The Golden Calf Page #4

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that people fear most.

I am convinced that my last telegram,

'twins in thought'...

...produced a disastrous impression

on our colleague.

The defendant must be educated to the idea

that he must surrender the money.

He must be morally disarmed.

His reactionary instinct for private property

must be suppressed.

Assistant Panikovsky!

You were told to meet the defendant to-day...

...and again ask him for a million,

accompanying this request with idiotic laughter.

- As soon as he saw me, he crossed the street.

- Good. All is going well.

The defendant is becoming nervous

and should not be calmed down right now.

He is now passing from stupid perplexity

to unreasoning fear.

- Don't make a cult from eating!

- I have ulcer.

He jumps up in the middle of the night

and pathetically calls for his Mammy.

Just a little more, the final brush-stroke,

and he will be completely ripe.

He will creep tearfully to the sideboard...

...and take out a little plate with a blue what?

-Border.

Enough gaiety!

The little plate of money is still

in the hands of Koreiko,..

...if it exists at all -- this magic little plate!

It exists, Commander!

We may consider the preparatory work finished.

Now we begin the active struggle.

Presently we shall go and touch an udder

of citizen Koreiko.

The udder will be touched by you, Shura

and Michael Samuelievich.

Great blind man

Kefir is very good for the heart.

Believe me, Shura. Mere theft.

Mere robbery.

- Mere theft.

- Mere robbery.

- You are a pathetic nonentity.

- And you're a cripple. Right now I'm the chief.

- Who's the chief?

- I'm the chief. I'm responsible.

You?

Yes, I.

You?

And who else could it be?

Don't you think it could be you?

- And who do you think you are?

- And who do you think you are?

Did you see it? Everybody saw it!

You all are witnesses to what will happen now.

Citizen, this is a dairy cafeteria,

not a night bar.

What will I do to him! You'll see a sea of blood!

There's gonna be a murder!

- Now watch what I...

- Calm down, calm down.

Sit down! Watch your manners, Shura?

Hands off! What's the matter with you.

You convinced me. You are the chief,

I'm the deputy. Deal.

- Why not rob him? Is it so difficult?

- Well... go on.

Koreiko walks in the street at night...

I come up on his left hand,

you come up on the right.

It's dark, very dark!

I push him from the left,

you push him from the right.

The fool stops and says: "Bully!" to me.

"Who's a bully?" I ask.

You also ask "Who's a bully?"

Here I swing at his jaw...

No, we can't beat him!

That's just the point --

-- we can't beat him.

Bender doesn't permit it.

I know it... Bender, Bender!

OK, go to Kiev and that's it.

Why?

Go to Kiev...

...and that's it.

What do you mean -- Kiev?

Go to Kiev and ask what Panikovsky was

before the Revolution.

I insist upon your asking...

...and they will tell you that before the Revolution

Panikovsky was a blind man, Shura.

If it were not for the Revolution,...

...would I ever descend

to being the child of Lieutenant Schmidt?

Why, I was a wealthy man!

I had a house, a family,..

...nickel-plated samovar on my table.

- And how did I make my living, you'll ask?

- How?

Blue glasses and a little stick -

- just like this one!

Why did you quit this business?

The Revolution!

Prior to it I used to pay the policeman

...and no one touched me.

The policeman even saw to it

that no one insulted me.

He was a fine man!

His name was Nebaba.

Such a crystal soul.

I met him the other day.

He is a music critic now.

But nowadays

a decent connections with the police...

The police! I know them better then you.

I was homeless! Oh, how I know them.

I hate them!

Oh, how I hate them.

And so in my old age,

I had to become an impostor.

Take my hand, Shura. Take it!

For this special business...

be it for you, Shura

I could resort to my old glasses and stick...

...and you'll see for yourself

that theft is much safer then robbery.

- Where is a men's room?

- Over there.

Mere theft... mere theft.

Yield to this poor blind man!

I'm sorry thousand times!

I'm sorry thousand times!

I'm sorry thousand times!

I need to cross to the other side.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

- Idiot! Can't you see the auto-bus!

- He is not a blind man! You dirty pickpocket!

Panikovsky's being beaten!

I said Panikovsky's being beaten!

Already?

Rather soon.

Panikovsky's being beaten!

Near "Hercules"! Around the corner!

Why do you bellow

like a white bear in hot weather?

How long have they been beating him?

- About five minutes.

- Why didn't you say so in the first place!

There's a silly old man for you!

Let's have a look.

You can tell me the rest on the way.

Pardon... another pardon.

Didn't you lose a permit for jam

there on the corner?

Run along quickly.

It's still lying there.

Madam, your child is crying in the bus.

Let the expert through, man.

Let me through, disfranchised kulak!

Give me more space.

This one?

Calm down, comrades. I shall ask the witnesses

to indicate their names and addresses.

Where are the witnesses?

Are you a witness?

Display your apprehension.

Perform your civic duty.

Where are witnesses, after all?

There is no place for hooligans in our city.

We must fight hooliganism.

Are you a witness? Give me your phone.

Move on, then.

- Who's a witness? You?

- Me...

Come with me...

Foolish old man! You crazy fool!

Another great blind man has been discovered!

Homer, Milton and Panikovsky!

The three cool blind men!

And as for Balaganov!

Like a sailor from a wrecked ship!

"Panikovsky's being beaten!"

- While he himself... Hell, I'm likely to fire you!

- I wanted... I was going to rob him and that's it.

You are a pathetic nonentity.

He is the one to blame.

Don't you dare to touch me!

I have depletion of the nervous system.

You're a fine pair of bunglers!

I'm done with you.

No, Ostap Ibrahimovich! You'll see!

This will be a robbery in the street.

Under the cover of nocturnal darkness.

My honest and most honorable word.

Shura and I... It's a done deal.

Over my dead body!

Under the cover of nocturnal darkness.

- How warm it is! Don't you swim at night?

- No.

Well then, will you wait for me here?

I'll take a dip and be right back.

May I have a light?

I don't smoke.

Is that so? Can you tell me what time it is?

About twelve.

- Hands up!

- What?

I said "hands up".

What part of it you didn't understand?

Why are you beating me?

I merely asked you what time it was!

I'll show you what time it is.

Kick him! Kick him!

I dropped it accidentally. It's nothing.

What a wonderful night!

- Who do you think you are?

- No, who do you think you are?

I think I disturbed you. It seems to me

you were busy on the floor.

Oh, it was money you were dividing?

Pray, continue -- it's interesting.

I shall watch.

I wanted it done honestly and fairly.

In equal parts -- 2.5 thousand apiece.

You, Ostap Ibrahimovich,..

...him,..

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