The Grand Seduction Page #3

Well, you know, that's very easy

for you to say with a job, right?

Government job with vacation pay.

All I'm asking for

is a little flirt!

Hey, Annette.

You're cracked.

- You're cracked!

- I know you're good for it.

A cricket match is divided

into periods called innings.

One team fields and the other bats.

The two teams switch between fielding

and batting after each inning.

All right, so we switch around.

Now, all 11 members of the

fielding team take the field,

but only two members

of the batting team

are on the field at any given time.

You stand side by side or what?

Opposite ends of the field? Come on!

- Does this make sense to any of you guys?

- You wanna do it?

Give me a chance to look at it!

Joe! Joe, we're sorry we took

your oars now, all right?

- Give me the...

- Come on, that's enough!

Now's not the time for questions.

All right, go!

Go!

- That was awful!

- Awful! Bloody awful!

Go!

Right foot!

Left foot! Right foot!

That's your left foot, Henry.

Go back.

Right foot! Left foot!

Right to the side! Follow through!

There you go.

Back to where you were.

Oh!

Okay, Henry.

Just swing it up!

He's out!

- You gotta run now.

- Yeah, you gotta run.

He dropped it.

- Run!

- You too, you gotta run.

- Don't knock him over.

- Keep goin'. Where's the ball?

Ta-da!

- Oh, yes! Yeah.

- And this is for the top.

Yeah, yeah.

He looks the part.

You look good! Dapper!

And I put some extra

protection down there for you.

Yes, good. There.

Why is it pink?

Good luck, Murray!

Come on!

I took the wrong one!

How's he doin'?

Not good.

You okay?

All good.

It's this fresh air. I just...

I'm just used to, like, this

dense, dense smog, you know?

That's why I never left the city.

I get these anxiety attacks

when I'm not mugged by a homeless

person on a daily basis, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, those don't work here.

Land lines only.

Sorry.

Oh, that's... that's great.

- They're coming!

- What?

- They're comin'!

- Everybody up!

Come on, everybody together!

Come on now, get in your positions!

Let's play cricket!

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

What the... Is this for real?

Hmm?

This!

- Do... do you like cricket?

- Love cricket.

- I live for cricket.

- Really?

- You play?

- Oh yeah. Oh, love that.

- Really?

- Oh, yeah.

We got the final game

of the season here.

Come on! Come on!

No checking, no checking!

Our fathers played.

It's a great tradition

in our small harbour.

That's definitely a... field

setting I've never seen before.

Yeah, I know. I keep tellin'

them, but they don't listen.

Final game, huh?

- Let's go.

- Ah...

- Oh, we gotta go!

- Not possible.

A few overs never hurt no one.

Nah, they hate spectators.

No, we have to, Murray.

Let's go.

A few overs, for me.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

- He wants to watch the match.

- What?

Well, that's it then.

The arse has gone out of her.

No, no. Sound the horn.

I'll think of something.

Come on now, get it

together, for God's sake!

- They're coming.

- What?

They're coming!

They're... they're coming!

They're coming!

Sweet Christ.

Any idea what happens

after we hit the ball?

- No.

- Is there a plan B

you haven't told us about?

No plan B.

The doctor might find it peculiar that

we're dressed up as cricket players,

that we're playing with equipment

that looks like cricket equipment,

but we have absolutely no

idea how to play cricket!

Keep playing!

It's all right. It's all right.

Jumpin' Jesus!

What do we do? What do we do?

I thought you'd all love hockey!

What do we do? What do we do?

We can't stand hockey.

What do we do? What do we do?

What do we do? What do we do? Simon!

What do we do?

Yay!

- Huh?

- Yay!

Oh, there you go. Game's over.

Season's over.

Let's get back to the boat.

Both teams won?

Well, one team won the league,

one team won the match.

You know, it's, uh...

it's basic good sportsmanship.

Oh.

Oh!

Not too close, son.

Sorry. Ah!

- Ah, thank you.

- Yeah!

It's a small harbour, but...

it's got a big heart.

- Come on, they'll deliver the rest.

- Yeah. Thank you.

They'll deliver that up.

That's all right. Come on.

That's the pride of Tickle Head.

- We can't touch her.

- Hmm...

Here we are. Door's open.

- The stuff will be up in a minute.

- All right.

Well, thank you.

Will you be needing any cocaine?

I'm... I'm sorry, what?

We're down with it.

Yeah, it's...

it's not really, uh... okay!

But thanks.

Enjoy our beautiful harbour.

Oh, whoa!

I can hear something.

- I can definitely hear something.

- He's dialling.

- He is!

- Turn it up. Put it on speakers.

Ah!

Jesus! Helen?

- Hello?

- Helen!

Don't touch that knob!

- Henry!

- Okay, okay!

- No, no, no!

- There.

- Helen, can you hear me?

- Hello?

- Hey, it's Paul. Helen...

- Paul! Oh, you wouldn't believe

the number of upset clients of yours

that I had to deal with today.

- It works!

- Mrs. Goldwater yelled at me

'cause she won't get her new breasts

in time for her daughter's wedding.

Uh, yeah, so have you

walked the dog lately?

- Yes.

- 'Cause you gotta walk him

at least two, three times a day,

every day. I'm talking every day.

- You can talk to him too.

- No, I'm not gonna talk to him.

He'll get depressed, Helen. He will.

- You gotta talk to him. He's a good listener.

- He's a dog. I don't talk to dogs.

Oh, and the dog park!

Don't go back to that one we

always go to. That Yorkie's back.

He gets in his head and he makes him

unmanly and he overcompensates

for a week or two.

We don't want that.

Do we have to write

down all this stuff?

Yes!

- So how is it, the town you're in?

- The town I'm in...

Hmm... Medical opinion? Inbreeding.

- I'm not... I'm not writin' that down.

- And what about the house?

The house? Yeah, it's, uh...

It's hideous.

- Hideous? Oh!

- Oh, oh, oh!

Didn't hear that, Henry.

Didn't quite get what the

doctor said about your house.

I gotta go. I'm late.

It's girls' night out.

That reminds me, I talked

to Bernie before I left.

Yeah, he's not gay, so he says.

Bernie's gay? Bernie's gay!

...a ploy to get women

in the sack. It works.

It makes them feel

special, according to him.

I may have to try that.

Oh, for God's sake!

Where you going?

We're going to dinner, at the Taj!

- "Taj".

- Ah! The Taj!

I'd kill for that Lamb

Dhansak right now.

- You get it spicy or mild?

- He'd kill for what?

"Lamb dan" something!

Taj, Taj. Taj Mahal.

That's, uh, curry.

- Curry!

- Lamb Dhansak...

...a little white wine...

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Paul, the, uh, new doctor.

Terrific.

Uh, you know where

the, uh, restaurant is?

It's over the hill, down by the pier.

You walked past it.

Right. Right.

I mean, what kind of moron would get

lost in a tiny village like this, huh?

Pretty big moron, I guess.

Mm-hmm.

It's a harbour, not a village.

Harbour. Mental noting.

Right.

- Good evening.

- Hello.

- The soup today is carrot.

- Hmm!

And the specials are flat fish,

hot turkey sandwich

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