The First Day of the Rest of Your Life Page #4

---

Some of us are trying to sleep.

Come to bed now.

Just a second.

Friday, December 2, 1988.

I got this diary

for my birthday today.

I mentioned it to Mum

after reading Anne Frank's.

She was my age.

I hope my life won't be as tragic.

Saturday, February 4, 1989.

What a rotten party.

No one asked me to dance.

I feel short and ugly.

The others call me "microbe."

My parents call me "little flea."

Which one's smaller?

Sunday, August 19, 1990.

Mathieu kissed me at last!

Maybe my tongue went the wrong way.

I'll ask Clara.

Friday, December 3, 1993.

The first day of the rest of my life.

I picked the wrong guy.

I wish it had been Eric

and not that clown Sacha.

I think I've always loved Eric.

Friday, March 25, 1994.

Eric's avoiding me.

He won't talk to me.

It's over. I can tell.

He's met someone else.

I'll never fall in love again.

Never again!

Sunday, April 5, 1994.

Kurt Cobain has died.

The gun in his mouth,

his finger on the trigger...

"I don't have a gun,"he sang.

Like hell.

Thursday, January 30, 1995.

Last night,

I slept with a total stranger.

We didn't speak

or even swap phone numbers.

Is that how to avoid suffering?

Sleep with a stranger

and never see him again?

Friday, February 23, 1996.

Clara came to the clinic with me.

It went so fast.

I only had time to ask myself...

Where do they put the fetus?

In the trash?

Sunday, April 27, 1997.

It's a year since Al came

to the house.

Ever since his apocalyptic wedding.

I miss him.

Maybe he's right.

Families are machines

that eradicate feelings.

Sh*t!

Tuesday, February 10, 1998.

Mom keeps pissing me off.

I want to get out of here.

I'm stifling!

She's such a pain.

Isn't she getting enough or what?

How long is it

since Dad last touched her?

Why are you in my room?

Where were you?

Call if you don't come home!

Don't ever touch my things.

And don't come in here again!

I told you to turn left.

Honey... Do you still desire me?

Of course. Why?

We never make love.

We do.

Don't we?

My body disgusts you?

Of course not.

What a crazy idea.

Stop this. What's wrong?

What's wrong is I'm old and ugly.

Plus you don't want me anymore.

Frustrated, that's it.

I feel frustrated.

I'll get out here.

I'll take a taxi.

You're in a taxi.

Don't go!

Your first time?

My fourth.

Respect...

The first two times,

I was too dangerous to drive.

But it wasn't my fault last time.

This tiny little squirrel

hopped onto the road.

So I braked hard.

Wouldn't you?

A tiny little squirrel, really tiny.

Tiny, was it?

The examiner said braking so hard

could cause a pile up.

I should have run the squirrel down.

He failed me.

That's sick. Right?

Yeah, it's sick.

Smoke this.

It eases the stress.

I seem stressed?

Smoke it.

Wicked, huh?

Dead wicked.

Can I ask you something?

Be honest. We won't meet again,

so we can afford to be.

What do you think of me, physically?

Straight up?

Straight up, given your age,

I think you're...

really hot.

But how old do you think I am?

Fifty-five?

Fifty-four?

Fifty-three?

A**hole.

What?

Marie-Jeanne Duval?

Very good.

Head back to the start.

Perfect driving, no mistakes.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Are you crazy?

Didn't you see it?

Don't worry.

I'm sure he'll be all right.

It's not your fault.

Rocky has always been

a bit loopy.

I'd taught him to use the crossing,

but he's so young.

Only 10, almost a baby.

Actually, it's different for dogs.

The years aren't the same.

You multiply by seven.

- So Rocky was...

- Is...

Is...

Rocky is...

Ten times seven. Seventy.

Seventy. He's no spring chicken.

I'm 70!

Sorry, I can't stay.

Here, this is my number.

Tell me what happens...

about the dog.

Goodbye.

You certainly don't look your age.

What keeps you looking so young?

Love.

Just kidding.

Plastic surgery, the works.

Here, here, here...

When my husband

first saw my new breasts,

he literally pounced on them!

Good, aren't they?

Men want us to be 20.

I told you already.

Prune, we're not arguing again.

What are you doing?

I'll see you later.

Mom...

Stop it, please.

Come on, tell me.

Can these still turn a man on?

Operate, please!

Get dressed.

Why? You see breasts every day.

Last time I saw yours,

I was nursing.

It's a happy memory.

What's wrong?

I'm getting old.

So am I.

Everyone gets old.

It's a mess since you and Dad fought.

Fleur thinks I'm frustrated.

She's not wrong.

Your father never touches me.

And since Raph moved back in,

he's become a baby.

We'll have to bottle-feed him

and change his diapers soon.

I wish things were different.

Like before.

When your father was passionate

and only I counted for you.

It's funny.

It's always the same thing.

People come here thinking

I've invented a time machine.

But nothing can ever be like before.

Can't you do my wrinkles?

Mom!

Raph, you can't go on like this.

It's like having a ghost around.

Can't you haunt another home?

You don't scare us anymore.

Sent your applications?

Tomorrow.

Ever heard of procrastination?

- Procra-what?

- Procrastination.

A pathological need

to put things off until the next day.

You have to stop.

One day, you'll have

so much to do,

the rest of your life

won't be enough.

There you go.

I just got eaten by a wolf.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

Come here.

I have a favour to ask of you.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Isn't this a bit illegal?

Let's not quibble

over a 70-year-old dog.

It's kind, but I'd rather not.

I'm not cut out to drive.

A glass of champagne.

Coming?

When Monica Lewinsky gets out

her dirty laundry, a blue dress,

the White House turns pale.

A stain has been found

on Monica's dress,

a stain made

by President Clinton's sperm,

says the former White House trainee

on a tape recorded by a friend.

"I'll never wash this dress,"

Monica Lewinsky said.

The item was delivered

to Kenneth Starr on Friday.

It is now in the hands

of the FBI's forensic teams.

Hillary Clinton has made no comment.

I was worried.

I almost called the police.

Where were you?

I needed some air.

They're for you.

They're beautiful.

Have you eaten?

I stuffed myself with these.

They're not bad.

Pumpkin seeds.

Prune brought them.

You don't eat them raw;

you roast them.

I hope they don't sprout in my gut.

If they do,

they'll grow out of my ass.

Sorry for earlier.

That's all right.

How did the test go?

No squirrels this time?

No squirrels.

What's this?

You read it?

- Listen...

- I'll never forgive you!

- I was worried...

- No respect. I hate you!

Watch your tone with your mom!

Get off my back.

I'm gone.

And I'll never be back.

She's starting to piss me off.

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Come back!

Mom!

Help me!

Call an ambulance!

Mom!

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

PHILIPPE:

TOMORROW, I QUI

OUR FATHER:

FRIDAY, MAY 26, 2000

Dad, can you drop me off?

Morning!

Aren't you running late?

That's OK.

There are classes all day.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes