The First Wives Club Page #4

Something I was just

thinking about... my resume.

Wouldn't interfere With school.

Something part-time until I graduate.

Come on, Dad.

HoW about a little nepotism?

I'll hire you.

I'm surprised. You've never

shoWn interest in advertising.

I knoW, Daddy.

I'm here to learn.

That's great.

Elise decided to pull the rug

out from under Bill... literally.

After all, his lawyer told her

to dispose of their common property.

Miss Eliot, you knoW

he hates interruptions.

Please let me

tell him you're here. Please...

Elise... What a kick!

But I'm on With the Coast.

All the good stuff goes.

The Lampico, the Ming vase.

Amari horsemen, Faberg eggs, the

Wingback chair, the green Tiffany lamp.

Babe... What's going on?

As requested, I'm consolidating

the matrimonial assets for liquidation.

That includes these antiques

I bought for you.

- You are the best.

- Love tokens, anniversary gifts.

- Junk. Here, take that desk too.

- Elise, this hurts me.

I care about you... about us.

About the magic.

- What exactly is going on here?

- And this Japanese secretary.

- I want that to go.

- Back off, Jacko!

Elise, this isn't right. It's hormonal.

You can't do this.

- Watch me!

- But this is my stuff!

It's the 90s, Bill. DoWnsize!

At Jason's Bar Mitzvah

2 weeks later-

- First Wives Club

got its first big break.

Thanks to Brenda's dear,

dear Sicilian uncle.

Uncle Carmine. My father's side.

Morty and I have planned for this day

since Jason was born.

- But Morty's going to be here.

- But next to me.

We're not a family anymore.

It's OK. I'll be fine.

Excuse me.

He brought her...

...to my son's Bar Mitzvah!

Is she a gift?

- Brenda, can I speak freely?

- Sure. Annie's cool.

I speak for the entire family and your

late father - my beloved brother -

- When I say Morty is garbage.

I'd be honored to take him out.

No, don't you dare. Morty the

Garbage is my problem.

I'll Work it out myself.

Thanks for the thought anyway.

My angel.

For Morty to treat you this way after

What your father did for him...

Where Would he be?

The first year of his business,

all his merchandise -

- fell off one of our trucks.

You're not serious?

We Were happy

to help you neWlyweds.

My Morty a crook?

Check his books.

They're fiction. Bestsellers!

- Ciao.

- Ciao. Grazie.

Really liked your uncle.

- Mother! Mother! Where are you?

- Over here, b*tch.

Mother, I met a man. He's an angel.

He's a God. He's a doctor.

It's perfect.

- Do I really have the part?

- Baby, you knoW it.

Pizza!

- Oh my God!

- Elise!

- There's the Lichtenstein.

- What the hell are you doing?

- The Dine. Take that.

- This is so cool.

- All the gym equipment.

- I'm getting a restraining order.

No, Bill, this is great.

- Hi, I'm Phoebe.

I've seen all your movies

and I want to be just like you, only me!

Phoebe, some advice...

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

- Pheebs, she's bitter.

- And take the cappuccino machine!

Bill, I have a great idea.

Wouldn't she be great

to play opposite me?

Bill is producing this neW,

incredible movie -

- With this young, hot director.

I'm the star of it.

- I'm Monique.

- What?

And you can be my Mom!

While Elise cleaned out Bill's office,

loft and house in the Hamptons -

Brenda and I looked for an office.

A base for the Club.

Come in.

Look at this.

It's early everything, huh.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at this.

You knoW What it says?

"I beat Meryl."

- It does not. Put that doWn.

- Is there chocolate inside?

- Put it doWn!

- OK, OK.

Put it gently doWn.

Look. Do you believe this stuff?

I don't knoW Where to put it.

There's no room in my warehouse.

I could have put it in my

building doWntoWn.

- You oWn a building?

- Yeah, I do.

I sublet it normally, but...

...noW it's... vacant.

There's a lot of Work to be done.

You have to see it.

Look at this.

All right, this is perfect.

All right, girls!

This is fabulous.

While Brenda and I worked like crazy

gathering information -

- Elise spent most of her time

on the phone to her agent.

Dan Carlin, please.

Elise Eliot calling.

- Elise Eliot!

- And finally it came through for her.

- This is a great play!

- I told her she had to do it.

I don't want to do theater!

I haven't done theater in years!

Bill always said theater

was bad for my career...

...Which actually I agree With.

- Excuse me, but this is a great role.

This is about a bitter, unloved,

emotionally barren Woman.

- That's not me!

- It's you!

Thank you.

- Hello.

- It's Bill. Where's Elise?

- It's for you... Bill.

- Hello.

- Listen to me, you piece of garbage.

- I can't hear you.

I'll sue you. I'll break you.

You vindictive sack of silicone!

- That's my car, you piece of plastic!

- Oh, darn.

Bill... Lamborghini.

The Lamborghini.

He's mad. Whoo!

Elise, can I ask you a question?

Aren't you frustrated? You climb

and climb and go noWhere.

I love it! Burns off the booze.

You want to knoW something?

- I get my best ideas When I Work out.

- You get ideas?!

It clears out my head. I think straight.

Everything makes sense.

Better start thinking because

We need Morty's books to prove fraud.

I knoW Where they are!

Morty just bought Shelly a penthouse.

- NoW, figure out hoW to get in.

- Duarto.

Shelly has a neW apartment

that needs to be decorated.

Gunilla, I'd adore it.

Enchante. Au revoir, jolie!

Gunilla Garson-Goldberg personally

invited me to her society luncheon.

Why?

Gunilla Goldberg was happy helping

us, she being a first wife herself.

Indeed, Gunilla was a 1st, 2nd, 3rd -

- and 4th wife, which accounted for

her very comfortable surroundings.

This is delicious!

Usually I bring my oWn dressing.

That fat-free ranch stuff,

but this is restaurant quality.

- Thank you.

- Can I tell you something?

When I first got your call,

I said to Morty...

"This just feels so right."

Me and Gunilla.

I used to Work for Morty

as his executive assistant.

He was married to that

nightmare then... Brenda -

- a completely class-free

dumpster Woman.

I said to him:
"Morty, you' ve got to

move on and move up."

NoW, here I am! Taste Central.

The moment I saW you... my first

impression was she's someone...

See, that's What I told him.

But he doesn't get it.

- He doesn't get a lot of things.

- Are you finished?

- Yeah, I'm done.

- Take the fork.

Fork!

All you need to enter society

is some advice and a guiding hand.

Like What?

The correct florist

and the utterly ideal chef.

Of course, a decorator... of death.

Your house is your calling card.

It has to be perfected -

- photographed, published.

Can you really help me?

I Would kill for that.

That's unnecessary.

Just two Words:
Duarto Feliz.

He is a genius. A gem!

Of course, he's impossible to get.

He Works all the time.

Oh, my God!

There she is! Princess Pelvis.

- Gunilla says she Went for it.

- Fabulous!

Johnny, let's go.

So, Duarto makes his move

and Shelly falls for it.

- Let's synchronize our watches.

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