The Goodbye Girl Page #4

What I want to do here is to strip

Richard bare, metaphorically.

Let's get rid of the hump.

Let's get rid of the twisted extremities

and show him the way he would be today.

The Queen who wanted to be King!

- Yes?

- Question.

Are you serious?

What's the objection, Elliot?

Number one, I have to play it.

Number two, I like the hump and the clubfoot.

Number three, I've been workin'

on the part for months.

I respect that.

That's why we're here, isn't it?

To exchange ideas.

Tell me, how do you see Richard?

Mr. Macho? Is that it?

I don't think the guy is a linebacker

for the Chicago Bears...

...but let's not throw away

one of his prime motivations.

What's that?

He wants to hump Lady Anne!

Yes, I've heard that before.

I don't want to pressure you.

Let's just try it my way.

Let's read through the first act.

Please, trust me.

Act 1.

- Scene 1.

- Excuse me!

Just how far off the diving board

do you want me to jump?

Don't give me Bette Midler

but let's not be afraid to be bold.

- Bold?

- Bold.

"Act 1, Scene 1.

"Enter Richard, Duke of Gloucester."

"Now is the winter of our discontent Made..."

Sorry. Excuse me. One second.

"Now is the winter...

"Now is the winter of our discontent..."

May I have a five-minute break, please?

Five minutes!

Five-minute break, everybody!

Thirty-nine. Oh, my God.

Forty.

That's all? I can't do anymore.

60! You said 60!

No, the muscles are gone! I can't dance!

It was a dumb idea.

I am going to put you up for adoption.

Get your old mother a Coke.

Fattening.

Get me the Coke.

Mother doesn't want

to beat the crap out of you.

No willpower!

I've died.

I've truly died.

Enter, sweet Anne.

- You live alone?

- Yeah!

Fortunately, the other people who live here

also live alone.

Let me take your coat.

Thanks.

Hey, Lucy, this is Rhonda.

Rhonda, Lucy. Lucy, Rhonda.

- Hello.

- Hi.

What are you doin'?

Sitting on my mother.

Sounds like fun. You want to keep it down?

Rhonda and I will be workin'

in my bedroom. See you later.

- Good night.

- Good night.

I'll bet.

I heard voices. Was that him?

He took two apples.

- Did you write it down?

- I didn't have a pencil.

I told you, write everything down.

If he takes a glass of water, write it down.

We're not running a hotel.

Why don't you like him?

Who invited him? That's why I don't like him.

If he were a lawyer or a doctor

instead of an actor, would you like him?

I wouldn't like him if I liked him.

He grates on me.

I think he's kind of cute.

He reminds me of a dog that nobody wants.

You are never to think he's cute, never.

Why'd he want two apples?

One for him, one for her.

What her?

He's got a girl in there.

In my house! A girl in the bedroom?

Why didn't you say something?

I'm sorry. You want me

to write girls down, too?

- You knocked?

- Can I talk to you in private?

It's a bad time. How about at breakfast?

Is that a girl in there?

I certainly hope so.

Not in my house.

I won't put up with this sort of thing.

What sort of thing?

You have a girl in your room

and I don't object.

This is Paula McFadden.

Mac lives just down the bedroom apiece.

Mac, this is Rhonda Fontana,

a gifted and rising young actress.

Don't rise.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Can we talk? This is serious.

Take a break!

- Out!

- Out?

Her, out! They have motels

for that sort of activity.

I have an impressionable

10-year-old daughter...

...and this isn't one of the impressions

I want her picking up.

Now you get that "rising young actress"

the hell out of there!

Out of where? Out of

my rented apartment you're staying in...

...out of the goodness of my heart?

I will bring home anyone

or anything I choose...

...including a one-eyed

Episcopalian kangaroo...

...if that happens to be

my kinky inclination.

As for what's going on, we're rehearsing

Act 1, Scene 4 of Richard III.

I have a cretin from Mars directing the play

and I need all the help I can get.

However, if I choose to attempt to have

carnal knowledge of that gorgeous bod...

...that'll be her option, my problem,

and none of your business.

What do you think was Lucy's impression

of what was going on...

...in Momma's bedroom with

Tony "love 'em and leave 'em" DeForrest?

Why don't you turn off some of the lights?

We're runnin' up a heck of a bill.

You okay?

I'm fine. Let's go to sleep.

Are you upset because

they're messing around in there?

They are not messing around.

They are doing Act 1, Scene 4

from Richard III.

Did it ever bother you about Tony and me?

I mean, not being married

and living together?

No.

I wanted to get married.

He couldn't get a divorce.

That's okay.

I just wanted to know how you felt.

Socks in the hamper, please.

Is that song from Richard III?

Let's brush our teeth.

Oh, God, please let me be hit by...

...a rich man in a Rolls-Royce.

I think I can swing that.

Thank you.

No, I mean it.

It's funny you should say that.

What did I say?

There's an outside chance

that I can get us both a job...

...at the Auto Show at the coliseum.

It's only two weeks but the money's not bad.

Any money's not bad. What do we have to do?

Just look pretty, point to the cars

and say, "terrific."

I can do that. I can point

and say, "terrific."

This friend's going to let me know

this weekend.

Just keep it a little quiet.

What a nice person you are.

You didn't have to tell me.

I feel kind of related.

I lived with Bobby all last year.

Bobby who?

Bobby Kulick, your ex-husband!

Oh, Bobby. The marriage slipped my mind.

"...as you are weary of the weight,

"Rest you, whiles I lament

King Henry's corse.

"Stay, you that bear the corse,

and set it down.

"What black magician conjures up this fiend,

"To stop devoted charitable deeds?

"My lord, stand back,

and let the coffin pass.

"Unmanner'd dog! Stand thou, when I command:

"Advance thy halberd higher than my breast,

"Or, by Saint Paul,

I'll strike thee to my foot..."

My careereth is over.

I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth!

- What?

- Mark, I'm begging you!

You want this kind of performance,

let me play Lady Anne.

All right, let's take five, everyone!

Five minutes.

You're unhappy, Elliot?

Unhappy? No.

I am freaking petrified.

The critics are going to crucify me, Mark...

...and gay liberation's gonna hang me

from Shakespeare's statue by my genitalia!

You gotta help me, Mark!

- What do you want, Elliot?

- I want my hump back!

I want my clubfoot!

I want a little paralysis in my right hand.

I don't mean a lot, just a little.

Two stiff fingers, a little motivation.

I see. You want to play it safe.

You want to give us your standard,

conventional Richard.

I can't argue with that.

They've been doing it that way for 400 years.

What do I know?

I'm lucky to get the part! I know that.

I come from Chicago!

We do things a little differently there.

We do the play as written.

That doesn't go over in New York. Terrific.

I respect you, Mark. I do.

You've done off-Broadway, I haven't.

Rate this script:1.0 / 1 vote