The Feels Page #5

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Don't short-sell yourself.

This could be

the best present.

I doubt it.

- Oh!

- You can wear it every day.

You get the practical sh*t

for every day.

Make it work.

- Period panties, yeah.

- Thank you.

I don't care if they're cute.

Sling it on your vagina

when you're on your period.

This is my gift!

- [groans]

- Thanks.

Really classy stuff.

- Is it a hat?

- It does look like a hat.

Is it a hat?

[Krin] No, but we could

also figure that out.

Okay, well, first we got

these little titty tassels.

Yay!

That's what I was

imagining you wearing!

They feel kinda Christmassy.

Look at these!

You come in 2.5 seconds

every time.

I have them in four colors.

- A whole rainbow.

- Yeah, the whole rainbow.

I bet they're great

for tantric.

Do you guys know

what that is?

It's like when you almost come,

and then you stop,

and then you go again,

and then you almost come.

You don't...

Okay, can you guys just stop?

Can you stop?

No, no, dude,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I can't even believe I have to say

please stop making fun of me.

I'm sorry.

I got those two weeks ago.

No, you were just

making fun of me.

You were eating the fruit

and making girl-coming sounds.

That had nothing to do with you.

That wasn't about you.

Okay, well, who did it have

something to do with then?

- What?

- Are you gonna tell her?

What's happening?

Tell me what?

They were making fun

of me and Josh.

Why were they making fun

of you and Josh?

Because we, um...

We had sex.

She's got a big problem with it.

You f***ed Josh?

You cheated on Adam?

- No, I didn't cheat on Adam.

- Yeah, you did.

If you f***ed Josh,

you cheated on Adam.

We're separated.

You're separated?

Yes, I'm separated from Adam,

and yesterday...

How long have you been...

Look, I just didn't want to

tell you before this weekend.

I wanted you to have

a good weekend.

I'm sorry, I was trying

to protect you by waiting

till after the weekend

to tell you about it.

You didn't wait till after

the weekend to f*** somebody.

Oh, no.

Guys, just chill out

for a second.

I'm sorry, you guys.

You guys are

f***ing obnoxious.

So you guys weren't just trying

to turn me on with that fruit?

I don't know

what we were doing.

We were f***ing around.

It just got out of hand.

Did you know?

Is that what you and Josh were

talking about in the kitchen?

Did you know?

Everybody knew?

Yeah.

What the f***?

I'm sick of this going on.

Vivien just told me

10 minutes ago,

and I didn't have time

to tell you. And I'm...

[sighs]

This is all

so f***ing weird now.

Everything's weird.

Everything's weird.

I want to make it right.

[Helen] Why was Lu thinking you

guys were making fun of her?

I mean, everything

about last night.

What happened last night?

Are you kidding?

No, I'm asking.

She admitted

she's never had an orgasm.

Lu's never had an orgasm?

Lu and Andi have

never had an orgasm?

This exact same reaction

last night.

You don't remember that?

No. We were all drinking.

We all got out of hand.

You were

the designated driver.

Yeah, to the bar, Vivien.

No. "Designated"

means to and from.

Okay, well, I got us to,

and an Uber took us from.

You want me to kick them out?

I'll kick every one of them out.

I'm not that strong,

but I'll do it.

I'll do anything

for you, baby.

I just want you

to be happy.

And I just want you

to feel good.

You know that, right?

You know that, right?

So just let me know

what I can do.

I love you.

I know.

I love you too.

I do. I just don't want there

to be any...

It's all weird now,

and I feel like...

Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt.

I bought you guys this gift.

We didn't really get a chance

to do my gift yet.

- Oh, it's okay.

- Thank you so much.

Let's just do it later.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

I feel really bad

about the come thing

because I didn't know,

and I blacked out.

- And I'm really sorry.

- Helen?

- I really didn't mean it, Andi.

- It's fine.

I felt bad,

so I'm really sorry.

- It's all good.

- Okay.

And I also left my van

at the bar,

so we need to get it

and I was wondering

maybe if you wanna ride,

kinda get out of here...

I would love to get the f*** outta here.

I'm gonna go, okay?

- Okay, I love you.

- Love you.

I love you guys too.

Okay. It's okay.

You know what, he's like

a really good dad.

He's really good to you.

Yeah.

What did you do?

I'd rather not talk about it

right in this very moment.

Okay, or ever, like...

No, I just don't,

you know.

I just...

- Okay.

- Okay, okay.

This the first time up here?

Oh, yeah, for me,

for sure, yeah.

[Driver]

How you liking it?

I'm having a great time.

They're...

Honestly, Doug,

it's been really rough.

It's just really tense.

We're up here for a bachelorette

weekend, and it just...

Things just kinda blew up.

Well, there's a lot to do.

It's quiet, obviously.

- How long you gonna stay for?

- The weekend.

Okay, cool.

I'm a sleep-eater.

- I'm sorry, what?

- What do you mean?

It's kind of like

sleepwalking, but...

instead of just walking,

I walk to the kitchen,

and I prepare food.

- Like actual meals?

- No, no.

Probably the weirdest thing

I ever made

was I retiled

our entire kitchen

out of different

colored cookies.

Oh, cool. That's cool.

I made a big mosaic pattern

everywhere.

Apparently I took the cookie,

got butter, spread it on there,

got a fork with the ridges,

made little ridges in there,

stuck it right on.

I used to be a stone mason,

so it comes naturally to me.

- Like artwork?

- Yeah!

Sometimes I eat it,

sometimes I leave it.

It's really beautiful

how the mind works.

That's your subconscious

just really emitting

through the physical world.

I think that inside

I'm like this struggling artist,

and it wants to come out

at night.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

or something.

I would love to see

like a blog of this.

Do you have like a...

was is it, a portfolio?

- I've actually got a site.

- What?

I'll send you a link.

Okay. I mean,

you guys aren't talking.

- I have a headache.

- Lu, it's all about you.

- Oh, my God.

- Well, you know what?

- Come on. This is... come on.

- All right, I'm sorry.

There's a lot of tension.

- Thanks, Doug, yeah.

- You're welcome.

Thank you guys.

Great to meet you, dude.

[Doug] Do that survey.

Could you, please?

Yeah, five stars

all the way, dude.

I really appreciate it,

you guys.

[Helen] Let me know if you

wanna hang out sometime.

- Definitely! Take care.

- Bye.

That guy was all right.

I'll say that I don't recall

my first orgasm.

Just doesn't... I don't know.

I have no idea, no answer.

Just probably

could have been anything.

Probably was masturbating

or something like that.

I do recall that Andi

became sexually active

much earlier than me.

I was a late bloomer

on all fronts,

and she would kind of divulge

every little detail.

I remember taking note

and remembering...

those stories.

You know what I'm saying?

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