Bob.

Obviously I was wrong

about the cripple thing.

But he's the one responsible

for you getting fired.

What the hell is wrong with you?

You could have just killed him.

Sofia.

I think you should go.

Ow!

Stupid--

( gears grinding )

- Are you sure you're okay?

- I'm fine.

What I'm really

worried about is you.

I can tell that

you're not happy,

and I think

that it might be

because you're

on the wrong track.

I don't--

I don't know.

Maybe it's because

you're still looking

for something that

you haven't found yet.

You know, I mean...

I know that I am.

You know, I mean, everybody thinks

that I've got everything, you know?

The Ohio

Advertiser of the Year

and probably be hired

to go to Barcelona soon,

But I don't have anybody

I can share that with, you know?

And the one person

that really does it for me

is a girl that I met

back in high school.

We are the Tigers

and we're not cocky.

We'll run you... Kawasaki.

You know what I mean?

I've still got your panties

from that time that--

Okay, Chip.

It's time to go.

Okay, it's tough to hear.

I get it.

Stay the hell away

from my wife, Chip.

I got a news flash

for you, sparky:

Your wife's gone.

She's way out of your league,

and she's finally realized it, okay?

It's over.

Easy! Huh?

You think I can't defend myself

just 'cause I'm in a wheelchair?

- ( whimpers )

- No, I know hapkido!

That's for stealing

my yogurt, douche.

See you at school tomorrow!

( sobbing )

Don't cry, Mom.

I don't even know how

to take care of my own family.

What are you talking about?

Of course you do.

No, I don't.

You always knew

what to do.

You made it look so easy.

I thought I could just copy you.

But I just--

I can't figure it out.

I don't know

what I'm doing.

No-- honey, nobody knows

what they're doing.

There's nothing

to figure out.

Right.

It's okay, honey.

Mommy's here.

Mam est aqu.

( ringing )

Hello.

- Man:
Is this senor Chip Sanders?

- What?

My name is Juan Castaneda

de los Cojones del Mono.

I am the executive

vice president of Idea,

the ad agency in Barcelona.

You sent to us your rsum.

Yes! Hello.

Hola. Como esta?

Very good. Thank you very much.

Will you indulge me,

please, sir, for one moment

and allow me to say

to you that your work

is absolutely genius?

Senor tomato is,

in a word, spectacular.

Yes, yes. Thank you.

Gracias.

You are very welcome.

I come to the point.

You, sir, are being chosen

for the position

of Director Creativo.

Can you fly to Barcelona

immediamente, please?

Sure!

S, gracias.

Super.

Definitivamente.

- ( answering machine beeps )

- Tom, Wollebin here.

We set up a meeting

with that Wesley kid,

but you probably know all about it,

seeing as your wife is his lawyer.

Screw it.

I'm gonna send Chip.

Sh*t!

Bob.

- Have you seen Sofia?

- No, I went to Best Buy.

When I got back, she was gone.

You all right?

Bob, there's something

I have to tell you.

The Wesley tape wasn't

destroyed in the fire.

I accidentally taped over it.

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