The First Wives Club Page #3

She's epic.

Elise Eliot,

the crypt-keeper. WoW!

Mom, I'm spending the night

at Dad's. Don't Worry, I'm studying.

Baruch atta adonoy...

Happy now?

Maurice?

I want another one.

They want me to play the mother.

- Sorry.

- The mother!

Let me ask you something.

- Is this the face of a mother?

- No, ma'am.

Certainly not mine.

So I thought.

Not to be critical,

but you've no feeling for noodles.

Thank you, Mom.

Hello.

Aaron... Nothing...

Just having pasta With mother.

No, you say... Sure!

That Would be good. Bye.

We're going to have dinner!

Can you believe that? Oh my God!

Do you knoW What this means?

It means he's re-prioritized.

He's Worked through his

relationship phobias -

- his fear of intimacy, his thing about

my poisoning his food.

He's ready to recommit.

- Here We go.

- Thank you.

Excuse me, so sorry.

Una? By yourself?

Si.

- HoW are you?

- Hello. AlloW me.

I'm not Monique's mother. Angela

Lansbury's Monique's mother.

- Shelley Winters is Unique's mother.

- NoW, that's good.

- Sean Connery's Unique's mother.

- Perhaps some coffee noW.

I take that back. Sean Connery

is Monique's boyfriend.

He's 300 years old,

but he's still a stud.

- I'm not happy, Maurice.

- I'm going to get you that coffee.

- Honey... I think I should go.

- I knoW.

TomorroW, We could start moving

your things back in... if that's okay?

I hated seeing your side

of the closet all empty.

Dr. Rosen... she Would be proud of us.

I Wish she Were here.

Not literally. I can't wait to tell her

hoW We Worked it all out.

We should get therapy gold stars.

Annie...

I love you.

Come here.

Yes.

I love you.

I want a divorce.

- Stay calm.

- But We just made love!

You asked me out.

I asked you out to tell you,

but you looked so great.

I thought:
"HoW romantic.

One last time."

- A goodbye kiss.

- But this wasn't just a kiss.

Don't be childish.

You knoW hoW you manipulate me.

- What?! Manipulate?

- Don't.

What? Oh my God.

- Is there someone else?

- No. This is about us.

It's really not you.

Babe?

Oh my God!

- Oh my God!

- Oh my God.

- This is very aWkward.

- No, Annie was just leaving.

- You told her?

- I was totally upfront.

What? Excuse me!

Annie, this is rough.

I knoW that.

Rough?! Wait a minute.

I don't understand. You're my therapist?

- I'm a Woman.

- He is my husband.

We've been separated for months.

Let's not overdramatize, OK?

She's alloWed to be angry.

- Annie, let's use this.

He's found someone neW.

You're free! Closure!

I'm sorry,

but that isn't What this is.

You're not helping us out here.

- NoW, I'm sorry.

- So am I!

Very sorry I ever met you!

Sorry I loved you for all those years!

I'm sorry I was there

for you every minute -

- of every day and supported

you in your every move.

I'm sorry!

Oh, my God.

"I Wish I had talent like Elise"-

- "Brenda's humor" -

- "or your strength, Annie."

"Most of all I Wish

I still had our friendship."

"Perhaps Gil isn't the problem."

Oh, God...

"Perhaps loneliness is."

"Please take care of each other.

Love, Cynthia."

- And on such pretty stationery.

- I have to make some calls, Mom.

- God, poor Cynthia.

- If only she had called me.

If only I Were listed.

You knoW What? She was right.

In college We Were focused.

We Were brave.

We couldn't wait.

It's all over. I'm alone.

I don't have anything.

I don't have anything!

You have a son Who adores you.

I'm alone! I'm Monique's mother.

But Jason's off to college pretty

soon. I'll be even more alone.

Plus I'll be a lot older.

Any more plastic surgery,

I Won't be able to sleep.

I'll have to Work at McDonalds!

- I'll have to do ads for adult diapers.

- I'll have to Wear them.

I just spent 25 years -

- With a self-absorbed man

Who is marrying my therapist...

...Who lectured me on self-esteem.

- You Win!

I Won't be that Woman anymore.

It's unacceptable.

It is unacceptable! I made

all those stupid movies With Bill.

I gave him a career

and he stole mine.

I Worked behind the cash register

at his first store... in his first 15 stores!

I gave Aaron a home

and a daughter.

- I washed and ironed his shorts.

- You did?

Well, I supervised.

What do We want? Revenge?

No! We are not talking about revenge.

I am talking about justice.

I'm going to give Aaron so much

justice he Won't see straight...

...if he thinks partners are trouble.

- Bill's always had it easy.

That's right. Bill's had it easy

every inch of the way.

He's always had a Woman

look after him.

What Would happen one day

if he didn't?

What do you think, Brenda?

I love Morty. Very deeply.

- I Wouldn't want to see him harmed.

- You don't?

I want him dumped!

By Little Miss Midriff.

By that Stairmastered

L'Orealed crotch jockey.

In front of

the Whole Western Hemisphere.

On the 6 o'clock news. Okay!

After that I want World peace.

Let's get serious. We helped them rise.

We can help them fall.

HoW are We going to do that.

We're has-beens, hanging on

by a thread. We're discards.

We're not hanging on by a thread.

Look, by being together - us - unity.

If all the first Wives of the World

got together...

...What else do We need?

- Just one amazing attorney.

All We need is us.

Three Women Who aren't afraid to fight.

Stand up for dignity and self-esteem!

Then We'll let 'em have it.

- See this?

- What?

- Wait, right here, OK?

- OK.

See this? Put it in there.

All right. First Wives Club,

come to order.

Starting the club was easy.

Figuring out what to do next

was much harder.

We each decided to gather

information about our husbands.

- Elise, Elise...

- Yeah...

I went in search of a spy.

Why can't We call Chris

and ask her to help us?

I want her to knoW I support

her lifestyle completely.

- I've never been to a gay bar!

- Here We go.

Hi, I think you're just terrific.

Look at this. My God!

Isn't this great? All these Women.

Yeah, maybe We'll get lucky.

Elise Eliot, right?

You're from the movies.

- Yeah...

- I kneW you Were gay!

I said Elise Eliot is so hot!

You're like the most -

- amazing babe on this planet.

God bless you!

- You wanna dance?

- Uh, yeah.

Hi, SWeetie.

Mom! Hi...

We wanted to have a little...

What's the matter?

I thought We could have a little chat

about our plans.

Mom...

- You knoW you're in a gay bar.

- That's What's so great.

It's very Women-identified and...

by the way...

I'm Chris' Mom.

Are you gay?

Sorry!

What's Wrong?

My lover left mer after 18 years

for some teenager Who Weighs 12 lb.

What am I going to do?

- God! That's just like me and Morty.

- Who?

Morty.

She's butch.

Nail Daddy and those

other loW-lifes?

I don't mean "nail 'em".

I mean, just teach and help them.

- Vaporize them!

- Yeah, sure.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I'm in. I'm really in.

Elise...

Elise, Chris is in!

Can you believe it? Mission

accomplished. We'd better go.

She's staying!

She's With me, babe!

Come on, honey, my place.

Brenda, you're so possessive!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes