The Gamers: Dorkness Rising Page #3

It was pretty awful...

Wooow... ehhh... we should take these.

The inquisitor leads you into the heart of the cathedral

...where the grand hierophant of Therin himself awaits you.

I gotta thank you for meeting with us..

...before you continue your journey.

It is our honor, your grace.

What is that?

The heart of Therin.

Legend says the gem is composed of solid light.

Could I steal it?

Well...considering that it's one of the holiest symbols of the church

..and that the cathedral is swarming with paladins that would most likely be suicide.

Go right ahead!

What is that heavenly music?

The hymnth of Therin...it calls to our goddess.

I seduce the priestess!

She's taken a vow of celibacy.

Dude...20 ranks in seduction!

Hey baby...wanna tune my mandoline?

Please understand...the horny bard does not represent us.

There are those who say that Therin has abandoned us in this dark time.

Rest assured she watches us always.

Nevertheless, we shall send two of our own order to ensure your safety.

Brother Silence, a most stubborn monk...who's NOT an elf.

And Sir Osric the Chased, our most noble paladin.

Oh great...a babysitter.

You have got to be kidding me.

Lodge, you are such a douche.

Sir Osric will assure that you never stray the paths of goodness and law.

You strike out for the mountains.

The road winds high through the foothills

and after a day you've reached the foot of the pass.

At the edge of a thick forest a sign catches your eye.

After a few hours you come to a clearing in the pass.

In the middle stands a twisted goblin totem.

Perhaps we could sneak around?

Not a chance...it's a trap.

Not nece...

Not necessarily.

It's always a trap.

Doubtless, the goblins are merely waiting for an excuse

What are you doing?

Where did you get that tomato?

Hello? I'm a bard.

I got your "gaga".

Is this wise?

Are you trying to kill us?

You know...I believe this is a totem to a goblin god.

Oh really? What kind of god?

A god of the moon, I believe.

A god of the moon you say?

Indeed, I do.

Well, how do you worship a god of the moon?

Ah, with my cute little tuschi.

They're so angry.

Oh, I wonder why. We only farted on god.

Perhaps we can negotiate?

Don't worry! I got it.

I totally pacify them with bardic music.

# Dear goblin friends# Dear goblin friends #

# Please hear my song #

Yeah....

...you're dead.

In 29 minutes and 42 seconds.

New personal best, Leo.

There's so many place I can stick that stuff on you...

Alright, everybody roll "inish".

Initiative.

Oh, right. To see who goes first.

I roll one of these thingis and add my dex bonus plus 4.

No, just your dex bonus.

No, I also get +4. That's what "improved initiative" does, right?

Who takes improved initiative?

Ok, order...

Joanna, Cass, Gary, Osric, then goblins.

What about me?

You're dead.

Ok... so I take one of these and add my attack bonus and....

You get another attack.

I do??

You took first strike. When you go first and drop an opponent you immediately get another attack.

Cool

Criticial!

I get another attack.

Expanded critical, critical momentum and precise strike.

You see, I add my INT and DEX bonuses to my crit range

...and I get an extra attack every time I land a critical hit.

What's your critical range?

Let's see...13 to 20, without bonuses.

Holy Craping Christ!

Critical!

Critical!

Five foot step.

Critical!

Cass, you're up.

Gary.

Lightning bolt.

That will go off in 2 rounds.

What? Why?

Wild magic, Sex bomb.

Flinn pulls Elazarus.

and... goblins.

The goblins surround Daphne.

Joanna?

Hold my action.

Cass...

Move to assist Daphne...

...twice

I'm here to protect you.

My hero.

Now?

No, Gary.

Osric uses the staff on Flinn.

# Sing it! Give it to me...all you can...

# 'cause you're all dead....that's right!

That's who takes improved initiative.

Yeah...but can you...(???)

Oh, and your spell goes off.

Crap!

So.....how much experience do I get for the bard?

After the battle in goblins pass...

...you resurrect Flinn yet again and press through the mountains.

Night has fallen by the time you reach the tiny village on the other side of the range.

Is the barmaid hot?

Yes....must you?

Yes, I must...

I wanna seduce her next.

Hey baby! My spells require some magic components.

Dude...you're a chick!

Oh...right

How embarrasing.

We should not draw attention to ourselves

Agreed. We should mute our presents. We don't know how might be watching.

Indeed! Only in hiding ones identity..

...can one truly be known.

I'm sorry. There is no rooms for you tonight.

Nonsense! Your inn is empty. There is plenty of room for us.

The room is not a problem, truthfully. The problem -

Truthfully....you are not welcome here!!

Mort Agrippa!

You are most certainly not welcome here!

Introduction would seem in order.

I am the governer of this town...

...and you are trespassing on these lands!

These lands belong to the king.

These lands belong to MY king!

Mort Kemnon.

Yes! And soon you will serve him as I do!

Beyond the veil of death!

Gary, you're held. Leo you're in.

Fear not! I have returned.

Dash it old man. Help us!

I am!

Turn!

Is that the one that kicked me in the face?

Yeah. Why?

Just asking.

I am Mort Agrippa.

You see...I control Zombie-Ninjas.

Are they "Zinjas"?\ Are they "Nombis"?

I don't know.

Mort Agrippa ain't going nowhere.

Oh... monks you have a problem with but... hey...ninjas are ok.

Tell us where Mort Kemnon is!

Do your worst! Kill me if you must! I will never tell.

Gosch... we'll have to torture him.

Oh... dark!

You'll have to think of something else...

Torture is dishonorable. Osric won't allow it.

God, I love paladins!

Can't you just step outside for a while?

Actually no. Paladins can't let evil things happen if they know about them.

It's his alignment.

Yeah, they're lawful stupid.

I'll distract him. I'll tell him that there's a ninja outside.

I seriously doubt he will fall for that.

Normally the dice decide that sort of thing.

Look Sir Osric, an evil-do'er outside.

What?

Show yourself, villain! Thou can not escape my justice!

Come forward so that I may smite thy with my mighty blade!

The truth shall descend upon thy wickedness as an angel of righteous fury!

Deceivers! This ends now!

He's over there!

Thou shall die a thousand deaths shadow spawn!

I shall lay down my justice upon thy lonesome brow

Thou shall die a thousand deaths shadow spawn!

I shall lay down my justice upon thy lonesome brow

What happened here?

Ehh... funny story...

...strangest thing! Eh...he...

...he tripped .. and on the way down beat himself to death.

Yes.

Did he say where Mort Kemnon was?

Not as such...no..

Did you find that evil-do'er?

He escaped.

My shame knows no bounds.

Yeah...you suck!

Flinn, what did the barmaid say?

Oh, yes...oh yes.

Oh, gods....yes!

About Mort Kemnon, dumbass.

The barmaid says Mort Agrippa came from West Haven.

Following her advice you abandon the inn and take the road to the east.

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