The Family Fang Page #5

wouldn't solve anything.

It would turn us back into kids.

Is that what you want?

Hey.

Your father and I have decided

to go to the Berkshires

for a few days.

- Berkshires, huh? Great.

- When?

- Tonight.

Is this because

of the Chicken Queen?

What a disaster.

Great art's always difficult,

though, right?

What'd you say?

I just said what you

always tell us.

That great art's

always difficult.

Do me a favor.

Don't talk about things

you know nothing about.

- Okay. Deal.

I found something weird.

That is weird.

There's like a hundred of

these in the back of my closet.

What do you think they are?

I don't know.

Maybe a fan sent them?

I mean, remember that lady

who sent all those teeth

in the Ziploc bags?

They're actually

kind of great.

I mean, look at the detail.

- Yeah.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Don't look at those.

[bolts lock]

Oh, no. Sh*t.

No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.

- What's wrong?

- I... I don't know.

God damn it.

Where did these paintings

come from?

They're mine.

- They're yours?

- You did these?

Yes, I did.

Since when did you

start painting, Mom?

How do you think

I got into art school?

I stopped when I met Daddy.

So he doesn't know

about these?

Oh, good God, no.

If he ever found out

that I started painting again,

that'd be such a betrayal.

[thumping on door]

[doorknob rattles]

Why is this door locked?

We're... we're talking.

About what?

Our feelings.

[sighs]

Meet me in the car.

- I want you to have these.

Here, that's for you.

That's for you.

Now, promise me that if I die

before your father,

you'll get rid

of all the others.

So let's...

let's put these back.

They're amazing.

Oh, they're just paintings.

They're pretty great, Mom.

Yeah, thank you.

The fridge is full,

so you are welcome

to whatever is in there.

- Thanks, Mom.

Have fun.

- Thanks.

- Give me a kiss.

[coughs]

Drive safe, Dad.

- Yup.

- You look after your brother.

It's only going to be

a couple of days.

- I know.

- I'll be fine.

Bye, Daddy.

Stay out of our room.

- Will do.

[engine starts]

Why is she crying?

She always cries

at good-byes.

I pawned everything

That I had this morning

You know, as awkward

as yesterday was,

I really think

I've cleared a hurdle.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

I was thinking about what...

what that stupid

"Esquire" guy said.

That every time I make a...

I don't know,

make a mess of things,

I'm just doing exactly

what child A always did.

But when I think about,

it pissed me off that he was...

That he was right

on the money, right?

Exactly, Baxter.

He was right on the money.

And yesterday

I didn't do that.

Mm-mm, child A

stood up to them.

And that's thanks

to child B, right?

Yeah.

We're helping each other.

We're breaking old patterns.

Like a couple

of Dr. Phils.

[laughs]

We're getting better.

Come on,

I haven't had a drink.

You haven't had a pill.

Well, oops.

- Baxter.

- My ear hurt.

Anyway, but something's

working.

- You know?

- Mm-hmm.

And when Mom and Dad realize

that we're not kids anymore,

which they have to do,

we could have

a healthy family.

Healthy life.

Do healthy things together.

Take a trip.

Grand Canyon.

In a Winnebago.

[doorbell rings]

Sounds terrible.

Well, I'm just spitballing.

Come on, don't bring me down.

Good morning, ma'am.

Would you mind coming

down to the station?

There's a situation

we'd like to talk to you about.

Now, the car that is

registered to your parents

was found at a rest stop

on route 22

just before the Massachusetts

border.

They were not with the car,

but there were, I'm afraid,

signs of a struggle,

and quite a bit of blood.

We checked

the security cameras

and interviewed employees

at the surrounding locations.

But we've been unable to come up

with anything conclusive

at this point.

All signs indicate

that your parents

are currently missing,

and we have to suspect

foul play.

I'm sorry, sheriff.

This is... our parents

aren't missing.

They're artists.

It's all a performance.

We know all about

their art things.

But the fact is,

they're missing from a car

that they were driving,

and it's covered in blood.

- [sighs]

This is so stupid.

Ma'am, there have been four

rest stop abductions

in the last nine months,

all along route 22,

and all ending in homicides.

Hang on.

Really?

That's not what this is.

Well, let's hope not.

- Let's hope not.

But the crime scene photos

do show some startling

similarities to the other cases.

Would it be possible

for me to have a look at that?

Did you say four

in the last nine months?

And this would be

the fifth or the fourth?

- [scoffs]

- Jesus Christ.

Let me see that.

- It's fake. Fake blood.

This is what they...

- Can I see it?

- This is what they use

in a lot of their

performances.

The lab will let us know

if that is the case.

[clears throat]

You think

they're dead, right?

We don't know that,

but...

it is a possible

scenario, yes.

Our parents are probably

hiding somewhere now,

laughing themselves silly.

And as soon as you say

they're dead,

they're going to pop up

resurrected.

It takes seven years

to pronounce someone dead

without a body in this state.

Are they going to wait

seven years?

[dramatic music]

Here's another one.

"College student latest victim

in a string

of rest stop murders."

- Mm-hmm. They knew

about the murders.

They built the entire piece

around them.

And do you know

why they did it?

Because we wouldn't

do the Chicken Queen thing.

We're being punished.

[liquid pouring]

"Local man found

in IHOP Dumpster."

Oh, place of healing

my ass.

Staging their own death.

Annie, don't do that.

- Oh, God.

You're right, you're right.

What am I doing?

I'm slipping back.

[exhales]

And you want

to know something?

This is all Caleb.

All Caleb.

That's why Mom was crying

when she left.

She didn't want to go.

Why else would she leave

those paintings

for us to find?

- Well, she didn't.

He hid them.

- From him.

She wasn't hiding them from us.

They were in my closet.

She wants us to know

that she's her own artist.

Right?

She doesn't want

to do his art anymore.

Same as us. She is...

she is being forced into it,

just as we are.

We're all being forced

into this crap.

[sighs]

And what if he isn't

doing that?

What if this is real?

I mean, just consider it.

Baxter, come on.

- It could be real, Annie.

Come on.

That's what he wants.

This is what he wants.

He wants us to think

that they're dead.

It's pretty low,

even by his standards,

but that's what he wants.

He wants child A,

child B crying, doing this.

- Mm-hmm.

I hope you're right.

My...

son of a b*tch.

What?

That son of a b*tch!

If this is an art piece,

then they're recording us.

And they've got cameras

somewhere.

And they're trying

to tape us.

[dramatic music]

Caleb?

Camille?

I know it!

Come on! Dad?

I know they're hiding

somewhere.

Just waiting.

We are... we are going

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