The Good Guy Page #5

If a girl's parents are still together,

I just move on.

Doesn't really matter

What I say to women.

I have an English accent.

You know what? All right.

Two girls, end of the bar.

Go talk to them.

Okay.

- what, right now?

- Yeah, right now.

Which one do you like better?

I don't know.

Blonde, I guess.

- Rookie.

- Totally.

No questions.

No questions, just go.

Go.

Wait, come back.

Come back.

- what?

- That right there.

What is that?

I told you about that.

Okay, now go.

Do you actually believe

any of that sh*t you just said?

- Some of it.

- You think he's gonna pull it off?

Not a f***ing prayer.

Excuse me.

Pass me a napkin? Please?

Thank you.

De-entry.

I feel stupid.

You look stupid.

Let me get this straight, Daniel.

Okay? You could fly a jet

at Mach 3 speeds

for, like, 72 hours with a plastic tube

up your cock,

but you can't go talk

to two dental hygienists

- for 10 seconds.

- Actually, I was an avionics engineer.

- we never had--

- No. I don't-- No excuses.

You gotta be able to do this.

You have to.

What about that one over there?

- Oh, totally gross.

- And what about the blonde over there?

I want to touch her where she pees.

That is a good-looking white girl.

Ring. Ring.

Oh, f***, you're right.

Oh, how 'bout that one?

- That's a handsome woman.

- Look at her ass.

She might as well have a tail,

and she's ugly.

You know, some people

might say the way

you guys talk about women is ugly.

Yeah, but we're only ugly

on the inside, so it's okay.

Oh, that-- that is a beautiful woman.

She totally wants to have

a sexy party with me.

She does not want to have

a sexy party with you.

She wants to have

a sexy party with me.

Steve-O, fine.

Go ahead. Talk to her.

But none of that shock and awe bullshit

you usually pull.

Someone has to show

Danny how to do this, okay?

- You don't have to--

- I don't do that sh*t anymore, okay?

Sexy party.

Okay. None of that scorched earth bullshit.

I'm serious.

Well, hello there, Rodeo.

Who's up for a Jager bomb?

I don't think she's having it, mate.

A Grey Goose and soda?

Yeah, just one.

How 'bout you go talk to her?

I don't think Cindy Brady's

coming over to the dark side tonight.

I'm gonna go take a hot lap.

Thanks for the help, Shakes.

Well, your turn.

- No. No.

- Your turn.

Okay, fine. Okay.

But remember, this is

not about sexy parties or--

Whatever, just go talk to her.

I'm gonna get

a front-row seat. Okay?

I'm Steven, by the way.

- I'm Brooke.

- Great.

You look really professional up there.

By which I mean you're, like, hot.

Like, really hot.

Another napkin.

Where's the bartender?

- I hope I'm not interrupting.

- Yeah, you actually--

- No, not at all. Hi.

- Hi.

Tommy.

- Yeah, This is BI--

- I'm Brooke.

- Blake?

- Brooke.

- Brooke.

- Brooke.

- Tommy. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

So, how do you two

know each other?

- Oh, we--

- work.

You write children's books too?

Yeah. He does instructional guides

for swing sets.

- well--

- Dude, that's my--

Obviously, I'm not gonna

have sex with this girl tonight,

so why don't you give it a shot?

I am so sorry about that.

What an a**hole.

- Yeah, I--

- what, you guys work on wall Street?

Yeah, we do,

but not all of us are like--

You know what?

Let's start over.

I am Tommy.

And I owe you a drink.

I'm Brooke.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Personally, I think there's

nothing wrong with bulimia at all.

If anything, it shows your willingness

to reevaluate your decisions

and be proactive about making changes.

You don't sound black at all.

Are you from Europe?

Here goes Jonathan,

Iooking to break some records.

- Yeah!

- Here we go!

That's gotta hurt.

It doesn't look innocent,

It looks like heroin addict.

Hey, give me.

Here.

What if he really is sorry?

Everyone is sorry once they're caught.

It doesn't mean anything.

It's true.

Rich said he would leave his wife

after I found out he was married.

All's fair in love and war.

Are you retarded?

That's just a bullshit excuse

people use to screw whoever they want.

They need Guantanamo Bay

for relationships.

I'd waterboard the f***

out of my ex in Love Gitmo.

Good for you.

This is for work.

Hey, you know what?

Tommy just hired a new guy on his desk.

Really? ls he cute?

He didn't say,

Which actually probably means he's cute.

I'll find a way to bring him around.

Put this on.

Do I really have to

go out with you guys?

Yes.

Whose bachelorette party

Is this, anyway?

Look, I just felt that if we had met

under different circumstances,

just a few weeks ago,

that this could have been something,

Like, really amazing.

- I mean--

- I know.

It's crazy, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- Oh.

Can you get my bag?

Thank you.

I love you guys.

I love you.

Thank you.

That could have been

Bad News Bears.

Here's where things started

to get complicated.

Brooke lost her purse

that night at the bar.

Her phone, her keys, everything.

She asked if she could crash on my couch

and call a locksmith in the morning.

I know I really could have

just put my foot down,

but I didn't.

I'm gonna get going.

Okay.

Thanks.

No sweat.

I've always believed that trust

Is the single most important thing

In a relationship.

But given that nothing happened,

I decided not to tell Beth.

Hey, hotshot.

Cash, good to see you.

Hello, Beth.

My, you're more lovely than I remember.

Oh, aren't you a sweet talker.

Look at that.

That necklace is gorgeous.

- Look at that thing.

- lt was a gift, actually.

- was it? You picked that out?

- Yes, I did.

- I'm shocked.

- Just a little something.

Oh, you haven't met Beth yet,

have you?

Not officially.

I'm surprised at your taste.

- She's really nice.

- Yeah.

I'm sure.

Okay, who takes the same

bus to work every day?

No, what are you talking about, man?

Stephen's wife is beautiful.

All I'm saying is he passed up

of man-Whoring.

He could have put up

Wilt Chamberlain numbers

and then retired.

Yeah, he looks miserable.

Anyone need a drink?

- So, you came here with Tommy?

- Yeah.

So, how long have you guys been dating?

It's been three months now.

That long?

Oh, I didn't realize that.

Time flies.

Diet Coke, please.

Oh, will you excuse me for a second?

Sure.

Thank you.

Hitting the hard stuff, huh?

Yeah. Saving the table dancing

for the holiday party.

You must be Daniel.

It's so funny.

I'm Beth, Tommy's girlfriend.

Yeah, I figured.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

You too.

- Again.

- Again.

You look different.

So, how did you

and Tommy meet again?

I was out one night with my friend Jordan,

and he was obviously on a date.

- That's trouble.

- Yeah.

Well, he left, but he came

back in the restaurant

and told me that he wanted

to be talking to me.

And ever since then--

Tommy, he's a great guy.

Yeah, he's great.

Tommy says you're a big reader.

What's your favorite book?

Well, have you ever read

Pride and Prejudice?

- Really?

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