The Final Test Page #2

Reg, you mustnt say that.

Its wicked.

But you admitted it, Auntie.

Dont you remember. We were at ...

- ... Lords that day you said ...

- Well, I wasnt myself at Lords that day.

My feet were terrible.

- Anyway, this is a test match.

- Thats worse. Five ruddy days.

Reggie Palmer, how dare you talk like that.

This is cricket.

Like an institution.

Its historical. Its ...

Well, its been going on for hundreds of years.

Well, were going to the Oval now

and thats flat.

- Come along.

- Oh dear.

I was so near finishing it too.

Whats so special about it?

Well, its for Alexander Whitehead.

You see, when he sent me this photo,

he also said that my Famine to Despair...

... showed promise.

Only the last of these last few stanzas

let down the rest of it.

So Im rewriting it.

And the trouble is, I have to

send it off to him tonight,

... because hes flying to

New York on Wednesday.

Please Auntie.

- Alright Reg, you can finish it.

- Oh Auntie, thanks awfully.

But mind, as soon as its done,

you're to come up to the Oval.

Half an hour or so should be safe.

Your Dads not in until third wicket down.

Still, I wouldnt put it past those

Australian fast bowlers to do ...

... hat tricks and things.

That reminds me.

What do you think of this?

Oh, I think its marvellous.

Its ... Its sort of ...

Well, it fits your style so well.

Yes, I thought so.

Thank you dear.

- Your Dad was funny about it, you know.

- Oh?

Well, he doesnt know the difference

between a Paris model and a plastic pixie hood.

Very well then, half an hour.

And mind, if your Dad finds out ...

I dont know a thing about it.

Dont worry, Ill read up the papers.

Anything, I miss he wont catch me on.

Ive often done it before.

- Hey Sam, Syd Thompson wants you.

- Right.

- Whats the weather going to be like, Syd?

- Proper scorcher.

Am I having supper with you tonight?

Thats right. Half past 7.

My Reggies back.

Fine.

And dont forget to watch out for Roy Wilson

dragging his feet today.

I dont need you to tell me how

to umpire young Sam.

Young Sam?

Oh, he used to coach me when I was a fatted colt.

Still thinks of me as a kid.

- How old are you, Sam?

- None of your business.

Too old to seem in the spit now anyway.

Anything on your mind, Sam?

Oh, I was just wishing I was

I shouldnt worry. Youre just

as good as ever you were.

Come on Cyril, lets get out there.

And good luck.

See you both at lunch.

And in a few moments time,

the batsmen ought to be coming out.

Ill just run through the batting

order quickly for you.

Hutton and Washbrook will open of course.

And then Weller at number ...

Talk about jitters.

Oh, youll be alright when

you get out there.

I was nearly sick just now.

You should have been sick.

I was my first test.

- How many did you make?

- 106

- Gosh, I envy you.

- Envy me?

Well, youve done it all.

Its all behind you.

Whatever you do out there wont

make any difference.

Theyll just say, Good old Sam. Pity you

got out, but you cant make runs every time.

Thats all you know. Did you read

Ned Algy in the Record this morning.

No, what did he say?

Oh, about how that Englands been carrying a

passenger for the last four tests, and ...

... how we shouldnt let sentiment

blind ourselves to the fact that ...

... S Palmer has just about had it.

Oh, you shouldnt listen to those writing baskets.

Its the people out there who count.

Looking for Cora?

No my youngster and his aunt.

- You married, Sam?

- No. Widower.

How did you know about Cora?

Oh, Ive been to the Stag and Hounds too.

She told me, you and she were pals.

She didnt tell me about you.

Why should she?

Ive only been there twice.

Funny her not telling me about meeting you.

Mad on cricket like she is.

... 4 to Hutton then makes him 7.

England 12 ...

- ... for no wicket.

- What makes me sick is that before the war ...

... you could walk in there and get six for

a twin, and youd be ...

- Quiet.

- Moves in fast, and he bowls to Washbrook ...

... and Washbrook plays it straight

into second slips hands.

- Washbrooks out.

- No ball.

No hes not. Hes alright

England want a quiet morning.

Time and wickets are as important as runs.

- Small Scotch, Cora.

- ... but with England 12 for no wicket ...

... then we return light programme

listeners to the studio.

Oh look, I cant take these test matches.

Its just about killing me.

Sorry dear, what was it you said?

Small Scotch please.

Ah, doesnt make any difference.

Doesnt sound as if hes going to stay long.

England all out before lunch, if you ask me.

You dont want to talk like that Mr Coleshaw.

Thats defeatist talk that is.

Well I mean, who have we got

to come after these two.

Theres a lot to come, if you ask me.

Thatll be two shillings, dear.

Oh of course, theres always Denis.

But this new chap, this Frank Weller ...

... this one thats coming in next,

I reckon he wont make many runs.

Oh, and why do you reckon that?

Well, I mean, after all, what do

we know about him?

Quite enough, I should have thought.

Third in the batting averages, and ...

... and a hundred for Lancashire

against the Aussies.

Ah, but a test match thats different.

Its temperament you want in a test match.

At least, thats the way I see it.

I expect thats the way we all

see it, Mr Willis dear.

But, theres nothing to say he hasn't

got temperament til we see, is there?

He was in here last Thursday, Cora.

Did you know?

He was in here again Saturday, as it happens.

Nice looking young chap, dont you think?

Oh well, depends what you call

nice looking doesnt it.

Shes blushing. Coras blushing.

I dont know what you mean, Im sure.

Oh Cora, we thought you only had

eyes for one test cricketer.

- Hes gone up in the batting order.

- And down in age group.

Very funny Im sure. All of you.

There they are in the box going to.

Can I have these a moment, Sam?

- Who are you looking for?

- Oh, just a girl I know.

- Oh, Im so sorry.

- Not at all, maam. Think nothing of it.

What was that applause for?

The batters just hit a high fly off a foul ball.

- The batsman has just hit a four off a no-ball.

Oh.

Can I have a look, Frank?

When did you say, you met Cora?

Sure, I thought he was out.

What did you say?

Cora. When did you say you met her?

Oh, about a week ago.

Cant get over her not telling me

anything about it.

- You courting, Sam?

- Courting? Me with a boy of seventeen?

What does that prove?

That Im too old for those sort of larks.

- Huh.

- Just because I go into the old Stag now and then ...

... and Cora and I ...

Im a sort of uncle to her, if you know what I mean.

And she tells me ...

Gosh, this is it.

- Good luck, Frank.

- Thank you.

Frank, dont try and get off the mark too quick.

If you cant keep them too well,

the first couple of overs ...

... just play them back, or cover up

and watch them go by.

Thanks, Sam.

Youll be alright, son.

See you at lunch.

Good luck, Frank.

Lets have one of your best hundreds, Frank.

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