The Feels Page #6

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Remembering.

She might see a girl's b*obs,

and a girl

might also see hers.

That's all it really took

back then was hearing something,

and to be honest,

that's all it really takes now.

I hope my mom

doesn't see this.

Whatever. I don't care

if she sees it.

I don't know why

you would f*** her

when I'm just getting

tons of text messages

about how f***ing annoyed

you are with her.

Like is that the solution,

just putting your dick in her

to shut her up?

I was wrong.

She's a nice person.

She's going through

a rough time.

Everybody is a nice person.

Everybody is going through

a rough time.

- Is everybody?

- Yes!

Actually I do think

most people are not bad people.

They just do shitty things,

like having sex

with their best friend's

future sister-in-law.

I thought

that she was divorced.

Or getting a divorce.

And I thought you knew.

Well, we didn't know.

That's not my fault.

No, actually,

it's not your fault.

Maybe communication

was just bad.

Speaking of which, why are you

taking everything out on me?

Why is communication so bad

with you in your relationship?

You made it seem like you guys

had this open thing going on.

Were you totally

unaware of this?

Yeah.

You had no idea?

She was faking it, right?

What am I supposed to do about

the fact that she's faking it?

I don't know.

I mean, maybe there's another

angle to look at, you know?

Are you a dead fish

in the bed?

How dare you accuse me

of being a dead fish?

You're always bragging,

talking a big game.

That's 'cause I am

the liveliest fish you ever met.

I'm splashing

all over the place.

I don't know why

she didn't tell me.

- Maybe it's not her fault.

- But she didn't tell me.

What, it's my fault?

Maybe.

You never considered that?

Uh, well, tell me

how it would be my fault

if she did not tell me

something that I did not know.

Uh, let me put it this way.

You seem to not be aware

of everything going on,

except for what's easiest

for you.

What are you talking about?

Whether you have always

chosen to ignore it

or you're just

completely oblivious,

I don't know.

But you seem to have

zero awareness

that I've just been

in love with you

for like the last 30 years.

Oh, my God.

Are you really gonna...

Josh! F*** you!

Do not push this sh*t on me now!

I'm getting married!

I'm not trying to woo you

or steal you away.

I'm trying to prove a point.

- What are you even...

- You have no idea.

You ignore whatever's

in front of you

and just take what's

most convenient for you.

And I'm telling you,

as a best friend,

not as a "you suck."

You understand

what I'm saying?

I haven't been trying

to mock you.

I haven't been trying

to make fun of you.

I'm trying to tell you

that this is something,

I'm not positive,

but to consider.

[children giggling]

You're pulling my hair.

- No! No hair pulling.

- Don't pull her hair!

Hey, you guys,

I think we gotta get going.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay, but we miss you.

- Miss you.

Bye. I miss you too.

Aww.

- Bye.

- Bye.

I love you guys.

Hey, Frankie,

can you give me a call

before you go to bed

tonight?

Yeah.

Okay, love you.

Kisses!

Bye!

Okay.

- Okay.

- They're okay.

Yeah, yeah,

that made me feel better.

[ Helen] Hey, you guys

ready to go back?

Or you guys down to clown?

- Can we not?

- I think we need to take a beat.

I just need some space.

All right.

I got something I can give ya.

The Vengabus

is down to party, huh?

I got you something special

for this bachelorette weekend.

Oh, my God.

Please say that's weed.

- Yeah, it's weed.

- Oh, my God, yes!

Look at this!

Like King Tut, baby.

- Like for real.

- What is this made out of?

- It's real gold, man.

- I'm just kidding.

You can touch that.

You can smoke it.

These are like a 24 karat.

You're really thoughtful.

You brought us

like Molly and stuff.

- Just like a good mom does.

- [laughter]

I didn't mean it like that.

That's like, uh...

"Don't forget your lunchbox.

Don't forget the Molly."

Like, I should've brought that.

Does it taste weird?

I think gold

burns your throat.

- Oh, sh*t!

- It's gonna burn a little bit.

[knocking]

Yeah?

Hey, sweetcakes.

Hey, Andi.

What ya doin'?

This feels

like an intervention.

No, we love you,

and we miss you.

That makes it feel

more like an intervention.

Dude, I haven't seen you

in like 10 months.

I know. It's true. Hug.

I was gonna give this

to you at brunch,

but it didn't seem to be

an appropriate time.

The latest issue of The

Adventures of Kitty and Pup.

It's a special bachelorette

edition Kitty and Pups.

Okay, tell me a story

of Kitty and Pup.

Here's what it's about.

Twenty years in the making.

Here, you see Pup is saying,

"I'm hungry."

- Can you believe it?

- [Andi] He's always hungry.

Yeah, and Kitty's like,

"How about tuna?"

And he goes, "Oh, okay."

Then there's

a tuna fish there,

and it says,

"I'm dead. Eat me."

Kitty is like,

"Oh, more tuna, please,"

'cause the cook

is really good.

"Holy cow, that chef.

I can't get her

out of my kitty-cat mind."

And then she's thinking

about the chef,

then they hit it off,

and then they're just

gonna have that tuna forever.

Pup is like, "I like tuna too,"

and he tries to eat it,

but he puts it in his eye

instead of his mouth.

Sweet of you.

It's gonna be fine.

Okay.

The situation right here?

What is going on, dude?

Um.

Female orgasm techniques.

[Krin] Is the G-spot

the same for everyone?

Definitely, I don't...

No, definitely not.

Every woman,

I find it in different places.

This isn't gonna be helpful

for you.

- Let's go get some tea, huh?

- You get a suit on.

We're gonna read this

downstairs.

Got a little surprise

for you.

- Come on, guys.

- Here we go.

- That was nice.

- Yeah, they're good.

- Adam's a good guy.

- They seem really happy.

So you're getting a D?

No. I don't know. Maybe.

It looks that way,

but I don't know,

'cause he's seeing somebody.

Oh, no! Who?

Who the f*** is he seeing?

I've been lonely,

but he's seeing somebody.

He's seeing...

Do you remember Diane, his ex?

Yeah, she's nuts.

- And she's got fake b*obs.

- Come on.

And she's five years

younger than me.

- She goes tanning.

- She goes tanning?

- She goes tanning.

- Okay, see ya.

- Her name's Diane?

- Yeah.

- And she goes tanning?

- Yeah.

[laughter]

Hello, it's me,

Diane Sawyer.

I'm gonna go tanning

with my fake tits.

He's taking that

to the bone zone?

What? What?

He's taking that chick

to the bone zone?

Okay, so Josh makes sense.

I mean,

not really, but...

I see the emotional journey,

just not the choice.

I guess he is the only guy.

He's the only guy here,

so... No. I'm sorry.

Doesn't it feel better

that you told me,

the way you're talking?

You can't leave stuff

bottled up inside.

You really can't.

- Guess I'm one to talk.

- You're right, if I would, if I would... well.

Are you okay?

Mm-mmm.

What's wrong with me?

Like, am I broken?

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