The Fundamentals of Caring Page #6

---

Tell him it's Trevor.

And if that doesn't jog his memory,

say, "He's in a wheelchair."

And if that doesn't jog his memory,

say, "He's your son."

And if that doesn't jog his memory,

say, "You're an enormous dick."

Actually, just say that anyway.

I will be right back.

Okay.

Just give him a chance.

Right this way.

Bob will be with you in just a minute.

Hey, Trevor. This is a... nice surprise.

Hello.

So, what brings you to town?

Yeah, I'm doing some traveling.

Wow. Great.

How's your mom doing?

She's doing great, actually.

She's got a good job at the bank.

Transferred her here, so...

Terrific.

So, what can I do for you today?

I figured it was about time

I answered these.

Uh...

"Dear Trevor."

Oh...

What?

Elsa always wanted me to write you,

and I didn't think that was a great idea.

So...

I'm... I'm sorry.

Your mom wrote these.

Okay.

I think we better go.

Trevor. Wait.

Let me give you some money.

Here. I got 160 bucks on me.

What do you say?

Take it.

I want you to have it.

Hey. Listen to me.

Why'd I do that?

Remember when you said to me

that you'd wipe my ass

until there was no more sh*t left on it?

Well, there is sh*t. It's all sh*t.

I'm sh*t. You're sh*t. It's everywhere.

It's the Ben Benjamin Traveling Sh*t Show

and you're the star.

I wanna go home.

Look. Stop, stop.

Your father's an a**hole, all right?

And I'm sorry about that.

And I'm sorry if I pushed you to see him.

But I didn't make him an a**hole.

He just is one.

Hey, man, look. I'm just a guy,

you know, trying to get through the day.

Just like you.

- I'm trying to help you.

- No, you're not.

You're not trying to help me.

This is not about me. It's about you.

It's all been about you.

Look, I know that it was hard in there,

but I think you're better off for...

No, you... Listen, you're not my father.

Okay? You're not my father.

I know.

Do you?

Let me ask you something.

Why'd you become a caregiver?

I needed a job.

Well, there are a lot of jobs out there

that don't involve taking care of a kid.

I didn't know you were a kid

when I went for the interview.

What do you think...?

You think I'm looking

for redemption through you?

You think I want you to fix me?

Is that it?

My son died.

You can't fix me.

And I don't want to.

Okay?

So, you keep your problems over there

and I'll keep my problems over here.

You wipe my ass, and I'll say thank you.

End of f***ing story.

Are we still going to the big pit?

No.

- Fine.

- Not f***ing fine!

I have exactly one life.

And for reasons

I myself don't really understand,

I now believe that

that life will not be fulfilled

unless I am standing at the bottom

of the world's deepest pit

with you two perverts.

And this beautiful mom-to-be.

- Oh, thank you.

- You're welcome.

So, start the car.

We're going to the f***ing pit.

Yay.

Holy f***.

Wow.

I thought I'd like it 'cause it's lame,

but it's actually pretty cool.

Let's go to the bottom.

I'll catch up with you guys, all right?

I left my phone in the car.

We got Slim Jims, Mervin. We'll be fine.

I know who you are.

What?

Janet didn't send you. Elsa did.

Who's Elsa?

Trevor's mom.

- Who's Trevor?

- What?

Are you following Peaches?

Dorothy.

- Dot?

- Yeah, I'm her father.

I mean, who are you? I mean, why...?

Why are you driving my daughter around?

Hey, man, I didn't ask for any of this.

I'm just taking a kid to Salt Lake.

I saw your daughter, I bought her a meal,

I gave her a ride.

I was just trying to be decent.

Oh.

Well, I guess I owe you a thanks.

You don't owe me anything.

Look, I'm never gonna win

Dad of the Year, okay?

But I sure as sh*t wasn't gonna let

my little girl get

from Olympia to Denver on her own.

Dorothy and I, we got some issues,

but we're connected, you know?

Just... Just trying my best here.

I get it.

Is it okay if I tail you

the rest of the way?

I... I won't get in your way, I'm just...

I just wanna make sure she's safe.

Yeah, sure thing.

Thanks.

Hello?

- Ben! Come downstairs quickly!

- Hello?

It's me, Dot. It's an emergency!

- Come... Now!

- What's the matter? What's the...?

Can you hear me? Hello? Hello?

- Is there a doctor here?

- How about a nurse?

- Anyone here a doctor?

- With any kind of medical training?

- Oh, no!

- She's having the baby.

- Help.

- I don't... I don't know what to do.

Please.

Ben!

Ben!

She needs your help! Do something!

Call 911! Call 911! Call 911!

All right, all right, all right.

- Here you go, here you go.

- I think something is wrong.

- Come on, Ben. Do something.

- Okay, okay. All right, all right.

Something doesn't feel right.

- Okay, okay.

- Ready, ready, ready?

My little baby.

He's here.

Hi.

Mmm.

Thank you, Ben.

It's a boy. Take a Slim.

If you haven't had one,

it's the biggest mistake of your life.

Did you steal this, Cash?

Please don't call me that.

Well, how... How did he seem?

I mean, he seemed okay.

I think he means well.

She's... She's coming over. Uh...

Look... Look busy.

What? Why?

Why do you need to look busy?

Because of... I don't know. Shh.

- Hey.

- Hey.

How is he?

He's a heaping mess,

but... he's my heaping mess.

So, are you gonna go back

to Olympia with him?

No. I'm going to Denver. I just have to.

But...

Um...

I think he's gonna take me

the rest of the way.

Uh, right now? Are you going...

Are you going right now?

Yeah.

Cool. Um... Cool.

Okay. That's cool. I mean, yeah...

I'm sure it'll be fine and stuff and...

You know what? I'm just...

I'm gonna go talk to Cash for a second.

You have my number.

You're gonna text me, right?

Definitely.

You know what you are?

Handsome and cool.

Don't make fun of me.

I'm not.

What's wrong with him?

Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.

He'll be lucky if he makes it to 30.

Is it rare?

It affects one out of every 3,500 males.

Man...

Life's a real class-A b*tch, isn't it?

Not always.

Well, thanks for the coffee, Mervin.

Well, take care of yourself in Denver.

There are a lot of perverts there.

Yeah? And how would you know?

We all keep in touch.

- Come on.

- What the heck are we doing?

Would you just do me a favor and

shut the f*** up for once in your life?

We literally... What is that? What...

What are you doing?

We're doing something. Come on.

You ready?

Get ready for the most spectacular

standing-piss in human history.

- It's not gonna work. I promise you.

- Oh, it's gonna work.

All you gotta do is aim and fire.

I don't know.

Whoa.

It's going.

Hang on, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Yeah!

Yes!

Take a look!

I'm peeing standing up! Whoo!

Hello.

Trevor Conklin was handsome

and cool.

Soon after our trip,

I resigned as his caregiver,

but continued on as his friend.

Two weeks ago,

when I went to visit Trevor

on his 21st birthday, I found him

lying on the floor of his bedroom,

finally at peace.

The new caregiver, a kind woman

in her 60s named Anna, was sobbing.

She, like me,

knew just how special he was.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes