The Fan Page #2

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I should fire his butt.

Good form.

Seriously. I promised those tickets

to my clients.

Don't make me look

like an a**hole. Please.

- I do have a reputation to uphold.

- A reputa...

Jesus-f***ing"..."

Nobody cares. You're stuck in a

time warp with your head up your ass.

- Why, because I don't wanna sell crap?

- We are not dedicated to perfection!

People don't want quality.

They want cheap product.

When that fucks up, they want to

replace it, so that's what we give them.

You got till the end of the month, Gil.

Look...

...McKinley and Everest is our

biggest account. You better close on it.

Bring in the f***ing numbers.

A**hole.

Sid, what was the missing link

on your ball club last season?

We'd have made the playoffs if Rayburn

hadn't hit that three- run shot in Atlanta.

Everybody said, "Why don't we

have a slugger like that?" Now we do.

- Bobby, a picture?

- Why don't we take one with Primo.

- Sounds good.

- Keep smiling.

Keep f***ing smiling.

- I hope you like it in centre field.

- Yeah, I hope you like it in left.

No more questions.

2.5 million signing bonus.

Half this year and half the next. Yeah.

Well, well, if it isn't Jewel, my favourite

token female sports reporter.

- Blow me, Manny.

- I would, but you haven't had your shots.

There were also bonuses

based on winning the MVP...

I want an interview

with Rayburn, Manny.

Are we talking about "the

overpaid, overrated SOB...

...with the pending divorce Rayburn?

- I call them as I see them.

- Well, you've been crossed off the list.

- I knew you'd understand.

- Deferred payments starting 2007.

Cut the crap. Are you saying there's

no way to get your boy to talk to me?

Is that what you're saying?

He's gotta talk to me.

I'm saying he'd rather nail his penis

to a burning building.

- I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to her.

Checkout this puppy.

The walk and the talk.

How's it walk? How's it talk?

This is the one.

Are you happy with your

current supplier?

Any more of these demonstrations,

I'll have to start shaving my legs.

Renard & Garrity hunting supplies.

The big motherf***er, the little

motherf***er. Which do you want?

Any more demos, I'll have to start

shaving the hairs on my ass.

As you can see, the performance

on this baby is really something.

"Knife doing business.

Come on, bring it, baby. Bring it.

- Jesus Christ.

- Poetry in motion, baby.

- Two behind home plate?

- I'm your man.

Two hundred dollars each.

- Two hundred apiece?

- Two hundred.

- That's a lot. How about 125?

- F*** 125. This is opening day here.

- Two hundred, goddamn it. Jesus.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Now you want the tickets, huh?

Anytime I can do you more f***ing

favours, you just let me know, all right?

You in a coma or what, buddy?

Get the fuckout of here.

- Know what bugs me about you guys?

- Like I care.

You don't even care about the game.

You ebony god, you prince of darkness,

you Othellian Moor, you black man!

You look good out there! You look

good. I bet we hit.400 this year.

- Come on, don't jinx me.

- I'm sorry, man. I get emotional, crazy.

All right, so tell me, what we got?

Spalding wants you to sign their balls.

We got that Wish Upon a Star routine:

Sick kid wants to shake hands with

great ballplayer. You'll have to do.

What do you think? Maybe I should

bring a ball for the sick kid.

No, I think a bat would be much nicer.

All right, here. Give him a bat.

You know it's not a good time for this.

- What's the gentleman's name again?

- His name's Stanley. Stanley Jackson.

Thank you, Michelle.

Stanley, Gil Renard.

Renard & Garrity hunting supplies.

- How do you do?

- How you doing?

Here's my card.

Are you happy

with your current supplier?

- I sure am.

- Well, then let me just...

If you could give me three minutes

of your time, I will prove to you...

- Can I demonstrate?

- Sure.

If I can just prove to you...

...we're superior in quality because

of our fit, hand-sharpening, polishing...

...and strength.

These features, combined with our

low prices, our superior terms...

...make us one of the most

sought-after competitors around.

- That's why I'd...

- We signed an exclusive with Gerber.

They got the whole chain sewed up.

We can't pass wind in a tent

without going through them.

Sorry to hear that.

- Do you have the Little Pecker?

- Yes, I do.

- You really are on the cutting edge.

- Yeah.

I'm sorry we can't do business.

Well, you're sure I can't

interest you in this?

You got any kayaks?

You gotta be

out of your mind. Kayaks?

I could use kayaks.

Stanley, what the f*** do kayaks

have to do with knives?

Never mind.

You f***ing a**hole. Kayaks?

When I'm asking you about knives?

Yeah. I understand, sir.

Thank you for coming in.

How about you get some kayaks and

stick them up your f***ing ass, moron.

Your stopwatch.

Hey, thanks a lot for coming.

Nice to meet you.

Look. We got the same hairdo.

You sick too?

Hey, slugger, come on,

shake his hand.

How you doing, man? You hanging

in there? What's your name?

Sean.

Sean?

Sean.

Wow, what a coincidence.

That's my son's name too.

Look, I have a present for you.

There you go.

Maybe it'll make you feel better.

Bobby Rayburn.

Tomorrow...

...hit a home run for me.

- Please?

- I'll try.

They said "sick," not "dying in front

of our eyes." How'd I know?

As if I don't have enough to worry

about. I get a poor kid on his deathbed.

- Oh, please.

- The kid was dying!

He has my son's name.

I mean, what kind of sh*t is that?

Lucky tie, lucky guy.

McKinley- Everest.

Okay, thank you.

Hi.

- Angie, you're looking as lovely as ever.

- He's gone.

- We had an appointment at 4.

- Yeah, it's 4:
11.

My watch is slow, I guess.

When will he be back?

He's gone for the day. But you

can see him tomorrow at 2:30.

Oh, tomorrow, tomorrow"..."

Let's s"ee."

See if there's anything...

I would prefer the morning.

But how about late in the day?

I'm sorry.

Tomorrow at 3, he's off

to Chicago for three weeks.

Well, that's a problem.

It's my son. I want to take him

to opening day.

You know, myself as a father,

I'm a real cutup.

I'm gonna get to the point.

I'm trying to be a hero to my son...

...so if he could make it any other time,

it would really, really help me.

Just an hour later...

...so I could fit the game in.

- Excuse me. McKinley- Everest.

- Any other time at all? Anything?

- Okay, thank you.

- It would be a big help to me.

Like, an hour later.

I'm afraid I really can't help you.

He's got such a crazy schedule.

Okey- dokey.

Drop your cock and grab your socks.

Big day today. You excited?

Yeah, I'm up.

Manny, Manny, talk to me, man.

Make me happy.

Wish I could.

I just talked to Primo's people.

- They want 500 grand.

- Five hundred? For what?

Exactly. Exactly.

That's 250 G's a digit.

Man, come on!

What is this boy smoking?

I tried to haggle them down.

The kid says it's his lucky number.

Sh*t. Ain't that much luck in the world.

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