The First Wives Club Page #6

$140,000...

...against you at the back, madam.

$140,000... $140,000.

For you, madam, paddle 560.

Thank you, thank you.

Shelly, What happened here?

$140,000 for a plate?

$47,000 for a carpet?

A used carpet?

$300,000 for a Lamborghini?

Are you crazy?

I bought the car for you.

It was only 300 grand. It was a gift.

With my money you bought it!

I bought me the gift!

Jesus, I want a lifestyle!

With some ambiance and some

classic, eternal good taste.

But not for $300,000, Shelly!

I can leave if you like.

It's not like you've

asked me to marry you.

Would you...

...unzip me?

Thank you.

Shel, I lost my temper. I'm sorry.

The Lamborghini is a very good deal.

- Hi, Jase. HoW was the game?

- Knicks lose again.

Every player on that team is

a millionaire. They can't really lose.

- What do you think?

- That's not neW, is it?

It's better than neW.

It's the first time it's fit me in 3 years.

Look at me!

I have a waist, legs... Who knew?

How's your father?

Did you have fun?

- Yeah, but don't let that bother you.

- What a thing to say!

Jason, look. I remember hoW great

it was When We Were a family.

Even though We're not together noW,

you still have both of us.

You guys can't even pick out

my birthday card Without a lawyer.

Jason, I knoW you Worry

about your father.

He's a very good man.

He's a very good,

very confused man.

But you don't have to

Worry about me -

- because I'm going to be fine.

I'm lightening up, literally.

And you knoW What?

Your father and I love you to pieces.

- There, did I embarrass you?

- Almost.

You want to go to a movie?

Me and you?

- Together... in public?

- Mom, I'm sorry.

I was a little freaked out

by Dad getting engaged to Shelly.

Oh, Well... I can see hoW

that Would rip your heart out.

Thanks, Mom.

We gotta nail Bill.

We gotta... slaughter him.

Right off the face of the planet.

Him and that tramp. That infant.

- I need a drink.

- Holy moly, she's loaded.

I knoW. I'm really Worried.

She had me look at Bill's records -

- and the guy's a saint.

He's clean.

- He's a saint With a great lawyer.

- What?

Are you saying

you can't find anything on him?

- I'm really sorry. I'll look again.

- This isn't fair.

Aaron's going to be massacred.

Morty's Won't knoW What hit him -

- and Bill's just gonna walk away.

With alimony!

We'll keep trying, Elise.

You'd better keep trying because

this is my life and my money!

What do you know?

You don't get it. You're civilians.

You're just houseWives.

- That's it!

- No, wait.

You'll never understand.

Gimme that.

Excuse me. Give that back.

I say this With love compassion

and true sisterhood.

You are full of sh*t!

What?

OK, alimony sucks.

OK, you didn't get to play

a policeWoman in a Wonderbra.

But you greW up gorgeous.

Thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts,

you still haven't hit puberty.

Once you Were a terrific actress.

You even got an Oscar to prove it.

You spent your Whole life

With people sucking up to you.

I'm sure Annie agrees With me that

your perception of life is a bit altered.

- Annie, do you agree With her?

- Come on!

Brenda, she's very upset.

- TWo pinheads!

- Wait a minute.

You've got some nerve.

I drink because I'm a sensitive

and highly strung person.

No! That's Why your co-stars drink!

I am not a drunk!

Really?

Let's examine the evidence.

Look, all bottles!

And gallon jugs.

- I had guests.

- Who? Guns 'N' Roses?

Come on, you two.

The enemy's out there, not in here,

and We are best friends!

After all those years,

you never called me.

- You Were unlisted!

- You always gossip behind my back.

- You deserve it!

- You didn't invite me...

...to your son's Bar Mitzvah.

- You Wouldn't have come.

- Yeah, it was in HebreW.

- Oh, shut up!

You think a movie star

doesn't have feelings.

You're Wrong!

I do have feelings.

I'm an actress!

I have all of them.

I Wouldn't understand. I'm just a

houseWife and a child to raise.

You Were always jealous of me 'cause

I was blonde, beautiful and talented.

- And I could have any guy I wanted.

- And did! Every guy!

Most of the senior class

and half the faculty.

It was the 1960s.

Look at this place.

Is this Where your fan club meets?

Do you have ritual sacrifices?

Put that doWn!

- I Won that!

- I remember.

- Your first "talkie".

- What did you ever Win?

A pie-eating contest?

Best Ingestion.

Oh, no...

Brenda!

This is a Golden Globe.

It's sacred!

It's... trademarked!

- Are you crazy?

- Stop it. Both of you!

Annie. You choose!

Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?

For once, make a decision.

Who's your buddy?

Some Beverly Hills science project...

...or a Woman With her oWn aisle

at the supermarket.

I'm sorry,

but I'm not getting involved With this.

You both have severe

psychological problems.

I'm... I'm the nice one here.

I'm not like this.

- What?

- Yes.

- The nice one?

- Well, I mean I...

- You mean the rag mop, don't ya?

- Excuse me!

The one Who can't manage

a simple declarative sentence!

The Wimp! The Wuss!

Well... I changed.

I'm much stronger than I used to be.

You are self-righteous!

You pipsqueek.

Shut up, you arthritic sex kitten.

- Shut up, Morty's girl.

- Monique's mom!

Stop it!

You're both selfish a**holes.

- Oh, my face! Oh, my God.

- That is enough.

Have We forgotten

What We're doing here?

What has happened to us?

We're supposed to help each other,

not rip each other to shreds.

She's right.

You knoW, I gotta say

I always Wondered -

- hoW drunk Cynthia was

When she decided -

- to do a jackknife onto Park Ave.

- Mom.

- What's Wrong? I came right over.

Things are not Working out

the way I planned.

And you called me?

Oh, my God!

I don't knoW.

It's just completely falling apart.

We're at each other's throats.

It's like it's all my fault.

I'm just useless.

- You are not!

- Honey, I am.

The past feW Weeks you've been

a totally different person.

You've stopped apologizing

for yourself all the time.

I knoW. I'm sorry, honey.

This First Wives Club thing

can't Work and it never could.

You make it Work. It can.

You can make it Work.

Call Brenda and Elise.

I can't call them.

What Will I say to them?

This is just...

I should have seen this.

I should've seen this coming.

I knoW.

Why not Write each of them a note!

Or maybe send a hanging plant.

Just a suggestion.

No, Mom.

No, it's over. It's over.

Brenda?

I don't want to be like Cynthia.

- I'm sorry.

- It's OK.

Come on in.

- I've never been to your apartment.

- I knoW.

- Annie!

- Annie!

Annie, What are you doing?

Elise, it's your loft.

I'm storing some things

or I'll burn them if you want.

- But Why?

- Why? Are you kidding?

We've completely

embarrassed ourselves.

We've become exactly What

the World thinks We are.

And our ex-husbands!

We are "The Three Witches".

Witches?

Well, I'll tell you something!

- Witches have poWers.

- What?

They do!

They've poWers for good and evil.

Brenda and I are OK noW.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes