The Extra Man Page #6

- I'M ON A STRAIGHT ROAD,

IT NEVER ALTERS...

- HELLO.

AND THE RADIO SERENADES

BUT DOESN'T FALTER...

- COME ON!

- COME BACK HERE!

YOU OFFER INFRARED

INSTEAD OF SUN:

YOU OFFER PAPER SPOONS

AND BUBBLE GUM:

MA--

...4:
00 IN THE MORNING

MARY! MARY!

LOUIS?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M SORRY I COULDN' MAKE THE MOVIE.

BUT I WAS:

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND THOUGHT YOU MIGH NEED A RIDE HOME.

OH. WELL,

I'M PRETTY RELIGIOUS

ABOUT PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.

YOU DON'T ACTUALLY DRIVE

THIS THING AROUND THE CITY,

DO YOU?

NO NO.

OF COURSE NOT.

I WAS HELPING OU MY FRIEND LAGERFELD.

SHE'S QUITE ENORMOUS,

AND HAS TROUBLE GETTING AROUND.

OH.

THAT'S REALLY

NICE OF YOU.

WELL, SINCE YOU'RE

ALREADY OUT AND ABOUT.

BUCKLE UP.

NOW I OWE YOU TWO FAVORS.

I'M NOT SURE I CAN

HANDLE ALL THIS.

NO, YOU DON' OWE ME ANYTHING.

OH, GO STRAIGHT.

GO STRAIGHT.

THIS IS BRAD'S BLOCK.

I'M STAYING THERE TONIGHT.

OH.

WHAT'S THAT?

"SALLY'S. NEW YORK'S

HOTTEST TRANNY BAR"?

PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LEAVING

STUPID STUFF IN MY CAR.

- JUST THROW IT OUT.

- HEY HEY, LITTERING?

- ( screaming )

- ( tires squealing )

- A LION!

- OH MY GOD!

( laughing )

- Mary:
OH MY GOD.

- I'M SORRY.

I SERIOUSLY JUST HAD

A HEART ATTACK.

I'M JUST HAVING

THE WORST DAY EVER, MARY.

LET'S GO SEE

WHAT THAT WAS.

- SH*T.

- GO GO GO.

OH, GOD.

DID I KILL IT?

SOMEBODY'S IDEA

OF A JOKE.

HE IS KIND:

OF CUTE, THOUGH.

- ( laughs ) HE IS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, LOUIS?

I THINK I'M JUST...

GOING TO WALK THE RES OF THE WAY FROM HERE.

- OH, SURE.

- BYE, YOU TWO!

OKAY OKAY OKAY.

( groaning )

OH GOD.

Henry:

WE'LL SPEAK

IN THE MORNING, GERSHON.

GET SOME REST.

YOU'RE LOOKING MORE

HAGGARD THAN USUAL.

OH GOD!

YOU SHOULD REALLY STOP

LURKING ABOUT IN THE SHADOWS,

IT'S BECOMING A SERIOUS

CHARACTER FLAW.

I JUST GOT IN.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT A DISASTROUS EVENING.

MY GOD, GERSHON SERVED

BOILED TONGUE FOR DINNER.

AND THEN LATER WE TAXIED OVER

TO TAKE A LOOK AT MY CAR,

AND GERSHON CONFIRMED THA IT'S COMPLETELY BEYOND REPAIR.

HOWEVER, I DID REMEMBER

THAT THE LAST TIME

I WAS OUT AT VIVIAN'S PLACE

IN SOUTHAMPTON:

I HAPPENED TO NOTICE

A BEAUTIFUL VEHICLE FOR SALE

OUT BY THE BAY,

WHERE THE RIFF RAFF STAY.

GERSHON AND I WERE THINKING

OF GOING UP THIS WEEKEND--

HAVE A LOOK,

SEE IF IT'S STILL THERE.

WANT TO COME ALONG?

I TAKE IT YOU'RE

JUST LOOKING FOR A RIDE?

YES,

BUT WHY FOCUS ON I THAT WAY?

THINK OF YOURSELF!

IT'S SUPPOSED

TO BE AN UNSEASONABLY

BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND,

COURTESY:

OF GLOBAL WARMING.

AND I THINK YOU'D ENJOY

MEETING GERSHON.

HE'S-- WELL, DIFFERENT.

( honking )

WHERE'S GERSHON?

GERSHON IS:

PATHOLOGICALLY LATE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO IN

AND URGE HIM ON?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.

YOU REALLY SHOULD SEE

HIS APARTMENT.

IT'S QUITE INTERESTING.

OKAY.

I'LL JUST TAKE I FOR A LITTLE SPIN.

JOKING.

OH, LOOK.

( speaking French )

DECAPOTABLE.

( laughs )

GERSHON?

GERSHON?

( knocks )

GERSHON?

HELLO?

OH! HELLO, I'M LOUIS--

HENRY'S ROOMMATE.

WE WERE WAITING:

IN THE CAR:

AND HENRY WANTED ME TO--

( high voice )

PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGIES.

I WAS JUST PUTTING

MY SHOES ON.

NO, OF COURSE.

WOW, LOOK AT THIS.

YOU HAVE SO MANY

INTERESTING THINGS.

( high voice continuing )

YES, I COLLECT SOUVENIRS.

MUST HAVE BEEN EVERYWHERE.

NO.

I ACTUALLY HAVE:

NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE.

TOO BUSY WORKING.

WHAT KIND OF WORK

DO YOU DO, GERSHON?

I'M A SUBWAY MECHANIC.

- SORRY.

- ANYWAY...

I DO LOVE MY JOB.,

BUT IT'S ALWAYS

BEEN MY DREAM:

TO BUY A SAILBOA

AND SAIL OFF:

WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

TO THE MEDITERRANEAN.

WE'D TRAVEL STRAIGH TO THE BLUE GROTTO,

WHERE TINY ROWBOATS WAIT.

THEN WE'D PADDLE OU INTO THE WARM WET CAVE,

AND KISS AND SING

AND HARMONIZE:

WITH OUR OWN ECHOES.

I STILL BELIEVE:

IT'S POSSIBLE.

THE BOAT AND THE WOMAN.

( Henry singing

in French )

WHAT'S THAT SONG?

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

FROM AN OPERETTA I SAW

WHEN I WAS LIVING IN PARIS--

"PAS SUR LA BOUCHE."

"NOT ON THE MOUTH."

IT'S ABOUT A MAN

WHO DOESN'T LIKE

TO BE KISSED:

ON THE MOUTH.

THAT'S THE WHOLE PLOT.

- NO, THAT'S INSANE!

- WHY? I HAPPEN TO AGREE.

RUBBING NOSES IS

FAR MORE SANITARY.

HOW DID YOU AFFORD

TO LIVE ABROAD, HENRY?

I HAD AN INHERITANCE.

BOTH MY PARENTS WERE DEAD

BY THE TIME I WAS 22.

SO I MOVED TO EUROPE

FOR 10 YEARS,

SPENT EVERY LAST CENT.

DID BOTH YOUR PARENTS

DIE AT THE SAME TIME?

MY FATHER DIED:

WHEN I WAS TWO.

ACTUALLY I WAS RAISED

BY MY BOHEMIAN AUNT.

WHY NOT YOUR MOTHER?

MY MOTHER WAS AFRAID OF ME.

MY AUNT UNDERSTOOD ME.

SHE TAUGHT LITERATURE

AT JOHNS HOPKINS.

SHE WAS ALWAYS:

TAKING SHIPS TO EUROPE

AND HAVING LOVE AFFAIRS.

QUITE BEAUTIFUL,

BUT SHE NEVER MARRIED.

FASCINATING WOMAN.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU:

REALLY LOVED HER.

THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND

LIKE AN INTERVIEW.

ARE YOU PLANNING TO WRITE

THE UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY

OF AN OBSCURE PLAYWRIGH WHOSE MASTERPIECE WAS STOLEN

BY A HUNCHBACK?

IS IT SO WRONG:

TO BE INTERESTED IN YOU?

YES!

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU.

FROM NOW ON:

I INTEND TO GIVE YOU

THE MOST MISLEADING

IMAGE POSSIBLE.

YOU MAY WRITE:

MY BIOGRAPHY,

BUT YOU WILL NEVER

CAPTURE MY SOUL.

Henry:

THANK GOD:

WE'VE FINALLY LANDED.

BETWEEN MANHATTAN

AND THE EAST END,

THERE'S NOTHING

BUT CEMETERIES AND STRIP CLUBS.

DID YOU KNOW:

THAT TOPLESS BARS

DO THEIR BEST BUSINESS

ON MOTHER'S DAY?

IT'S THE UDDERS.

THAT'S THE DAY MEN

MOST NEED TO SEE THEM.

THAT ACTUALLY MAKES

LOTS OF SENSE.

THIS CERTAINLY:

IS A BEAUTIFUL INLET.

MAYBE IT'S A COVE.

I BELIEVE THE APPROPRIATE WORD

IS ACTUALLY "BIGHT."

B-I-G-H-T,

A NOUN MEANING:

"A WIDE BAY FORMED

BY CURVED LAND."

THERE'S ALL KINDS

OF WONDERFUL WORDS

IN THE Bs ACTUALLY.

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE

IS "BISEXTILE,"

WHICH MEANS NOTHING

LIKE IT SOUNDS.

BELIEVE IT OR NO IT MEANS,

"OF OR PERTAINING

TO LEAP YEAR."

SO NEXT FEBRUARY 29TH,

WE SHOULD ALL REMEMBER

TO WISH EACH OTHER

A HAPPY BISEXTILE DAY!

( laughing )

THANK GOD:

IT'S STILL HERE.

LOOK AT HER.

OH, YES.

- A THING OF BEAUTY.

- THE 1975 CADILLAC

V-8 EL DORADO.

- Henry:
EXCELLENT.

- 400 HORSEPOWER,

- 500 POUND-FEET OF TORQUE...

- MM-HMM.

...AND SINGLE DIGI GAS MILEAGE.

THAT'S TERRIBLE

FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.

OH, AND I SUPPOSE

YOURS IS BETTER?

IT SEEMS THE OWNERS HAVE

LEFT FOR THE SEASON.

WE SHOULD CALL AND ARRANGE

A TEST DRIVE, HENRY.

WE'VE COME ALL THIS WAY,

WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE

A PEEK UNDER THE HOOD.

CLIMB IN THERE:

AND TRY AND OPEN HER UP.

IT'S OPEN.

NEW TIRES.

THAT'S GOOD.

OKAY.

HENRY, I CAN'T--

LET GERSHON DO IT.

HE'S THE MECHANICALLY

INCLINED ONE.

I DON'T SEE ONE.

MAYBE THIS IS:

A SECRET HOOD RELEASE.

- OH, NO!

- NO!

SCHEISSE.

BETTER VAMOOSE BEFORE

THE POLIZEI ARRIVE.

- Louis:
HENRY.

- Woman:
WHO'S THAT?

Henry:

AT LEAST I HAVE:

A PIECE OF A NEW CAR.

TOMORROW I'LL CALL

AND INQUIRE:

AS TO THE PRICE:

OF THE REST OF IT.

Louis:

HENRY, YOU CAN'T.

THAT'S LIKE RETURNING

TO THE SCENE OF A CRIME.

ARE YOU INSANE?

THEY'D NEVER SUSPECT ME.

WHO'D BE STUPID ENOUGH

TO DEFACE A CAR AND THEN

INQUIRE ABOUT ITS PRICE?

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