The Good Catholic Page #2

---

I can...

I mean, we can...

Thanks, father.

Daniel.

Can I call you Daniel?

Uh...

We'll figure it out in there.

So... maybe we should

start talking...

I can't do cremation, Daniel.

I just can't.

I thought about it,

and it's like...

What the hell was I thinking?

Maybe we should start with who

your... who's gonna dress me?

What?

Now that we're back

to the standard funeral,

I've got to think about who,

you know...

No way I'm letting

a creepy funeral-y guy

put me in some kind of

sad death smock.

And if my mom got involved...

My god.

She drives one of those

Mary Kay cars,

you know, those pink atrocities they only

give their most celebrated salespeople?

She'd have me wearing

a floral pants suit,

and she'd splash so much paint

on my face

that I'd look like

a transvestite,

prostitute version

of blanche Dubois...

Why are you here?

What?

I'm sorry, but last week,

tonight, why?

What do you mean? Is this really

about funeral arrangements?

You don't believe I'm dying?

Wha... that's not what I...

I mean...

Are you?

This was a stupid idea.

Jane...

I should go.

You came here for a reason.

Here.

Why?

You were open.

And no, I'm not lost,

in case you're wondering.

I'm just... I'm done with it.

I'm done.

Everything around me...

I see it.

And it's all the same.

Nothing.

And it's not that I don't give

a sh*t, or that I'm giving up.

It's just...

It's disappointing.

No...

Heartbreaking.

And there aren't enough

cat videos

or f***ing Ted talks on YouTube

to make up for that.

So when...

Faced with all the possible

things left to contemplate...

Death feels like one of the

last remaining ideas we have

to... to remind us of...

Of...

Life?

That light you have outside...

What? The one over the

front door of the church.

It was on when I happened

to walk by last week.

That's why I'm here.

What about a photo?

What?

For the funeral.

Sort of a template

for what it is you kind of

want to look like.

Now, that's not a bad idea.

Yeah.

You don't think that's

too stagey?

Well, the catholic church

has never shied away

from a little pageantry.

Yeah...

I've seen the crucifix.

That's not really what I

was referring... too soon?

That was kind of too soon.

You gotta wait till

at least 3,000 years.

But, I mean, come on.

They put makeup on Jesus.

No, they don't.

Yeah, they do.

When do they put makeup on

Jesus?

Have you looked at any of

the crucifixes

where he's got kind,

like, blush on

and some eyeliner?

- It's hot in the sun.

- Um, no.

They're making him look pretty.

He looks like a woman

in some of those.

Which is not all that weird

because, you know,

maybe... who knows?

"Hey-Soos" would be glad

that you figured it out.

That's how you say

his name in Spanish...

"He... he answereth and saith

unto them,

"'let him that hath two coats

impart to him that hath none.

And let him

that hath meat...'"

baby, do the same.

Luke 3:
11.

How do you like me now?

Father. Father.

No run today?

I guess I slept in.

- Is everything okay?

- Y-yeah, yeah.

No, yeah. Just tired.

Victor...

Surely you have a verse in there

about the evils of hitting

the snooze button.

Mm-hm. Are the late Fridays

a bit too much?

No, not at all.

I'll talk to the bishop.

No, I-i... you were right.

It's been... it's been really...

It's good. It's very good.

For me.

Daniel...

You know, we get to reach out

to different, uh...

So yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

My problem is that he'll tell

his mother

every little detail about

our life

but with me, it's just

I think that he has a problem

with communication.

And that is what he really needs

to work on.

And he knows that already

because I tell him all the time,

but he just goes about his day

like he doesn't even hear me,

which, you can imagine,

doesn't feel good

when I'm trying to express

my feelings,

which I believe is at the core of

the problem with the marriage,

not to say that we don't have

a good marriage, because we do.

It's just I thought that if we

talked to someone within the church,

it might better open up the lines

of communication between...

Father!

Yes.

Yes what?

Yes, what he said. Yes.

Yes, I apologized.

I listened to her

for another hour...

Without interruption...

And of course I assured her

that it would

never happen again.

This is not like you.

I know.

We've discussed the

importance of detail.

It's the reason why

I do even this,

instead of letting

some sacristan housewife...

God bless them...

Improperly dress my alter.

I'm sorry, father.

Do you feel his presence,

Daniel?

Yes, of course. Always.

It's okay to say no.

Yeah, I know.

Wait a minute.

How is it okay?

This isn't magic.

We are not special.

Nor do we have

some privileged access to god.

We are men who chose to serve.

Whether or not we see

or hear or feel him

at any given time

is not the point.

Our job is

to be ever present for him.

The day to day,

the minute to minute.

This moment.

Now.

The details?

Exactly.

Do you?

Do I what?

See god?

Yes.

Sometimes.

- A-2.

- Miss.

Really?

I don't cheat at battleship,

and if I was going to start,

it wouldn't be in this building.

Oh, and, um...

C-6, by the way.

You sunk my battleship.

Oh, three losses in a row.

Ouch.

I wasn't really counting.

Not to be, you know, but I'm...

I'm totally dominating

this confession.

What?

You haven't really...

I mean,

I don't feel like

I'm really doing my job here.

I know I'm not, actually.

Do you want me

to confess something?

No.

I mean, not unless you want to.

I don't want you to feel

like it's required.

There is something.

What?

You can say anything.

I know, but...

I'm just afraid that

if I tell you,

I don't know,

things might change.

What things?

Just... things...

Between us.

Jane...

Promise you won't hate me?

I promise.

Thing is...

I've been trying to find a way

to say this all night.

I just... oh, I don't know.

I...

I...

I totally cheated.

What?

The first game

was actually close,

and I just... I lied a bit.

Didn't even place my ships

in the next two.

You hate me?

Why would I hate you?

Just seems like

I'm always

sitting on my... you know...

Sinner half and...

You have to listen to all

of my...

What about you?

Me?

You ever get a chance to sit on

this side?

You know, get stuff off

your chest?

Priests go to confession, too.

But you only confess

to other priests, right?

That's sort of how it works.

Well, what if you wanted

to confess to someone else?

I don't know what you mean.

To me, for example.

I... don't think that's

a very good idea.

It doesn't have to be juicy

or anything.

Just something real.

To a normal, non-priesty person.

Might be good for you.

I don't think that...

Awesome. Switch me.

Jane? Jane? Jane.

What is this? It's a gift.

Me to you.

I don't understand.

You go in there, you know,

on the sinner side,

and just for a few minutes

you get to be a normal person,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes